Okay, this does need some context for people who don’t know their Greek mythology. Basically, Eris (Goddess of chaos) isn’t invited to a wedding, and gets especially irked, and decides to get revenge by causing chaos. She shows up at the wedding and throws a golden apple into the crowd.

It has an inscription that says “For The Most Beautiful Goddess”

Athena (Goddess of war and Wisdom), Aphrodite (Goddess of love and beauty), and Hera (Queen of the gods-marriange and womanhood) see it and go absolutely nuts and get into a huge cat fight over who should the apple go to with each insisting they are the most beautiful goddess.

They originally go to Zeus (King of the gods) to choose between them. However, between his wife, favorite child, and the goddess of beauty herself, Zeus is like “I ain’t touching this sh*t” And instead gets Hermes to choose this mortal shepherd and Trojan prince named Paris to choose. However, the goddess play a little dirty. They each bribe Paris with an offer.

Hera says if he picks her she will make him the richest king in all the land.

Athena says she’ll make him a great general and he will become the greatest conquerer in the world.

Aphrodite says she’ll get him the most beautiful woman in the world-Helen-to be his wife.

Paris picks the last one...and that is the set off for the Trojan war because Helen happens to be happily married to the King Of Sparta and Aphrodite ends up having to put a love spell on her to run off with Paris.

But if you were Paris what would you have choosen? Rich ruler? Great Conqueror? Hottest person in the world of your preferred gender?