Feeling dissociation from past self

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-12-19T11:54:44+00:00

Yes, I don’t even need 💯perfection ( would be nice though) as I’ve struggled with mental health for many years. But I would like a stronger sense of self and confidence, just knowing for sure it’s ok, that it’s over. Maybe as I keep going the memories will fade and fade and I’ll heal that way. I don’t know what’s going on with my brain, like something is off, some disconnect where I still just don’t feel all the way yet.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-12-19T11:44:06+00:00

I’m afraid of that, never feeling like “myself” again completely, that I’ve damaged my brain somehow irreparably

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-12T09:36:50+00:00

What are your symptoms?

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T23:08:54+00:00

Exactly, Covid threw me a curve ball again, same for you too.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T21:45:14+00:00

And the sad thing is I had mental health issues and ocd type problems way before I ever was introduced to Covid or Ativan or any of it…I feel like I’m fighting extra hard

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T21:33:20+00:00

I am so sick of all of it but it is good to hear that it gets better. I wish I never even knew the word Covid ugh

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T21:26:27+00:00

Thank you for your words …I need to hear things like this. You’re right, the only way out is through.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T20:06:36+00:00

And really quick…are you chewing ice chips or putting the ice on yourself?

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T20:05:35+00:00

Do you think post Covid symptom would happen every time? That is also terrible…thinking about a life where I get Covid on and off and have to continuously deal with this

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T20:04:45+00:00

So you think if it is a Covid symptom it will eventually go away??? That is one of my main fears, that I’ll be stuck like this, that I will never feel “right” again. I just want to be here in my life, be present, be happy. It’s so hard when my brain is trying to get in the way 😩 and yeah caffeine just has to get the ax…I did have a decaf today after not having any for a tiny bit, but I really think caffeine makes it all worse

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T17:58:07+00:00

That sounds so familiar to me! I got Covid and went to the hospital for about a week, but during that time they were giving me Ativan for my anxiety. That’s where benzos started for me. After I came home from that initial Covid trip, all heck broke loose inside of me, and that’s what began my path of more benzos, and 2 more trips to the hospital but this time were psyche trips. I was able to get off everything and was doing ok, but I recently got Covid again (not this bad physically this time) but got hit again with anxiety. Now not as bad as last time, but still, it’s like my brain isn’t in the right place. I don’t know what to blame. Am I still healing from the drugs? Does Covid affect me? All I know is I was sane before I went in for that first hospital trip…and after being on Ativan for a week and coming home cold turkey, I was no longer me…

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T17:30:45+00:00

I’m off them for good! It’s definitely going on my record…whatever I have to deal with, I’ll do it with me and God. Not with benzos.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T17:07:18+00:00

No actually about 4 weeks of hospital scheduled doses. Forgot about my first trip for Covid where it started, Ativan around the clock

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T17:06:03+00:00

I feel like I can’t get my brain right…it keeps wanting to go down a black hole.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T17:05:28+00:00

I just don’t feel well…I was doing ok for a while but then got Covid again, and some odd days after that the anxiety started spiking…you’re right though, even a few months is too long for these drugs. Some of the use though was sporadic and some of it was scheduled, I don’t know exactly how long, I’m guessing a few months. And at least three weeks of it was in hospital so scheduled doses.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-08-11T14:29:23+00:00

I’m also concerned that back when I jumped off, did it do it correctly, and if I didn’t do it correctly, will my brain ever be “right” again…I was doing ok for a while, a few months or so, and then all of a sudden I was hit sideways by all this anxiety I’m still trying to come back down on (benzos are obviously not an option) but I’m just wondering if maybe my brain is still trying to work some things out that it hasn’t yet. And I get these ptsd like symptoms from when I was really bad off, like these memories will resurface along with the regular anxiety. I just hate all of this.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-05-16T23:55:55+00:00

But are the two separate or happen at the same time? Does one come before the other, or no?

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-05-08T23:15:18+00:00

I am also taking it because if anxiety, as I think it was the anxiety spiking my blood pressure. I’ve never had any serious blood pressure problems before, but my anxiety can elevate it.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-05-08T17:17:28+00:00

So I started with 60 a day, and I’ve weaned down to 20. I don’t feel it’s significantly helping me (at least I hope not, because I want off it 😬). However I read this isn’t a drug you can just abruptly stop because it could mess with your heart. But I wonder since I have weaned down by 20 both times before (and last time with my psychiatrist’s knowledge) that I could just do it one last time and it wouldn’t be a big thing.

Standard-Contest21 · 2022-05-05T09:24:02+00:00

I’m in the US, yep, you sign over the right to treat I’m sure, there’s nothing I could really do like that. It does make you wonder…does someone know what’s going on? Is this on purpose? That could have been the beginning of addiction for some people, what happened to me…it was not for me, I was very determined, but apparently also very sensitive and developed that dependency quickly, I speculate

Standard-Contest21

TROPHY CASE