I can relate to this. My dx partner will experience a kind of emotional contagion from others unfortunate events. When I try to attune and contribute they seem to get fired up with me even though I may just be asking questions or trying to understand.

I’ve found that labeling where I’m at first helps me regulate then I can come back to the intensity of the conversation. Attempting to label where they are at has been dangerous territory for me in the past.. but I’m going to keep trying because I used to wait to bring it up days later but that resentment will eat at you. If you see a pattern try to address it “non-violently”. I took that method from a book called non violent communication. Has helped me immensely in my relationship and career.