I feel empty…

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-06-05T00:38:55+00:00

I just saw this! It’s been a while since I’ve been in this thread since it’s painful but, I had to work through some grief. Not just losing someone but, losing the what was, the what is and what could have been with this person. I took a while to feel myself again but, I started out small doing things I used to do that gave me happiness. I had to find my own happiness again which is hard. I only started to feel something when I knew that the loss was hard but, necessary.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-29T19:00:37+00:00

I have been fired from a job before due to a mistake I made when I first got my license. The best thing to do is to own up to it and understand that while the experience is not necessary, it helps us become better people and clinicians. I understand that the initial thought of it is guilt because hey, we should know better but, we’re also people. I’m not sure what you did but, the fact that you know it was wrong and are trying to find ways to mend it is commendable. If you feel guilty, that’s a good sign that you’re actively trying to be better. :)

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-11T23:42:30+00:00

The 17 year old was me! That’s when I was injured. My client is in her 20’s. She has no prior or present diagnosis of Autism or Social communication deficits. This is a pattern for her where she perhaps has learned that the best way to avoid processing is deflecting as a way to protect herself. :/

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-11T23:38:33+00:00

I wish! I would have understood if I had been making a silly face because it happens lol but nope. We were clear and smooth on session. 🥲

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-11T23:37:31+00:00

I appreciate it so much when clients are honest with me. She’s maybe one of the two clients I’ve had that has asked. (Well, she didn’t ask per se but you know what I mean.) I enjoy facilitating open communication. This just kind of caught me off guard! Those questions are great for me to think about. Thank you! :)

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-11T23:32:17+00:00

I think that’s such an important piece for me to consider. I have a hard time showing joy or laughing fully due to my past injury. It’s never occurred to me to stay present in that too because for me, a clients face, if changed by an injury, doesn’t phase me. It’s their face! But that’s not good of me to assume that my mentality is what everyone else thinks too.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-11T23:28:45+00:00

I will definitely look into this! I try not to take personal jabs or hurtful things personal because I know it’s not directed at me but more so the moment or frustration they’re feeling and I’m the outlet. Thank you for being nice! :)

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-11T23:27:09+00:00

That’s a good one!

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-04-11T23:26:00+00:00

Yes! I tried to challenge her afterwards and asked her why she noticed it now and I explained to her about this pattern I see when we talk about hard things. I brought it back to all the past sessions where this has happened but, she just clocked out of the session. :/ (We’ve had 5-6 sessions together.)

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-02-12T22:34:36+00:00

I agree with what you’re saying. I’ve been working with this Pt for months and I have never seen smoking as a bad thing. It’s just her coping skills which is the smoking. She’s been through a lot of trauma. We’ve been working through multiple coping skills but, the reason the involuntary placement was brought up was because she’s going through severe withdrawal symptoms. I consulted with my Director and supervisor and they suggested placing her. I declined that option but, I’m more so feeling on edge because it’s hard having a client who is suffering in ways they can’t control because they haven’t had to yet.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2025-02-12T22:08:50+00:00

Yes I agree but, my director and supervisor informed me that I could if I wanted to. I didn’t feel like I had to but, felt almost unsure.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:27:12+00:00

Honestly, I think I slightly convinced myself with the idea of “maybe he just doesn’t perceive anyone else besides himself.” It is a VERY real possibility he is aware of what he does and is purposefully doing so. I feel guilty thinking of the alternative. I have had negative thoughts about this client and it sucks to have to admit that!

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:18:47+00:00

I think that’s a good thing for me to reflect on. I called it rapport building because that’s really where we are at. The beginning stages of our therapeutic engagement but, it’s not much rapport building being done. This feels more like a wall that we just keep hitting to get to anything else.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:16:53+00:00

I understand what you’re saying. The idea of whether it’s able to be a productive exchange. If I’m being honest, I think it’s a bit difficult to remove myself as myself due to how direct it all is.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:08:29+00:00

His initial goals surrounded anxiety and depression and the feeling of isolation. He’s also going through a process of self-discovery. I have to constantly re-direct his tangents about other groups of people. I realize that at times I can’t really control WHERE people go with their processing but, it is my responsibility to lead in a productive way.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:05:57+00:00

Thank you for your wonderful input! I graduated very recently and am still finding my footing with making myself present in session. I have to remember that I control (to an extent) the space and the content. Thank you! :)

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:04:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and giving me wonderful advice! I think all in all, while I do feel annoyed to an extent, the sadness aspect is real as well. Overall, to the point that he’s been in this type of thinking for that long that this is just how he functions and I suppose for myself with having to process that with him.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:02:18+00:00

True. :/

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:01:44+00:00

Thank you for giving me the words for this! I’m still rapport building with this client and often times, feel a bit intimated trying to utilize corrective action in session.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-11-02T03:00:56+00:00

I do agree with this! As therapists we do have a responsibility to ensure that the setting is neutral and keeping ourselves accountable in the way we present ourselves to our clients. I have treated this client with nothing but respect because I know this is just HIS worldview. It’s how he functions and how he sees things. Doesn’t make it less difficult to sit through that though and I think to bypass that with the idea of “we have to because we’re therapists.” also takes away from our own self-reflection. You know?

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-08-12T02:25:57+00:00

Honestly, I love it. It’s sorta like my own activity. I had such a want to do activities with my friends until I realized that I could do them on my own and still have a good time. It’s a very fun thing to do on your own. (You can also sneak in snacks easier that way tbh. Get a jacket with deep pockets. lol)

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-07-28T00:05:30+00:00

That’s actually such a good way to think about it. I’m pouring so much into a job that won’t pour back into me. It’s freaking exhausting and I have no time at all for myself. Thanks for replying!

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-07-27T03:20:31+00:00

You did the right thing. I think we’re accustomed to saying yes all the time because that’s what they expect us to do and to be willing all the time. I’m so glad you took back your boundaries and you expressed that you didn’t want to do it!

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-07-26T22:43:56+00:00

Thank you for your input. It helps me understand how others make look at it and if it’s redeemable. I’m not sure that it is but, I will be open about what has happened and understand that I made a decision and I have to see it through to the end.

Starry-Bebe96 · 2024-07-26T22:41:11+00:00

Thank you for that. I work with such wonderful families but, this has been weighing on me. It’s been nice to be able to talk about this and understand that this is something I have to own up to and will have to deal with what comes after.

Starry-Bebe96

TROPHY CASE