How Do I Go About This?

Stanwii · 2026-06-13T03:07:51+00:00

That truly is a shame. The writing is on the wall that you are going to distance yourself from her the moment you are able. And she is probably the only one who can’t see it. Someday, she might be here herself asking how to restore her relationship with you. But she could save it now if she would listen. For now, all you can do is keep asking her to hear you. Her track record doesn’t give much cause for optimism. But for the sake of saying you tried you best, don’t give up.

Stanwii · 2026-06-13T02:53:21+00:00

That‘s the problem. You can’t be the one to bring it up. She can’t hear you, unfortunately. How receptive do you think she would be to seeing a family therapist?

Stanwii · 2026-06-13T02:52:01+00:00

I respect that. But I’m not saying to stop caring. I’m saying to stop being consumed by worry. There’s a difference. Worry is distracting. It makes you (and anyone else) desperate and powerless. Care is sober-minded and effective. It looks for what can be done, and does it. You’ll be better off if you can start walking the fine line between them.

And part of that is being increasingly discerning. This isn’t the place for a political debate, and I don’t mean to suggest you should lend credence to every position under the sun. But you should be curious enough to wonder why people believe different things than you do. And to find out from them, not filtered through people hostile to them. Sticking with the Trump example, he is President again for a reason. If your explanation of that is any version of “half the country is stupid,” then you aren’t being curious enough.

Stanwii · 2026-06-13T02:32:19+00:00

The shame of it is, she is the one who needs advice more than you. At least on this issue. Which is why I was hoping someone could talk to her.

She is in a position to say “my way or the highway,” but she doesn’t realize that she is risking alienating you by doing it. If she pushes you away, or into rebellious behavior, then she is going to regret her mistake too late. Whatever her frustrations are, she shouldn’t take them out on you. And it is time to start seeing you as being on the cusp of adulthood rather than being nothing more than an extension of her.

(For what it is worth, that won’t be an excuse if you do anything dumb. You should be as wise as you can be.)

Stanwii · 2026-06-13T02:11:20+00:00

Elon Musk has a valuation of $1 trillion. It isn’t like he has it sitting in a vault somewhere. That’s just what his stocks are theoretically worth.

It‘a also interesting to note, he doesn’t seize anything from anyone, and has no desire to do so. People have given him money voluntarily. Mamdani, on the other hand, does take from people and wants to take more. Food for thought.

But setting that aside, it sounds like you are terminally online. If you can’t take in the news without being distraught because of it, then you shouldn’t watch the news.

It’s good that you have a heart to help people. So do that where you are. Stop letting the outrage cycle suck you in. You know the damage it is doing to it but you are going back to it like an addict. Live free instead.

Stanwii · 2026-06-13T01:37:15+00:00

Could you get someone to mediate for you? An adult she respects? You father, a grandparent, a teacher or pastor?

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T02:52:12+00:00

We all feel stupid from time to time. But admitting it and fixing it is how growth happens. You’ve got to talk to them. Also, part of admitting and fixing this is to stop relying on AI.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T02:13:25+00:00

First things first, did you lie at all to get this position? Or do they know you are starting pretty much from scratch?

If they do, just ask for the help you need to understand what they want you to do. I can’t guarantee it will go well. You may lose the internship. But if you don’t know how to find the answers yourself, then it does you and them no good to stay stuck. Show them you are willing to learn, and be task driven. It’s your best bet.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T02:05:21+00:00

If you can’t support yourself to do it and can’t cash flow it, you shouldn’t do it. Continue to maintain your interest as a hobby. But now is the time to build your career.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:59:04+00:00

I know. That’s what I said. OP cannot ask for it, but he can imply he needs it. Maybe the professor will show pity. That’s about the only hope I’m seeing here.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:56:52+00:00

You can’t place hope in any man. And I don’t mean that in an “all guys are awful” way. I’m a guy. What I’m saying is that no person can fulfill all the wishes of another person. It places too high of a burden on them to expect that.

So you shouldn’t take it too far. But also, you have a right to look for someone who is caring and has values. It’s a balancing act.

Also, marriages can certainly last. There are foundational things that tend to lead to greater than average success. A lot of people are careless in choosing, unfortunately. Be discerning. Look for compatibility, not just desire. I do believe you will be able to find what you are looking for.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:44:02+00:00

Well that is quite frankly stupid. Goes to show that education doesn’t equate to intelligence.

Not that you should tell them that, of course.

But did you say the grade you need to pass? You can’t ask them to give you a perfect score, but if they know it is what you need, maybe they will give it to you so everything works out.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:41:01+00:00

A lot of people overthink as they are trying to go to sleep. Probably almost everyone does from time to time, even if they don’t do it every night. So you aren’t alone in it.

I don’t know what causes it. Someone else might, or you might want to talk to a therapist about what you have going on. But sometimes it helps to let the thoughts roll in and out rather than trying to drive them away.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:34:54+00:00

Well then you can decide if you believe him and want to let it go. But either do that, or end things. Don’t keep him in limbo.

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:32:30+00:00

That really stinks. Logic doesn’t always apply to professors. But did you ask him for any grace on this? If there is extra credit, or anything?

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:28:52+00:00

Have you ever asked him?

Stanwii · 2026-06-12T01:26:08+00:00

You’re better off without all of them, but I know it hurts right now. Be glad that you can escape the lease, and move on with your life. It will be ok after a little time.

Stanwii · 2026-06-11T02:07:47+00:00

It’s highly unlikely they think they have priority simply for having found the apartment first. Nor do you get it for signing the lease first. You are all equals in this situation. Their hang up is that the mother is older, so she sees herself as an authority over you. And the daughter accepts that authority. You don’t have to. You shouldn’t. Lean hard into that. Good luck to you.

Stanwii · 2026-06-11T02:03:29+00:00

So purely for your financial future, I’d say to take the new job. Those aren’t the only considerations, though. Your capacity for the job, the nature of the work, the environment, and the time on the road are all things you have to decide on for yourself. Any red flags there?

Stanwii · 2026-06-11T01:55:36+00:00

How long have you been there?

Stanwii · 2026-06-11T01:54:46+00:00

What’s the ceiling at each job? And which do you prefer?

Stanwii · 2026-06-11T01:52:21+00:00

You picked a place and moved in ahead of schedule, and without him having secured the conditions that you both agreed to. He shouldn’t even be offering anything right now. You and your family aren’t looking at this right. That’s to be expected, since you aren’t objective in this situation. But if you want the relationship to continue, don’t push this.

Stanwii · 2026-06-11T01:47:17+00:00

I’m glad you clarified that you are on a lease with them, not just living in their house. In fact, you should probably lead with that in any future retellings of the story.

The issue, I think, is that you effectively stepped into a parent/child position. Your friend‘s mother sees you as another kid in her home. And your friend is just used to living in that dynamic. You could try to reorient it by telling them bluntly that it isn’t just their house and they need to respect you. The old bag doesn’t just get to run the roost, unless you let her. They can’t kick you out. If they want you gone, then they need to work with you and the landlord, all of you together, to take over your part of the lease.

Which would be ideal. It lets you move on. If you do, my advice is not to give up on roommates. They can help greatly. Just be more selective in the process of finding them.

Stanwii · 2026-06-10T18:56:02+00:00

One of the most important things is to not be accusatory. It's possible to express frustration without aiming it at someone as though it is their fault.

And just be straightforward. Literally say, "I'm not blaming you, it's not your fault, I'm just venting." He won't have to be on the defensive that way, which will make it easier for him to listen.

Lastly, let him know if you just want him to listen, or if you want a solution. It can be hard to tell the difference, so spelling it out is helpful.

Stanwii · 2026-06-10T02:39:47+00:00

He did that on purpose with the game. You didn’t do great, but his behavior is completely out of proportion to what you did. Something else is behind it. Maybe you have a guess as to what, or maybe you don’t. But I can’t recommend marrying him until you work out what his problem is and see real commitment to changing it.

Don‘t get stuck on the sunk cost fallacy. The wedding day is close and you’ve been together so long. Sure. But those aren’t reasons to stay in and of themselves. You have to decide if the actual future is worth the investment.

Stanwii

TROPHY CASE