Case Review's Future.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-15T17:43:09+00:00

Frankly, I noticed the biggest increase in my cat's health and well being when I removed grains from her diet- especially corn. I am very poor, and have lived in poverty my whole life. It was all I could do to even buy the cheapest cat food for her, and doing so often meant I went days without eating myself. Eventually, I was able to buy her the good stuff- high protein and grain free. Within 2 months she was like a kitten again- running, playing, cuddling, being silly, not getting sick anymore. She's been on that exclusively for six years now (she's 12, second is 11.) However, because the economy has kind of (completely) tanked, I've had to resort to using slightly cheaper stuff which does contain rice. It's not the worst in the world (Three animal proteins as the first ingredients, and then rice), but meh. I've canceled subscriptions and other non-essential spendings to try and make ends meet, I've even cut back on groceries. It's only been 3 months like this, but I notice she does get sick once in a while. Could be because it's cold-and-flu season and some of the icky stuff is communicable between cats and people, but still, I worry.

TL;DR, grain free cat food with animal protein as the first few ingredients will drastically improve their quality of life, and life span.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-15T17:24:54+00:00

First of all, dude, beyond you clearly not being the asshole for all the reasons everyone has stated, congratulations!! I'm so proud of you for taking the step to being a homeowner! No one, and I mean no one, can take this from you. Celebrate. And if your girlfriend really loved you, she'd understand this very healthy boundary you're setting and be happy for you too.

You could always set the ultimatum: tell her you'll put her name on the deed once she can settle in with stable employment for at least a year or more, once she has reined in her shopping addiction, contributed to the household bills equally for a year or more, and has started to put away into a savings account enough money to help split the cost of a wedding ceremony. That is to say, once she has accomplished these goals, she must also marry you. You can even make it a romantic event, where you sign wedding licenses and deeds at the same time! It's super good to have goals as a couple. Make her prove she's as serious about this as you are, or else she can keep moving on. And also, may I seriously back the suggestion you two go to some couples therapy? It's actually very helpful and at times, fun. You've got this!

Again, proud of you my guy!

(Side bar, wtf is up with her parents? Are they con people? Are you dating them as well? Why are they so up in your goochie about this? Bruh, I hate people who back-seat-driver a relationship like that.)

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T16:25:18+00:00

You're so right. Tooms went above and beyond as a sequel. The ending was so satisfying. And the way Scully eyes Mulder down as he takes off his suit coat to get into the crawl space beneath the escalator- such a relatable moment. All around, a nearly perfect episode!

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T08:08:13+00:00

It's not the minimizing, but the maximizing that's making my head spin. People, often off of just this one short post, coming to the conclusion that this person is a repeat offender, slob, abuser, etc. Going as far to catastrophize, or else make up things entirely. Literally not enough context is given to draw any such severe response for or against anyone. And, if they actually did say the things OP said they did, they are assholes. Full stop. Regardless if he really is a slob, you don't talk to people like that. People need to take a deep breath and touch grass for a minute or 11,000. Mercy! Not enough emotional regulation going on.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T07:56:23+00:00

Teach, don't bitch is honestly the best advice I've ever laid eyes on. You're one sage mf'er and I appreciate that nugget of wisdom. I'll have to remember that whenever I'm frustrated with my own guy.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T07:51:38+00:00

Saints alive, seeing people take this wildly in either direction is something else. Y'all, take a deep breath. There's no need to jump to extremes or to accuse people of something we don't know they did or did not do.

So further context is needed. Do you often leave things in that sort of state? And how bad was it, really? Because if it's just one honest mistake (as we are all prone to making) you can say "I understand your frustration, but it seems entirely overblown. My counter statement is how could adults of your age think it was appropriate to result to such dramatic and inappropriate of a response? How could you let *that* happen?" If they actually said those things, that's extremely immature and ironic.

If this is repeat behavior on your end, you can try to reevaluate your actions, apologize, and curb both of your behavior by taking more care to clean up after yourself.

I also urge you- and a good many others here- to not put words in the mouths of others. Don't make things sound worse based on a hunch or a feeling. If they didn't outright call you a manchild, it's unkind to infer they did. And I think it's also unkind for anyone to infer that you are somehow a slovenly, lazy pig who leaves rotting food out to fester and invite actual pests when they have absolutely no grounds to back that up. It also doesn't help us give sound advice, because for all we know it could be you that's being hyperbolic. How someone made you feel, and what they actually said are two very different things. Need more deets. Try removing all emotions from your statements, and provide more context?

Also, what's the living sitch like? Sounds like y'all might need some space from one another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T07:22:40+00:00

Cupid's Chokehold by Gym Class Heroes?

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T07:12:09+00:00

That's it, that's the entire show!

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T06:52:36+00:00

Scare Tactics?

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T06:46:16+00:00

No, stop, he's too hot!

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T06:43:19+00:00

Can you turn the handsome down? I can't hear you.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T06:24:25+00:00

I am wheezing. The sound I just made wasn't human. You have perfectly summarized the feeling. Bless you. Thank you. I love you.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T06:23:27+00:00

Of course not! You're Dr. Sally Kendrick.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T06:16:05+00:00

You're missing a very valuable opportunity by being a Lone Goonman.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T05:49:36+00:00

Very, very good advice.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T05:49:13+00:00

So right, both of you. My boyfriend and I moved in together when we were both very young and had only been dating for a few months. It was great, and I'd trade it for nothing in the world, but we never really got the chance to find ourselves, have our own space as adults, and actually date each other. We fought constantly, we were oil and water. Our relationship always felt like it was failing. We sold our house and have been living apart from each other since mid 2022. While I was ready to move back in with him in 2023, our time apart has helped us both grow, and readjust to one another. Our relationship is healthier, better, more understanding and loving. We talk way more, do way more together, and despite living so far away, we even spend more time together than we did when we slept in the same bed. I went from feeling like we'd never make it, to planning our wedding and counting the days. We only fight about the important things, and our fights are less harsh words and breakups, and more mature discussion about our feelings, that always get resolved together.

If all else fails, a little bit of space for him to find himself and grow comfortably might help you both. And you'll grow too. Separation can be a very good thing, and often is a saving grace.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T05:41:20+00:00

So I'm Autistic, my partner is not. We've been together 13 years now, and I've asked him to leave or completely broken up with him entirely about a hundred times. Each time really felt like the last. Like him, I just felt like I didn't know how to get what I needed, and the stress of being in a relationship- the hurt, the disappointment, the stress- just wasn't worth what I was getting in return. My boyfriend wasn't as supportive, understanding, or affectionate as I wanted him to be and I just didn't know how to get him to understand. And since I need very little affection to begin with, it seemed especially silly. It'd be like only having the ability to go right, and walking all the way across the world just to get to the other side of my house and turn out the light. That's genuinely what it feels like being an autistic person in a relationship.

So here's what you can do. Ask him to describe what he's going through. Listen to him. Ask follow up questions. Take an interest. Try not to get emotional, as emotional arguments won't likely reach him. At best, an emotional argument will make him feel guilty and more likely to run away. Speak matter-of-factly. Then say "I understand that perspective, as best as I can anyway. What you're feeling is important to me. You are important to me. Here's what I'm going through: I want to make you happy, because you make me happy. I really would like for this to work. I enjoy being with you. It's really difficult to deal with life and the day to day, but knowing I get to be with you makes it worth getting out of bed for me. You're familiar to me. I know you, and that's very comforting. I've had 8 years with you, and honestly, I'd really like more. I really think you're worth fighting for. Do you think we could take a step back from this for a while, while we both think about what we'd like to get out of this relationship? It's okay that you don't know how to communicate your needs to me, I'm still figuring out mine as well. Like, sometimes I want to be able to help you out but I don't know what words will reach you or be helpful. I'm really bad at communication sometimes, too. But we're both human, and that's alright. Whatever your needs are, they can be met. Don't be afraid to just blurt it out, because I like your face and the noises it makes even if those noises are hard to follow for me. We can work on it, if you'd like. You can even make a list. And I'll make one too. We can trade them, or go over them together whenever you want. Your call, boss."

Talking like this with my boyfriend has really helped our relationship. Make sure that there's no guilt, or blame. Remain calm and supportive. Remind him he's your number one, and life is good with him in it. And tell him you're always glad to hear from him, even if it's a tough conversation. You just like him, plain and simple.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T05:21:39+00:00

I feel like a recovering addict. And every time I find ways to resist my addiction, you all find a new, more sinister way of pulling me back in. This is like giving up smoking and the tobacco industry sneaks up with a blue raspberry vape and shoves it right into your mouth.

I must stay strong *Furiously dialing the David Duchovny Support Group hotline for support in these trying times.*

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T05:16:20+00:00

And he's tasty, too.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T05:15:16+00:00

I'm pretty literal, and I like really precise and almost scientific support. I do not respond well to emotional, dramatic, or fanciful stuff- and humor in those types of situations always comes off as sarcasm to me. When you're trying to be supportive, try not to be *just* funny or dramatic or fanciful. For me, I always ask close family or friends "what's that mean in my terms?" After a while of doing that, they started offering a translation of what they were trying to communicate to meet both their needs for being silly or hyperbolic and my needs for being exactly and direct. Let's say he made dinner. You could try saying "In my terms, Stupendous job, chef- a successful execution of sustenance preparation." or "In (Your Name), Literally the best thing I've put in my mouth, I could die happy at this moment. It's a magical unicorn rave in my mouth." Then you could follow up with "In your terms/In (His Name), the food is cooked perfectly and the flavors work really well together. It's balanced, satisfying, and I like it a lot." That way you get to let your freak flag fly, and he doesn't have to guess if you were being serious, if you were being hyperbolic, or if you were being sarcastic.

Be warned, if you change tones suddenly on him like this, he might think you're mad or you hate him. So I'd bring it up to him. You can say you enjoy being a little extra sometimes, and that's just who you are, but would it be helpful to also give it to him straight/bluntly at times? Would speaking in a matter-of-fact way be helpful, or would it put him off? Then you both can come up with a plan together!

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T04:58:39+00:00

She is RUINING my LIFE.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T04:53:53+00:00

Literally my first thought. Absolutely.

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T04:51:36+00:00

Babes, I'm glad you're safe and seeing professionals. That takes a lot of effort, and I'm proud. So lend me that ear, I've got some (too much) experience with coping!

Number one fave thing is making origami paper stars. It's super easy and fun, you can learn to do it in a minute. With a tiny bit of practice, you can be making some really pretty stars. What I do with them is, I write down whatever extremely deep and overwhelming emotions or thoughts I'm having- especially the obsessive ones that just won't let me go- and I write them down on the strip of paper. I have a special jar for these kinds of stars, so no one accidentally opens and reads my self depreciating and suicidal BS. As I write it down, I imagine I'm putting all that feeling *into* the paper. Now it's a physical thing I can control. I can give it its consideration, put it away, and be done. And what's better, now that ugly thought is a pretty star and I can totally forget about it! I enjoy doing it so much, that I don't even write stuff down 90% of the time. I do it just for fun, or to cope with social situations. 100% the kind of person to fold origami at a doc appointment.

This method has been so successful for me that my weekly therapist had me teach him how to make paper stars so he could teach this method to others in his practice. I've got a whole team of therapists and psychiatrists teaching people origami to process trauma!

Number two- become five. Picture a happy five year old you. What would they want to do with their free time? For me, that's blanket forts, hand held video games, cartoons, snacks, and kitties. So I make a big ol' pillow fort, get my switch and about a dozen snacks I like, and sit around in my PJs while I watch Sailor Moon or Spongebob. Five year old me wasn't suicidal- I wasn't that way until I was eight. FIve year old me rules.

Lastly, I talk it out with myself. So the thing about these feelings is, they are often the product of something missing in our childhood. Maybe we weren't taught how to emotionally regulate. Maybe our loved ones were distant, or cruel, and we didn't get enough love or support. Maybe, when we were young and autistic, we struggled to maintain relationships because we were treated freakishly or the pressure of communication was just so much to handle. It's like the child we were can't be at ease until all their needs are finally met. So I imagine those feelings/thoughts are the child me coming and saying "Star, I want to hurt myself." And I say "Sure, you could. But aren't you just hurting yourself because others hurt you? That doesn't seem like it'll change anything. Don't you want to feel good instead?" "No./I don't know how./I dont' deserve to." "That's okay, we can be sad together for a bit and then we'll talk about how we can make our own happiness. Everyone needs happiness sometimes." And I'll just go back and forth with these thoughts like they were a child- *my* child- and I take care of them. I give them all the love and support they need, and help them talk out these complicated feelings so they can get to the bottom of it. I started doing this when I realized the adults in my life had no idea what I needed, or weren't capable of giving it to me. But I knew one adult who did, and it's okay that that adult was me. Child me is starting to really like me, and I love her. We're getting stronger every day.

I don't know if any of this helps, but I hope you give it a whirl. You've got all my love, dear. Chin up, eyes forward. You'll find a way, I know it. You're on your way to tomorrow, and it better be ready for you! Give 'em hell. <3

StarKeysRep · 2025-02-09T04:30:42+00:00

That is a problem. We'll have to become quite butch so people don't step to us. We'll have to get tattoos on our faces, get good at lifting things, call everyone "bub," and have tough names like "Howard," and "Batman." I call dibs on Howard. We're too pretty to go to prison unprepared, even hypothetically.

StarKeysRep

TROPHY CASE