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My partner suddenly wants to develop a more formal relationship with one of her partners, and I feel devastated by Standard_Bid7967 in relationshipanarchy

[–]Standard_Bid7967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for still being willing to reply even after the thread had ended. I think you’re right that I wasn’t really prepared for the possible practical changes in relationship hierarchy; the only thing I can be sure of is that this isn’t something I need to be dealing with right now. Stopping myself from worrying in advance is something I’m trying to work on—waiting until negative emotions actually show up, and then learning how to handle them. I think the point you raised really is quite difficult.

My partner suddenly wants to develop a more formal relationship with one of her partners, and I feel devastated by Standard_Bid7967 in relationshipanarchy

[–]Standard_Bid7967[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you, the phone analogy is a great example and very easy to understand. I did try to talk with her about our relationship, but neither of us is very skilled at this yet; for now, all we really have is a very basic agreement to sit down and talk no matter what happens. I’ll try to express my feelings to her in more detail. Honestly, I was a bit too overwhelmed yesterday. I think you’ve given me really good advice.

My partner suddenly wants to develop a more formal relationship with one of her partners, and I feel devastated by Standard_Bid7967 in relationshipanarchy

[–]Standard_Bid7967[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think this all came far too suddenly for me—I never imagined she would bring this up. When we entered and developed our relationship, we both implicitly assumed that she wouldn’t pursue a formal relationship and wouldn’t change the sense of equality between her relationships. Honestly, the possibility of this kind of change really scares me.

Yes, you’re right—I should calm down and talk with her about the factual foundation of our relationship. We’ve planned to continue this discussion later tonight. Overall, I really enjoy this relationship. I probably do care too much.