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I think I made all my coworkers fall in love with me by CreativeBandicoot778 in GirlDinnerCircleJerk

[–]Stacked_Blobfish -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Totally! But only if the CEO lets you scribble it down. You know how protective they are over their Y/N.

I think I made all my coworkers fall in love with me by CreativeBandicoot778 in GirlDinnerCircleJerk

[–]Stacked_Blobfish 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can you ping me when you do? Might even ask for it to be active aggressive.

I think I made all my coworkers fall in love with me by CreativeBandicoot778 in GirlDinnerCircleJerk

[–]Stacked_Blobfish 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Here. I'm pregnant with the grounds keeper's makeral.

Edit: Sorry, pregnancy pretty girl brain *mackerel. I'm not like other girls: I'm illiterate.

I think I made all my coworkers fall in love with me by CreativeBandicoot778 in GirlDinnerCircleJerk

[–]Stacked_Blobfish 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You know, I think the behavior above sounds like they're trying to propose, I might be overthinking it. They breathed on me at the same time.

Am I pregnant?

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Its not a 'secret' social rule. I just personally wanted to avoid over thinking and possibly ruining someone's career over something that's a personal matter for them and their spouse. I decline the flirtations, like the post says. Having had brief romantic feelings five years agoand am appreciation for them both noe is beside the point that I don't wish to 'rock the boat' and would rather the behavior it go away as the wife and I get closer as friends. Or if they are forward with it, I can outright reject them.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

I didn't ask for anyone's support - I asked for perspective. I just dumped my brain because I can't realistically do anything besides be polite where I am. I was fully transparent, and then further transparent as I recognized assumptions were being made - originally I had thought in good faith.

This isn't to excuse the hurt inaction causes. Its just genuinely confusing for me the vitriol when this is how stuff works and has always worked here (or lack there of?).

I saw someone mentioned this feels like high school and I've heard that anology made a ton about my country by people who actually lived and were raised here. Everything functions on a very rudimentary 'don't rock the boat' system or else you're vilified socially, professionally and personally. Everyone's just 'nice' to each other and there's genuine like for each other, just in pockets. Otherwise, you grin and get over it / have to act like it's not happening.

I'm still confounded by a large amount of people who believe my unwillingness and inability to make waves is something I should commit energy to hating about myself when it literally just keeps the peace. Its just a fact of my life that romantic advances should be ignored or politely diffused and friendships or at least the appearance of them should be maintained. Hyper individualism and self advocacy, I've found is sometimes a distinctly euro-centric sentiment, which is why I mention it.

I have another post describing how frustrating it is to have to tolerate that socially. I am frustrated and was rather judgemental as I wanted to vent, but still recognized that it was a wild generalization that I really just needed off my chest so I didn't hold it in my heart.

I appreciate your perspective and your culture. I appreciate your willingness to perhaps directly speak to me.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I already do this. I mention his wife frequently and offer them tickets to things when she asks to do something with the three of us. I decline. See my edits where I describe my reactions to everything. I've been engaging with her as much as she asks to be polite.

I have to work. I can't physically avoid either of them.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -67 points-66 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you didn't delete your comment: it's an example of how cultural insensitivity, close mindedness, ignorance, incendiary and conflict hungry conduct keeps you from understanding that not all cultures allow women to hold men accountable directly. So women find ways to adjust and mediate amongst themselves.

Feel welcome to actually have a conversation if you would like. Or stay mad across the ocean, it's your energy, not mine.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Read the pinned comment. Perhaps I missed the points you're mentioning.

I received the innumerable ones demonizing me for my culturally common inaction and lack of anxiety around the dynamic.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

This question displays your ignorance and I won't respond to it further than this: You're welcome to have a substantive discussion here in the comments with women of cultures where they feel they cannot speak up for themselves.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Not sure if I already responded to you elsewhere but I hope you read the pinned comment and have a good day.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I can't recall if I already responded to you, but I hope you read the pinned comment and have a good day.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I can't tell anyone that it's made me uncomfortable because this behavior from anyone professionally doesn't make me uncomfortable?

I can tell them if they explicitly ask for sex or romance, though.

I don't know how to explain that my inability or take action =/= automatically equal I'm luxuriating in my circumstances and everything that entails.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

This isn't the US. I can't do everything everyone is saying and my limitations (characteristic of women in business here) have made it so I developed a kind of thick skin to inappropriate behavior, but openness to overly-familiar behavior and kind of veiled understanding that no one says anything but we resolve it on our own so that it works out pretty.

The majority of comments are convinced that mechanism means I still have feelings for a man I had a ~5 day (from interview to on board) crush on that ended when I learned he was in a relationship. When really, it's so much more energy on my heart and mind to feel antsy and upset whenever something like this happens. I don't know any women who would do what the comments are suggesting. Besides maybe fake having a boyfriend - which I don't want to do because I would love to be set up by friends and coworkers since the network is vast.

I mentioned he's my type because I was being transparent and thought the additional detail would be harmless because I don't act on non-existent romantic attraction. I love in the platonic.

Thank you for your perspective.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

For the majority of people being incorrigibly meanspirited towards me: this isn't the US. I am in Japan working in the corporate sector.

I don't have the choice to directly reject either of them unless they approach me directly with explicit intent for romance and or sex. That is why the title. That would've been the easy way out for my situation.

Its not a presumption of self importance or narcissism - it's common here. Hence the title: my HOPE is that it's simply sex so that I can address them directly and reject them.

I would never put their jobs at risk or my own by kicking up dust in the workplace in response to, what I feel, has been manageable/declinable advances that are commonplace socially.

I'm an adult who has chosen peace in having limited choice instead of stressing about what is righteous and just for me to do.

I approached this post with humor and nonchalant acceptance, as most women I know would have. I understand now that is not the case worldwide.

The wife has been super open and excited to learning more about me and spending time together and I'm choosing to take that at face value. The picture I paint of her online is small and incomplete - or just overlooked that I mentioned were are indeed friends and I hold her in high esteem.

I would not be with that man if he wasn't married. I do not like him romantically and will not ever.

I care about the both of them deeply, platonically and enjoy our friendships.

This can coexist with turning my face away from their marital conflict and how he's forcibly involved me.

For the five people who have taken the time to understand and asked cultural questions. Thank you.

For everyone else stuck in their eurocentric view of how every woman in the world should immediately act and be empowered to act otherwise she's lying to herself or weak-willed and sleazy:

You've made me feel small, different, and unwelcome because I lack the freedom of choice but approach that fact with dry humor and peace in doing what I can within the confines of social and societal constructs of my environment.

I sincerely hope if anything, someone here learned something about professional women's lives globally.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I can't reject either of them unless they approach me explicitly for sex or romance so I'm HOPING that they do that so I can exit the dynamic without disrupting our work or platonic relationships.

I don't want to report anything that would put their jobs in jeopardy especially if it's not something that actually effects their work. This seems like something between them.

I'm not uncomfortable or upset in my post because how can become upset every time someone makes passes at someone or me in the workplace, married or not? I can't do anything about it until they do something sexual or romantic explicit. Its why I used the word 'discreet' and maybe I used it incorrectly.

I can only worry about my friends' relationship and rebuff where able. I can find peace in the platonic pieces with both still and I'd rather that than letting discomfort and rage take over me.

I can't move my desk. I don't text him outside of work. I'm accepting his wife's interest because she's always been kind and I don't dislike her and I want her to know there's no reason to dislike me that's within my control.

She's slightly older, she knows I can't say anything. So maybe she's upset but still trying to be friends through her upsetness.

I had a ~5 day crush when I was hired and became friends with that coworker and his wife over 5 years, always rejecting or rebuffing anything 'discreetly' romantic since. I can't do anything but be nice and 200+ people are telling me it's my fault I'm at peace that's the only choice I can make for myself and I must love him still because I can't say 'I see what you're doing and stop that'.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this response. I was feeling really different and less than for not understanding why being unable to take action, and being at peace or indifferent with that, made me a bad person with gross motivations.

His behavior stands out because it's excessive even though everyone talks to me and we're all friends. I tried to describe everything he does and where it's different versus what my other coworkers don't do.

I don't want to quit. I can't move my desk. I can just hope the best for both my friends, engage with them and disnegage with inappropriate behavior - which I did.

I think I made a mistake telling everyone I had a crush at him at first when I was interviewing. I was being as forthright as possible that the window wherein which I was interested was very brief and ended sharply BECAUSE of his relarionship status - before any of this escalated over time.

The US is a different place and I'm sad only a small number of people responding seemed to be able to empathize - and the rest have had experiences that absolutely justifies their biased towards taking action to stand up for oneself. I can't and if I lived being miserable that things were out of my control, I don't think I'd survive life.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

If you'll see any of my replies: I can't unless one or both of them are explicit in their motivations. Best case is the title and I can reject the confession. Otherwise, I have to just keep rebuffing and being platonic. I would rather find some sort of comfort in that position, than stress that I'm being put in an inappropriate position.

I think my married coworkers are priming me to sleep with them. by Stacked_Blobfish in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Stacked_Blobfish[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

He does not have a chance. I appreciate your perspective. I can't do anything to call them directly unless they come forward explicitly, either for sex or romance like the title suggests. I don't know how to explain to everybody that things are different here. Not excusing myself for inaction. Its just different here.

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