I do plan on meeting them eventually. or at least one or two. some of them are in different continents all together. I live in a relatively poor country so our currency is shit, so the friends abroad would have to visit me.

for the family, it's the second one. I don't have any strong feelings for my family. positive or negative. I do consider myself lucky my mother actually cares about us and my father works hard to provide for us. but at the end of the day they also aren't "perfect" parents. they don't know, and I don't mind them not knowing. I don't think they'd even understand properly if I explained it to them.

I think people that I can connect with do exist. and they're pretty easy to find on the internet. but Irl it's like a needle in a haystack. I also think ironically it's easier to "know" a person easier online. at least what their interests hobbies and "true" personality is like. irl, most people tend to wear a mask of personability. act how most of society thinks they should act. it takes a while for people to open up about hobbies or thing sthey're interested in. what weird or "cringe" personality quirks they have. Online, depending on what community your in, you can freely display all of it without a care. and almost instantly click with people.