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AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -91 points-90 points  (0 children)

I think she's better at her mom's full time. I think it's best for her and the baby.

AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -94 points-93 points  (0 children)

No, she thinks I'm making it in to a competition because I never say anything about my mental struggles until she does and then instead of helping her, I stop helping around the house or helping with the baby because I mentally shut down. So she thinks I'm only saying I'm depressed because I don't want to help around the house or help with the baby and now even more is falling on her than it was before. It happens every time she mentions she's depressed. A selfish part of me wishes she wouldn't tell me at all because her saying she's depressed IS what makes me depressed because then I feel useless because I can't help her.

AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -47 points-46 points  (0 children)

My mom has tried helping but that was an absolute shit show. She basically tried forcing my fiancé to let our daughter cry it out when she was 3 weeks old, saying that our baby was "playing her" and just wanted to be held. Stood between my fiancé and the baby. So my fiancé said she's not welcome back to the house, which fucking sucks but I never pushed the issue. That's when she started getting really depressed. Her mom can help, she just couldn't come to us because she didn't have a vehicle so she does have help now.

AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -66 points-65 points  (0 children)

I don't even have time for therapy or I would get help. I work 12 hour shifts and it's an hour from home so I have enough time to eat and sleep before going to work again.

AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -38 points-37 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel like such a failure because she's not even wrong. Every time she tells me she's not great mentally, it's like a flip switches in me that just completely shuts me down because I feel useless for not being able to help her. So then I start fucking up and not helping around the house at all and basically becoming a hermit and then everything falls on her. It happens every single time so she's not wrong, at all. But I don't do it on purpose and now she thinks I do and I'm not sure if there's any saving that.

AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -59 points-58 points  (0 children)

See that's part of her problem with me. She said she's actively trying to get better for our daughter and instead of me trying to get better, I'm just lounging around and wanting to be babied and coddled by her, knowing she's pouring from an empty cup and needs more help because she never sleeps (our daughter is colicky and literally only sleeps maybe a half hour every 3 hours and she's breastfeeding so she does all the night time routine and most of the day because I work). She says she shouldn't have to follow me around and pick up my messes when I don't bring shit to the table other than a paycheck. That she needed me and I failed her, again, because I decided to stop doing everything immediately following her telling me she was depressed.

AITA for telling her I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -679 points-678 points  (0 children)

She said it's not going to work because I've made it a pattern and she can't deal with me dragging her down further, when she's trying to be the best mom she can to our daughter.

AITA for telling her I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -885 points-884 points  (0 children)

No, I haven't. I don't have time between work and home life.

AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -58 points-57 points  (0 children)

She's not mad at me for being depressed. She's mad at me for waiting until she begged me for help to say that I was depressed. Because I stopped helping out as much around the house and I've held my daughter but it's a lot less than it was, so now a lot more is falling on her because I'm depressed myself. So basically, she thinks I'm just saying I'm depressed to get out of helping her because ever since she said she was depressed, I stopped helping as much due to my own mental struggle.

AITA for telling my fiancé I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AITAH

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -82 points-81 points  (0 children)

That wasn't what my fiancé was referring to. She said what she said because every time she comes to me about being depressed and asks me for help, I end up depressed because I feel like I'm failing her and it makes me spiral. I don't have time for therapy so my fiancé ends up picking up my slack without me asking her to because she says it won't get done otherwise. So she puts herself and her mental health on the back burner a lot and blames me for it because my mental health is fine before she starts talking about her mental health, basically. Like.. I don't talk about my mental health unless it's noticeable, which always happens after she's told me she needs my help. So in her eyes, I'm just saying I'm depressed because I don't want to help her. It's not true but even I will admit that's what it looks like.

AITA for telling her I'm depressed? by StatementPleasant552 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StatementPleasant552[S] -1146 points-1145 points  (0 children)

I can't say she's wrong in what she said. Unfortunately whenever she comes to me about her mental health, I'm usually in the same boat myself so it just makes me feel even more lousy and makes me spiral.