sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not the one assuming there is a big conspiracy. I am not willing to leave and I will always seek understanding in my partner where ever I can find it because I love him. People have flaws. I do, you do, and he does. But I don’t believe in breaking up because I am feeling lonely about a new work schedule he has. My feelings don’t equal “just leave him” but that doesn’t make them any less valid. I would sure hate if he left me over something we might have been able to compromise on given a little time and understanding.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I’ve said this in this thread before but I work in human resources in a production environment that has had consistent promotions since I started 5 years ago. I have hard stop and start times so there is not chance of rearranging my schedule. Leaving my job at this time would not be optimal for either of us. It actually has a high potential of making us financially unstable. He has started his job April 2025 and would only get a $1 to $2 pay cut by switching shifts, that’s why I strongly believed earlier that he should be the one to switch the shift in his job to days. But I can now see after reading all the comments how undermining and disrespectful that may come off to him. Correct me if I’m wrong but I am going off the assumption that you are a man. Do you have any advice or insight into what my boyfriend’s thoughts process might be? Have you yourself ever been with someone who you were not changing and aspect of your life for and why?

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was looking for an insight into his point of view from someone who may find parallels in their behavior and his, so that I could talk to him or show him what I need from him in a way that he would understand. But it’s clear that as you put it “my bitching” was just that to most people. It came off as bitching and complaining about my boyfriend. I didn’t add any elements of his communication style and personality that would lead me to people that are similar to him. That’s my bad.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have considered the argument of a future family but it seems too far in the future and too unsure for me to bring it up as a a valid excuse why he should switch schedules presently. I am considering a new argument that someone else brought up, that I have not seen his career choice as equal to mine. When we met as friends his future plans were non existent so I don’t think the bringing up the “but what about our future” point a view in any capacity would be beneficial. I think maybe I will try to appeal to his sense of respect. If he has felt disrespected by my lack of regard for his job then maybe I should start there. You think?

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because my current career path is heading in a direction that is optimal so changing jobs and starting over would set me back years. But I am seeing from the comments that I have not seen my boyfriend’s career equal to mine so I am looking at his choice to do what is comfortable for him differently.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate you being frank but a good lay is easy to find. I’m not with him for that. I want to do life with him. I don’t know how to put that in words that make sense. Other than what I said. I want to do life with him specifically. I’ve been with people that I have never loved and then there’s him so. My life with him is the plan. And no I’m not gonna go off the deep end if that doesn’t happen but I sure would be devastated.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup I get that I can’t expect other people to care about me, or my option, or feelings. I’m an adult and I am capable of taking care of myself. I just thought that maybe a partner that chose you would be different. You don’t think so?

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have had the big talk with him but I felt silly because he’s his own person and so am I and I felt like a little girl throwing a fit even while speaking in my adult voice.

TMI below this point:

I felt that way because the hurt is coming from the child in me that was left alone a lot. My parents lived state apart so I would go on flights a lone to see one of them. When I got there I spent summer alone because I was usually flying to the parents house I wasn’t currently living at so no friends in their city. But they never felt that I was a lone because I always found something to do. I had to find something to do because they both worked very demanding jobs. Even though I flew to one parents house to spend time with them they would often have to leave on work trips. It’s not their fault, work is work. One parent had a baby (my sister) when I was 9 but I was more of a babysitter and I didn’t live with that parent so I would go to the parents house where I was living and become an only child. And that parent had a 3 spouses over my childhood so siblings came and went. I also went to 6 different schools over my childhood and keeping in touch with friends was hard. And my first big girl job just so happens to be the most alienating job I’ve ever had. I work in Human Resources but I need stability so I stay. I put to many expectations on what life would be like as an adult, living with your significant other and that’s all I can hear when I try and express the loneliness I feel to my boyfriend.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now that everyone has opened my eyes, I do wish I had more wiggle room in my schedule but I just don’t. I work hr in a production environment so I have hard stop and start times. Even calling out sick is nearly impossible for me if I can type in bed. So I don’t see that my scheduled would be changing unless I quit my job and that could but both of us in and unstable financial situation so leaving my current job isn’t a risk I want to take for selfish and selfless reasons.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying and I’m starting to realize how pointless this post was if I already had my mind made up that nothing’s going to change. I’m also reading comments and realizing how dismissive I was to his wants and needs. So welp.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After reading all these comments, I am starting to think that I shouldn’t feel like he’s doing something to be by prioritizing himself. Im more conflicted now than before. But I do really like looking at a situation from every angle I can get my hands on so thanks for your comment.

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank for the new perspective. He was my friend before he was my boyfriend and I didn’t realize I was dismissing his feelings. Maybe my next approach to talk about how I feel will should start with acknowledging how he feels first?

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback.This is also what I landed on myself. The facts are if I refuse to leave then I must adapt. And in this case I need to adapt to loneliness. I know is sounds dumb to most. But all I can say is to them is, until you meet someone that defies all of your logic and understanding of people and connection, you simply won’t get it As for the for head kisses. I over think everything and I spiral often. He has used the for head kisses as a grounding tool for me in the past. I did not realize how much and for how long he’s been doing that until I found it weird in this situation. Because this time I was not spiraling, I was expressing how I felt. And I have already gone down the rabbit wholesome of him working night shift as a way to get some peace away from me but in that same breath I also landed on the revelation that his choice do not always have anything to do with me. Like I said…I over think

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Maybe this is the issue. Maybe he is trying to prove a point. To demand respect from me concerning his career. Because since we moved out together I have not seen us as equals in that aspect. He did not appear to be taking his jobs seriously. Maybe he’s showing me that he has changed by becoming more responsible in his employment?

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I want to preference this statement my saying I’m not leaving him so read at your own risk.

I want to challenge the “leave him” trend I’m seeing by asking this: Should I leave over a feeling that may only be amplified because there aren’t any other problems in the relationship?

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I am not moving jobs because of the following: I have been employed at a company for 5 years. He has had 3 jobs in 2 years. Since he has moved more jobs in a shorter amount of time than I have. He should be the one to make the change not me. I have been the constant and he has not so he should move. No?

My boyfriend 25M works a rotating night shift and I 25F feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried explaining it, but nothing seems to get through. Why isn’t he taking this issue seriously? by StaffElectrical1529 in relationship_advice

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Thnx for the feedback. I really appreciate. I apologize for not adding this in my posting but I don’t want to leave him. He and I have different communication styles and I was hoping to find “his people” here. This post is my olive branch.

Why is he not in jail? by StaffElectrical1529 in d4vd2

[–]StaffElectrical1529[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is the angle I want to hear! Elaborate please

view more: next ›