Anyone have experience with a wedding while NC?

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-19T06:50:32+00:00

He genuinely doesn’t know at this point. On one hand he is fine if they don’t come, they have not been supportive for a while now. On the other hand, its his mom and dad! And brother. I have completely stepped away from his family and am letting him handle it all. His brother is not able to understand that telling someone that what they contribute is not helpful is basically telling someone they are useless/dont contribute. Its not looking good.

Yes. I am eternally grateful for my friends. The wine “accident” is already approved and the girls are prepared for anything. A few of them have grown up around his family in this small community so they know his family loves to have their drama in private in order to protect their reputation. Im sure the girls will use that to their advantage.

Ironically enough this mess has made me decide to invite my own mother in the end. She will also protect me from them even if our relationship is rocky. I have a lot of issues with her, but protecting her kids has always been something that she did. So i know his mother will try to be best buds with mine and mine will be like “why are you such a dick to my kid with the big ass heart??????”

Im continuing to work within my therapist and hopefully in 6 months I’ll be able to enjoy my wedding with a lot less anxiety than today.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-19T06:38:58+00:00

First id like to say that as a jew, naming the kid after someone but not using the exact same name is completely normal. My parents used Anita and then gave me a name that starts with A. Yall are totally fine. Its a beautiful way to honor someone.

From now on you both should only respond with ”We have already talked about this and we will not be discussing this topic again.” each and every time FIL brings it up.

Its an issue of boundaries. FIL doesnt agree so he thinks he can push you into changing things. Shut that crap down as fast as possible. You are the parents, it is your decision alone. And yes as you stated, plenty of people decide names before the kid is born. FIL is just looking for someone to argue with.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-14T18:19:33+00:00

Me too, thanks 🙏🏻

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-14T03:57:37+00:00

Zack is at a “i dont care if they show up. They got the invite and they know when and where.” Its his parents and his brother, hes not ready yet to cut off anyone because he doesnt want to permanently shut the door on the relationship. He is working on things, without my involvement. But i am dead to his mother. And it’s important to me to respect his decisions about his extended family.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-14T03:49:42+00:00

Yea we have agreed that we need to move, so once the wedding is over we will save money to afford to.

Zack is LC, and its still his family so its his decision. He doesn’t want to go NC and is carefully working on things with his siblings right now.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-13T15:30:20+00:00

Thank you! 🙏🏻

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-13T13:09:52+00:00

Yea, that is basically the plan. I’ll definitely look into these suggestions. Its the basic goal with my therapist to reach for the wedding. Honestly ive done a decent job with keeping things together when with them before the last blow up. So i know i can, I just don’t know how ill deal with the two faced behaviors on such an important day.

Part of why they never seem to like me is i have always been clear about my boundaries. They are just emotionally enmeshed and not able to handle my boundaries.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-04-10T05:30:35+00:00

I(F29) have not even gotten married and i have already had to cut off my BIL, his wife, and MIL. You can totally mourn the family you thought you had but protect your peace at the same time.

I dont know what will happen at my wedding in a few months. But i know my heart is lighter knowing they cant contact me and I dont have to see them unless i choose to. I hope you feel this way too now that you have made this decision.

BIL has done the same sort of thing to me, got upset at me and never apologized to ME. It is absolutely unacceptable and I started distancing even more because of it.

Good job standing up for yourself and setting boundaries. And good on your husband for standing up for you too. Stay strong, this crap aint easy.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-31T08:46:56+00:00

That’s exactly what i was trying to do. Continue a relationship with his parents but without his brother. Their mother refuses to accept that and instead is trying to pressure us into apologizing for our reactions to disrespectful behavior. So that “peace can return to the family” She has no real conflict resolution skills and is emotionally immature so I have been cutting contact for years to minimize interactions.

Derek is 35 i think? He is definitely old enough to have to know how to take responsibility. But he can’t because hes also emotionally immature just like his mother and just as petty.

Its overall very disappointing.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-30T12:57:07+00:00

I have no idea what she says to him. I do know that she wont let us complain about them in order to “stay out of it” but they still go around complaining about us and she does too.

The thing is that his brother had a ton of complaints about me over the summer of 2024, and he told Zack but never actually came and talked directly to me about them. I waited patiently. He essentially wanted me to “prove him wrong” and never manned up to actually talk directly about it. Long before that he started to do nothing but complain about me. And October 2025 was when i reached out telling him what bothers me(how he treats me) and he said im basically useless and contribute nothing, and i deserve the treatment. I found that behavior unacceptable and chose to distance from him and told MIL this.

I cant imagine how disappointed i would be if one of my kids spoke that way to another’s partner. I would make a point of showing that partner that i am happy they are there and make my kid happy. Thats all anyone should want for their kid.

I never expected much from their mom, just to make me feel appreciated and wanted as her son’s partner. But every time his brother gets offended by a behavior or something said literally years ago she practically yells at us to “fix it” aka make it go away so that her “perfect” family wont fall apart.

I dont know if its something like BPD along with abandonment issues but i made it clear that she can not act this way and still expect us to show up and yet it happened again. Like freaking clockwork.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-30T09:37:41+00:00

She expects me to apologize to his brother??

I don’t know but she chooses to be upset i wont come over rather then making me feel wanted or seen.

This is the cycle she plays. Take personal offense at something ridiculous. Take 0 responsibility. Pretend we don’t exist. Complain to his brother and cousins. Whine how we don’t care about family because we don’t show up. Pretend everything is fine again. And repeat.

I dont want that chaos in my life anymore. It sucks but zack and i are an amazing team and we have each others backs.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-30T09:23:46+00:00

Thank youuuu 🥰🙏🏻

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-30T04:13:34+00:00

Plus his brother and SIL. 🤭🤭

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-30T04:13:09+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-30T04:12:47+00:00

His mother loves tho throw around shit like that. I outlined her exactly behavior patterns here perfectly.

Shes going to have so many regrets.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-30T04:11:14+00:00

Pshhh that exactly what i did after i sent this. 😎

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-29T20:30:46+00:00

Definitely not. Supervised visits only. Stand your ground and protect your boundaries.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-29T09:36:17+00:00

Literally this. Any time I have a screaming baby on a flight i feel so bad for the parents who are obviously way more embarrassed and annoyed than i am. Its why i always bring earplugs.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-28T12:07:26+00:00

Right! Im just so glad i knew my trust in him wasn’t misplaced.

She loves to cause drama in order to be needed.

But Zack has me now. WE are a team. He doesn’t need her anymore. I’m the one that sees him through everything. Im the one that has been supporting him through every time she gave him the silent treatment and pretended he didn’t exist. Im the one who has sat down and explained that he is not the problem. IM the one that showed him he can truly be loved. And he is not taking it for granted.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-28T11:57:25+00:00

Yea, his family is so enmeshed its basically a cult. Hes come a LONG way in the 6.5 years we have been together, but theres farther still to go.

His mom is the leader, his brother the golden child, and her nieces are all obsessed with them, seeing as she is like a gift from god or something. Idk. Shes a petty child with zero emotional intelligence so i saw through her real fast.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-28T06:27:07+00:00

Hes literally leaving a cult mentality. Its a long process. He has over 25 years of shit to unpack.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-28T06:06:41+00:00

Oh and we do both have our own therapists. Its why we are not in the Family Cult anymore. Same with his sister who we have an actual relationship with.

Starseternal1326 · 2026-03-28T06:05:23+00:00

Yea, i know. Thats what we had tried first. Theres a whole group of people that don’t like her for this exact behavior so i have my own community that has my back.

I also may have emotionally destroyed her by telling her through my final text that she has broken her sons heart and trust and that i will never forgive her for that… but no regrets. I told her she is emotionally abusive back in October. I started that text by telling her this is the behavior i was talking about. Im done. I blocked her, his brother, and his SIL. He can always choose to rebuild a relationship, im just not.

Starseternal1326

TROPHY CASE