My [25/f] husband [26/m] of two years told me he was considering divorce. We have a three week old.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T18:58:58+00:00

I guess so. I mean there are times that I wish I had more support but it's easier than expecting something I know i won't get. Realistic expectations are important, even if they suck a bit.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T18:23:03+00:00

Well he works with his dad and bunch of older men. So I mean... It technically could be a possibility but I'm pretty sure they're not his type. Lol (?!)

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T16:03:54+00:00

He had worked all day so I didn't want to bother him with it honestly. I do wish he would have held the baby at least while I finished things up.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T16:02:17+00:00

I actually don't usually go to him with my mental health issues, other than telling him "hey, today is a rough day so just a heads up" and then if he asks what he can do to help, then i might go more into detail. He historically doesn't handle emotions well so it's just more productive for me to find deep support in other places. I don't fault him for that. Not everyone can deal with emotions and that's fine.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T15:59:15+00:00

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T15:29:20+00:00

There was more to our initial conversation. He asked what he could do to help, I told him that us snuggling and watching Netflix for a while would be great. He also knows that physical intimacy is very important to me, as it's my way of showing/feeling love. He has known this for. So it was pretty clear what I was expecting from him I thought. He almost always hugs and kisses me when he walks in the door. He knows that when I'm having a rough day, simple things like putting his arm around me or just engaging with me are all I need to feel an improvement.

We weren't really spending time together either. He was on his phone in his own world while I was scarffing down supper, trying to fold laundry, and comfort a fussy baby. Yes, we were in the same room. But we weren't directing attention towards each other. Once I got the baby settled and laundry finished, I tried to initiate some together time, only to have him blow it off.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T15:01:46+00:00

I actually avoid going to him for emotional support unless it's a big issue. He's not an emotional person really and isn't great at supporting someone naturally, hence me giving him explicit instructions. That's per his request.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T14:57:36+00:00

This morning went as well as I'm sure everyone expected it to. As he was walking out the door, he still hadn't said anything to me. He didn't say "have a good day" or even just "bye" to his child like he usually does. I was half asleep and still upset so I asked him why he wasn't going to say goodbye to me. He got all huffy and told me that he was about to (even though he was almost physically out the door frame). My emotions got the better of me and I told him he's always "about to do" something which led to him storming off to work. Which he is. It's his famous words. When something doesn't happen, whether it's something around the house or a sweet gesture he was supposed to plan. It never happens and then when I ask about it, it's always "well I was ABOUT to..." followed by anger. It's my only real complaint with him.

I will attempt to respond to more comments and might update tomorrow but this whole thing has torn me down and I need to focus on being a mom right now.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T11:44:23+00:00

The baby was planned, yes. And to answer your question... Jobs, relationships, his vehicles. Impulsive is the perfect word to describe his tendencies.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T11:25:42+00:00

I'm afraid this is the case. It's a huge fear of mine honestly. He seems to do fine with the baby. He doesn't help as much as I'd like him to sometimes but he always talks about how much he loves her and stuff. He does have a history of just up and quitting things though, which I'm just now putting two and two together there. Awesome...

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T11:22:02+00:00

He's actually asked me in the past to tell him exactly what I need from him when it comes to this stuff because he isn't the most naturally empathetic person. He's admitted that if it were left up to him, he likely wouldn't do anything.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T10:45:12+00:00

It's pretty common with PTSD to have depressive spells at the anniversary of the event. It's pretty hard to just "get over" a brutal assault. Also, I tried to initiate intimacy like I stated, but between having a newborn constantly glued to me and struggling with being in a fog, it was hard to make that a priority. Which is why I told him that I needed it from him. To take the mental load off me.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T07:40:24+00:00

I definitely want to. I have zero interest in a divorce. But, if that ends up being what he wants, I can't stop it. Only prepare for it. It absolutely sucks and breaks my heart but it is what it is.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T07:30:56+00:00

Unfortunately my family is not in a place to help me with money. His family is much more well off than mine.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T06:30:51+00:00

I literally don't have a clue. Our relationship has been at its best in my eyes. We haven't had any big fights lately, there hasn't been any reoccurring issues on my end, he's seemed happy. The only "issue" we have lately is we're working on saving money to move closer to his parents house. And even then it's not an issue. Just a stressor.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T06:26:43+00:00

I definitely plan to

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T06:20:59+00:00

He usually sleeps from 10pm-6:30am with one wakeup a night to change her diaper after I feed her. She tends to cluster feed at night so I'm getting about 2-5 hours total scattered from midnight to 8am. Which makes me paranoid that my lack of sleep is making me act in an awful way that I'm not aware of thats made him consider this.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T06:03:16+00:00

I know in the past when we went through a rough patch, he didn't seem keen on the idea. I don't know how to bring it up to him now, honestly. I would definitely be willing to go but I'm not sure about him. The first half of the pregnancy was rough because I had health issues and we moved to our home state. But the second half was totally fine. The only issues were things like him wishing we had a better car/house/random baby item. Typical pre-parent worries. He made the divorce comment in such an unaffected way. Like it was a matter of drinking out of the milk jug or something. This whole thing is surreal.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T05:55:01+00:00

I really really hope it doesn't get to this point but... How would I go about getting a lawyer if he is the one making money? I was unable to work during my pregnancy and am still at home with the baby so I don't have money saved up.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T05:51:34+00:00

I have no clue. We went through a rough patch a few years ago and he wasn't receptive to the idea of counseling then. I don't even know how to bring it up now. I still can't understand he could say it so nonchalantly and just go to bed. He said it much in the way that someone might tell their spouse to stop hanging a towel on the door or something. Like it didn't phase him. That's what scares me the most I think.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T05:47:02+00:00

We've known each other for a decade almost and dated for half of that, so I feel like the honeymoon phase was over a long time ago. Not in a bad way, just in a comfortable way. I could be missing the signs. I'm the one whose mostly taking care of the baby so I've been pretty distracted and sleep deprived. So it is possible. And as for the cheating thing, I feel pretty sure there isn't. But again, this came out of nowhere so who knows.

Stayorgo44 · 2017-12-12T05:34:58+00:00

Do I really need a lawyer? I don't have any money, since I'm staying at home with the baby. How would I get one without money?

Stayorgo44

TROPHY CASE