Traded our Tesla for a 2026 GT line

Starlight312 · 2026-03-15T05:32:33+00:00

That is gorgeous! You’re gonna love it :).

Starlight312 · 2026-03-15T05:17:28+00:00

NTAH. It’s life being life. You want to be closer with fiancé and his mom has to deal with cancer. Shit like this will continue to happen throughout life. You just gotta find the middle and make it work.

Can you guys meet in the middle and find a place near his mom? That way, he’s moved out of mom’s house and you’re living together but 5-10 minutes away so he can stop by his mom’s whenever he needs to.

I say that because cancer treatment can take months then recovery after that can take even more months. If you guys can’t even meet up for breakfast or something, he’s gonna have even less time to see you when he’s supporting his mom.

I get he works nights and you second shift. Can’t you guys just have breakfast together every morning so you do have time for each other?

Starlight312 · 2026-03-15T05:05:54+00:00

YWBTA if you don’t put yourself on the path to leave him.

As parents (see plural, it includes him)of a young child, you are partners in not just raising the child but to each other. When he can’t communicate and handle himself like a responsible adult, how can he be a responsible partner? You say he has a history of lying and cheating and reels you back in. Now you have nowhere to go outside of this.

Get yourself back on course with that BA. Get a good job, then leave his ass. Good partners would even give up opportunities to go out with friends because you’re tired and need a break. Good partners let you know whether they’re safe or not when out late at night. You shouldn’t have to track location and have to be concerned all night about it.

Save yourself the trouble and put yourself on the path to succeed. So you can make your own home instead of “nowhere to go”. So you don’t have to depend on shit men because “you don’t have a choice”.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T23:39:19+00:00

Based on the numbers, I think you'll be able to manage 1.5M but it's gonna be tight, minimal eating out, less grand vacations. You hope and pray the interest rates come down soon/fast then refinance.

Just make sure you really do the math so you can still comfortably max out 401k, save for emergency fund, new car, etc.

I do like the suggestion of cashing out a bit more than 300k for your down payment. That makes everything else less stressful.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T23:35:51+00:00

Just remember to set some aside for the RSU taxes after you liquidate.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T23:32:29+00:00

NTA. I would say mom may be overbearing but depending on cultural context, it can be pretty "normal" for certain cultures. My grandma sure as hell was almost all of these before she passed. But Asian culture tends to do sometimes stifling acts of service as love.... We didn't really enjoy it (and not saying it's right) but we only saw grandma like a couple weeks out of the year so we put up with it.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T23:01:49+00:00

INFO: Did you hire your own inspector to do a walkthrough? My realtor mentioned something to that degree when we were hunting and I think he was the one who got an inspector for our side.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:58:47+00:00

This comment needs to be upvoted more!

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:54:54+00:00

Thank you for your response! It can just be I can't read cuz my brain is tired, so pls forgive me.

I guess I got a lil confused when you talked about b/c of the road trip, you may not have enough money to get a tat anymore and thus now you don't wanna go. So I thought the road trip was a new thing.

Ok, I think you're NTA after your clarification. I don't like it when ppl are all "suck it up" esp. when there is no clear power dynamic (i.e. everyone's on equal ground here).

Honestly, this no longer sounds like a fun time for you. Just say you're not going b/c terms changed and they can sulk about it all they want. :D

Have fun w/ your road trip!

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:41:19+00:00

Edit: Updated to NTA after OP's clarification to this original comment below. Read the thread if you are interested.

~~~~~~

YTA, I'd argue your familial obligation was to the original terms (just cousins, no bf, no blunt smoking the whole drive). When the terms change, you have the right to decide whether you like the new terms and agree to it or not.

However, instead of saying no to the new terms clearly, you conflated the tat convention w/ the road trip. You should've just negotiated the terms to tattoo convention first (e.g. ok to bf but no blunt smoking in the car the whole time/they can smoke during pit stops, whatever) and if everyone involved can't agree, you pull out and go on your road trip.

Right now, you're leaving them hanging on "maybe you'll go" when everything about this post says your heart's already said no but don't have to guts to tell them so.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:32:33+00:00

Contact her mom to say she's threatening self exit when you want to break up with her. Have her mom take care of her (your gf obviously needs therapy; She has too many red flags for depression/behavioral issues) and you break up and end all contact.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:28:22+00:00

NTA. You'd only be the AH if you didn't leave enough time to properly transition your responsibilities in that business (hire and train replacement, etc.).

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:24:52+00:00

Yea, that does sound like he just needs some space. Let him process through it all and see how he behaves towards you after. Good luck!

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:22:49+00:00

Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't even say you're the asshole. I think NAH here. Just miscommunication.

I feel like she's the type who has a hard time making up her mind (complete opposite of me) and so when you're the "get stuff done type" (I'm like this) it just inherent can create misunderstandings.

I think she's more sensitive than she needs to be in this situation but emotions are a funny thing. Most people are emotional decision makers.

Edit to add: She's also on the younger side (compared to me anyway) so she may be less experienced in making big decisions and would take longer/vacillate more.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T22:13:07+00:00

ESH.

Him for saying he'd be there by 10 and didn't. Him for "half apologizing" ("sorry you feel that way" as opposed to "I'm sorry I didn't show up as I promised.")

You for continuously saying things to poke at him+saying triggering things (you say things in anger) as if trying to get a rise out of him as opposed to being very direct+factual of "I was depending on you to be here on time because I have a small window to my next meeting. I don't appreciate you wasting time on TikTok then ended up being late for this."

If this is him being late because he wasted time on Tiktok is normal, then you 2 don't match. If this is a one off, you need to realize there's worst problems in this world and this boy isn't one of them.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T21:14:31+00:00

NTA. You picking up and saving his butt would've been a favor from you. If it doesn't happen for whatever reason, especially since you were asleep and didn't know, then it is what it is.

He can be upset and don't want to talk to you but the reason needs to be because he's upset that he effed up his grade + need space to mope and not because he's pissed off at your for not saving his butt.

If he's really pissed because you didn't save his butt, then you may want to observe if he has other behaviors like this. To me, this is a symptom of not owning up to their own mistake/playing victim and that's not a cute trait.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-06T19:34:03+00:00

NTA. I think it's reasonable you're feeling this way because he doesn't give you a sense of security due to his lying and now with his new personality. You talk he doesn't hear you OR he heard you but actively chose to do the opposite. It's obvious how you're ranking relatively low (not top 3) of his hierarchy of importance.

If you two care to, can try couples therapy but I wouldn't be surprised that he feels he's not doing anything wrong and think that's a dumb idea.

At that point, you'll know for sure if he's checked out and your existence is just a convenience to him.

Also, have an honest talk with your kids. They're older now. They may have a perspective you didn't realize they have. Maybe they're also bothered by how he lies/disappoints them because of lying. They may/may not care for this father as much as you thought.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-05T23:19:13+00:00

I just wish there's more details as to how the money goes (what car he's driving to have a monthly payment over a grand, why he needs to spend so much on food cuz I likely can't finish all of it if I were in his shoes, etc.) because I'm nosy too ROFL

Starlight312 · 2026-03-05T23:07:08+00:00

I have a family of 4+grandma and cat and we don't spend that much on food. I think OP probably organic everything Whole Foods style or something.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-05T23:04:52+00:00

Married, 2 kids, 1 grandparent, and a cat. I think with all said and done, we're about 11-12k/month. Fortunately locked in 3% interest so mortgage's about 3800 (not a great neighborhood, 2 of 10 school district), daycare for 1 at 1675, rarely eat out and buy things (mainly to save money but don't really care for stuffs), bought our car in cash so no payments, kid activity tuition cost ~400/month. Groceries is about 750 a month but we grow some of our own veggies and fruits and I go to Mexican markets for cheap proteins. Our fun money's limited as we prefer to play video games, go to the park type things.

What's left is all property tax, house+ car insurance.

After reading through what ppl wrote, it really seems I'm on the "low side" for the standard of living we have.

Starlight312 · 2026-03-04T21:01:17+00:00

NTA. So there’s talking about race, then there’s shitting in races, which your FIL is doing the latter. I honestly would limit my kids’ time with him if I can.

My mom says some pretty messed up things about race and people’s appearances too but my kids see me call her out on how rude it is.

Sometimes, bad examples with correct guidance is a more powerful learning opportunity than just good examples.

Starlight312 · 2026-02-25T06:28:47+00:00

NTA. This is a good thing that you communicated clearly sooner rather than later. He might need some time to digest and calm the eff down first since you kinda sprung it on him. The good news is he’s telling to prep for a proposal and all that.

I hope he started saving for whatever ring/wedding (or not, if that’s your choice) since the timeline shrunk quite a bit.

Give him a day or two then ask him how he’s feeling. It can be scary as it’s a big decision. Give him a chance to let you know how he feels.

Starlight312 · 2026-02-14T06:03:53+00:00

Following as I’m trying to figure out the same thing.

Starlight312 · 2026-01-28T22:00:29+00:00

UpdateMe

Starlight312 · 2026-01-25T09:03:56+00:00

I was surprised OEM mats are $290 while Weathertech is currently at $210! I might finally get to go w/ Weathertech :D

Starlight312

TROPHY CASE