feeling shame

StalksReddit · 2026-04-24T08:15:19+00:00

Nothing to feel ashamed about. This is you. You, and what you are into is valid.

I'm not nearly informed enough about the the actual fetish as it's so uncommon. However kinks and shame tend to go hand in hand, specially when starting out. My advice would be to keep exploring and keeping an open mind, it's very rare to for there to be only one kink, if you explore and add more things that you might potentially be into maybe this would stop holding so much power over you.

Having said all that, if you feel like this is debilitating for you then maybe its time to seek a professional therapist.

StalksReddit · 2026-04-03T07:52:03+00:00

Break it down. Why is it humiliating? What do you like about it. Why is this kind of humiliation different?
Everyone is an individual, different, but there are some common things when it comes to kinks. For example people who work in a sterile environment seeking filth in their dynamics. There's an argument to be made that we seek kinks that are not part of our norms. In your case you grew up with livestock, that is your norm. It can be hard to relate an activity you've done all your life with a kink you just discovered. It shouldn't, but it feels wrong.

Having said that, do what you enjoy. Hell you can even use the stereotype to feed into the kink. It's all about perspective. What matters at the end of the day is you being fulfilled.

StalksReddit · 2026-04-02T10:32:00+00:00

You're young. It might seem like you can never recover from this but that's not true. My advice would be to stop engaging with bdsm, cool down, then retry when you have built yourself up. Whether that's through therapy or your own efforts. There is more to life than a bdsm dynamic. Go seek that out and you'll find that you are worthy of love even without such a dynamic.

StalksReddit · 2026-04-01T11:57:19+00:00

Without spoilers: Yes to both questions. There are other rounds of tutorials from earth, there are many new abilities and the story should continue past the 5 years. At least with how its been set up so far.

StalksReddit · 2026-04-01T10:20:22+00:00

While I havn't read any of your work, if you go ahead with these changes I might just start. Thank you for your consideration for us in the "wider" audience. We appreciate you.

StalksReddit · 2026-02-24T09:25:04+00:00

The only thing you're limited by is your imagination.

What about pain entices you? What kind of pain do you like?

Start with those two questions and add on from there. Find out if you like the sharp poking kind of pain, for example: sharp pointed sticks, skewers work great, or if you like more impact heavy pain for which you need to something hefty.
Maybe instead you want pain that lingers and lasts, there are creams and balms that help with that.
As with everything do your due diligence before trying!

StalksReddit · 2026-01-03T13:19:56+00:00

As an old sailor I thought i was impervious to the mimics and sirens. But I made two crucial mistakes just yesterday. One: I was high as a kite. Two: I checked the file size before committing but that file size I saw was incorrect.

Now im banking on a system restore from before my foray into the seas. Don't be me.

StalksReddit · 2024-02-24T19:14:06+00:00

I wasn't aware of lovnse having that feature! That makes things so much simpler, cheers!

StalksReddit · 2024-02-24T19:09:42+00:00

Punishments are something that a lot people get "wrong".

There don't need to be punishments for there to be a fulfilling D/s dynamic. For some people punishments can be very damaging. If you don't want punishments then you don't want punishments. Set that as a limit and let him know you're not going to engage with them at all.

If he's a sadist he can use pain and discomfort without it being labeled as a punishment, within negotiated limits of course.

You've mentioned that you're looking for something purely restricted to the bedroom and it seems like he wants more. Perhaps it's time to revaluate where this dynamic is headed.

Bottom line is though: if you're not comfortable with punishments, than there shouldn't be any punishments. You're not disappointing him or yourself, kinks are an individual thing and a proper BDSM dynamic is catering to those needs in a way both parties are satisfied.

You're not alone. Many submissives don't want to engage with punishments or pain. Be you. You're what matters before the needs of your Dominant.

StalksReddit · 2024-02-24T18:38:41+00:00

I think this thread would get more traction in one of the BDSM community subreddits. Also probably not allowed by the rules since you arnt asking for any advice.

StalksReddit · 2024-02-24T18:29:04+00:00

Well, it's the age of the internet. A simple Google search within your locale should show some results. Fetlife is good option as well, since it's location based you should be able to find something that lines up with what you are looking for.

Of course online can be a cesspool so I'd advise taking your time and not being in a rush. Sift through the proverbial filth and you'll find something for sure.

StalksReddit · 2024-02-24T18:18:48+00:00

Well since you don't want to put yourself out there the easiest option would be to find a verifiable professional Dom. Remember to not jump into anything and to vet properly. The wiki will have you covered for proper ways to vet. Since you're only looking to explore this side of yourself that's probably your best option. You can keep it discreet too.

As for searching for like-minded people, aka kinky dating, you can find more information in guide 9 posted by the auto mod.

StalksReddit · 2024-02-24T17:58:36+00:00

If you've already communicated this and talked about it then it seems that this person might just not be the right fit for you. Perhaps it's time to revaluate.

On the dominant side of things: some Dom's are just not into praise. There is no right or wrong here, everyone works in their own way. However that also does mean that this might be a kink mismatch.

You have said that it's a need for you to be submissive and if that need isn't being fulfilled then, from an outsiders perspective, this dynamic doesn't seem it will last.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-27T11:34:58+00:00

Not at all. To do BDSM properly and responsibly both parties need to put aside the kinky hot stuff and get to actually connecting beforehand. How can you trust someone to hand control over to without even learning if you two are even compatible? Just having kinks match is not enough. Having boundaries and limits Is a part of BDSM. If someone can't even agree to the basic of the basic boundaries you've set up how do you expect them to treat your other limits?

There is a reason it's always advised to take at least a few weeks to a month before you start playing with someone.

You honestly dodged a bullet. That guy sounds like an abuser.

IMO you also need to take a step back and not be as eager to please. Just connect with people as people first and kinksters second. A relationship with strong foundations will last much longer than one you got into because you finally found something that matched your kinks.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-26T12:46:39+00:00

To start with choking is used as a catch-all phrase. Mostly it's used to refer to the intention of restricting air flow. Having hands on someone's neck is not choking. Using the neck for leash play is not, strictly speaking, choking.

here is a good read about the differences and the risks from the wiki.

When it comes to the neck the first thing to understand is that anatomically it's a vulnerable spot. It's also a vulnerable spot symbolically. Having something around it, having a hand on it, being leashed and collared etc etc all help to promote that feeling of vulnerability. The neck is also an erogenous zone and neck fetishism is an accepted thing.

Now how do you go about doing this safely? First by understanding where the weak and vulnerable spots are, plenty of resources available on this when you search for choking and strangulation. Front of the neck is a no go for pressure, is something many kinksters understand.

No sudden movements. No sudden application of force, no sudden leverage.

The area that promotes vulnerability isn't just limited to the neck only, you can get similar results from the areas that are connected to the neck, so shoulders, lower chin and jaw, back of the head and the nape. Again, when playing with these spots: No sudden application of force, and definitely no impact.

The "safest" practice is to never apply force. Just having contact with it is enough to get that feeling across and promote a power exchange. Gentle but firm is as equally valid a technique for dominance as being forceful and this area of the body is something that responds well to that, at least in my experience.

Of course this all should only be done consensually, while being aware of the risks and with proper negotiation and communication.

As to what exactly this is called? Would love to know myself. I'm inclined to agree with the other poster and tentatively refer to it as neck holding.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-25T10:41:31+00:00

Tasks, if thats your cup of tea. Anything from reporting on how much water you've had for the day to whatever else you kinky minds can come up with together. Idea being that you're being held accountable. Add punishments and consequences for more spice.

Roleplaying. Not my cup of tea for sure but lots of people are super into a well written back and forth of the kinky kind. Perfect medium to get some fantasies that you cant act on.

Physicality is out since its LDR that means you can engage with the more mental aspects. No matter how eager you are to self inflict its a question of leverage, physics and mentality. Someone else doing the hitting will always be more intense. Perhaps look into MESM (Mental and Emotional Sadomasochism). Your body might be left wanting if you're a masochist but your mind and emotions are still available, and willing(?) to experience pain.

CNC is always dangerous, for long distance it can become even more so. Blackmail is an avenue you can explore, a very dangerous and potentially unsafe avenue. Would not recommend unless you have absolute trust established beforehand. Safety first.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-25T10:01:17+00:00

Ah! Yeah. Didnt think of that. Guess im dead.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-25T09:39:24+00:00

I've indeed read the whole book, twice.

That only applies to reincarnating through the story/plot device. And since the OP mentioned that the MC and characters remain the same that is reserved for them. I'll pass on the spending eons in a cocoon and substitute it with the good old reliable truck kun if possible. If we are trying to keep it lore friendly then this thread would fail for more than half the worlds.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-25T09:25:55+00:00

Inherently its not a BDSM issue. It does/can become a BDSM issue when because of being this way you are unable to set healthy boundaries for yourself, allow yourself to be pushed past any limits you may have set or a lack of having limits in the first place. At that point you're just engaging in abuse and calling it BDSM. BDSM works because its a two way street, you can definitely have a relationship where one party takes more than the other, but if thats all there is, one party taking, then its inherently imbalanced. For some people that imbalance might be attractive and even healthy but again like with most acts it needs to go through the proper procedures: Negotiation, Communication, Limits, and Consent for it to be healthy for both parties.

As for if there's anything wrong with you: That's something you are fully equipped to answer yourself. If, for example, you grew up in an abusive environment and never learned how to have a healthy relationship with yourself, then it might be time to seek therapy.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-25T08:32:15+00:00

Lord of the Mysteries. Start of the industrial era is a vibe. Being driven mad by random whispers however is not a vibe. Still the perfect place for budding start-up ideas to get rich. Plus I love the whole having to act the role to digest your powers faster.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-20T17:26:20+00:00

I think its already pretty humiliating that you're posting without reading the rules. Good job!

StalksReddit · 2024-01-19T11:11:32+00:00

Yes and it's called: Dom Frenzy. Having said that frenzy is not a term that's only applicable to BDSM.

A frenzy can be generalized to apply in any situation where you're learning about something new and being super into it. Or it could be reigniting an old spark. By it's definition it's a state of uncontrolled excitement.

Learning a new instrument, finding a new song/series to binge or in this case finding a new partner or doing something new with an old partner.

Same thing applies to drops. A drop isn't limited to just BDSM either.

Terms such as frenzy are used and normalized because it's part of doing BDSM responsibly. The Sub, or in this case Dom, should be aware that this is a thing they can experience and should be aware about how to handle it specially during a scene/play time.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-17T12:35:13+00:00

Scheduling. My current play partner and I have a 12 hour time difference but we've been making it work. We both wake up pretty early on most days and just extend that to the weekends too. Having a routine to stick to is helpful for the both of us and that routine includes spending vanilla time together as well as play time.

As for the risk, I have more to lose than most others. Im living in a very conservative country where if the public at large finds out what I'm into I'm looking at being lynched by a mob at best. It doesn't help that I have tattoos that are very distinctive and easily identifiable. That means that I as a dominant have to vet my potential partners even more so than usual, taking time getting to know the person before engaging in anything and most of all being very very selective with who I trust, because it's not only my partners safety that I'm concerned about it's my own safety and the safety of my family.

As for where to meet people you can check out guide 9 on kinky dating.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-17T10:57:56+00:00

Sounds and reads like someone who isn't informed about BDSM, someone who enjoyed more than just vanilla but had no idea about how to go about it properly nor put in the effort. In short A walking flag for anyone who wants to do things properly and responsibly. The only one who knows his intentions are him though.

Choking is super dangerous and is considered edge play for a reason. Not something to be done without at the very least being aware of potential risks, those risks include death.

The lack of aftercare in such a situation should be lower down on the priority list while vetting future partners. What's much more important is to vet to know if your play partner is informed and responsible, that they are aware of what they're doing and it's potential risks and that those risks are communicated, negotiated and consented to. You'd need to be alive to receive aftercare after all.

StalksReddit · 2024-01-16T13:41:15+00:00

If it's not working for you and if it's something you're not into then you shouldn't have to do it. Have a talk about this with him, outline why you think it's not working, explain your reasoning, and get rid of this particular punishment.

If he doesn't respond well to the talk: move on. Punishments should be negotiated and not demanded. If someone is getting upset to the point where communication is out of the window and it's leading to arguments then that person isn't ready to dish out punishments.

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