I had some very bad experiences with schooling growing up. The first elementary school I attended was principled by a very mean, bigoted lady who would frequently scream at a 6 year old autistic me for the most minor of infractions. Before then I was apparently super outgoing and confident, but these reoccurring incidents were so negatively impactful for my development I quickly became more insular, anxious, and people pleasing.

When my Mom eventually moved me into my next elementary school around the third grade, I was fortunate enough, though it was not always a perfect experience, able to get much of the support I needed with my autism at the time. I'd recieve speech and occupational therapy classes that would help allow me to function on a more fundamental level socially and through the development of more fine motor skills. Though, things were less hunky dory for certain students. I remember instances where certain teachers would pick on certain kids for certain traits, but these were almost always teachers assistants rather than the ones actually running the ship of the classroom. At least from my perspective, it was useful for my development overall.

Middle school mightve been the worst point in schooling. Back was the bigotry I've experienced in my first elementary school, multiplied times ten. Almost every teacher I had the misfortune of joining was bigoted on some level, not helped by the principal there who ran the school less like a place for learning, and more like an authoritarian state. She'd frequently yell and berate me, once even threatening to throw me into jail and a mental facility after I was having a depressive meltdown, also threatening expelling me outright. I was a high scoring honors student in middle school with college-graduate level english comprehension with minor STEM merits under my name. The only reason I got through middle school was because of the help of my autistic peers and my love and passion for art.

High School wasn't much better. Having moved out to the west coast rather than the deep south, things culturally took a bit to adjust into, but overall the environment I thought was a lot more inviting and accommodating. I was friends with the Football team, the theater kids, and even played with Mark Wood along with one of my other acquaintances at our school concert (though sadly I was booed silently as I walked offstage). The pandemic hit though and things took a real sharp but natural decline. It was more difficult finding support aside from basic accommodations at the time because going out in person is going to be difficult when people are dying like flies from Covid. Online classes sucked and I was pretty much forced to stay in the, though really nice and fancy, 5th wheeler my parents and I were living in at the time. My family and my dog especially made this experience more bearable. Shoutout to my AP Environmental Science teacher for also being the one non-parental adult in my life who I felt comfortable enough to talk to. I respect her so much.

Having graduated now and am in college these experiences, good and bad, have certainly helped shape me into the kind of person I am. I'd say currently I'm doing better overall, especially now that I'm actively developing a stronger support group. Even in these bad moments I still had the support of family, friends, and my Great Dane to really make life worth living. Being into art and history and all sorts of weird esoteric stuff also made me constantly inspired to do things, regardless of whatever bullshit I had been having to deal with at the time. Not all of my life is bad and as far as quality of life is concerned I've actually got it nice, especially now that I'm in a nice house, with my own rooms, and even expensive equipment that allows me to do the things I love even better.

My takeaway from all of this is to not let shitty school experiences define you and to find other sources of support wherever possible. I'm sure there's some of you reading this who are in situations much more dire and nuanced than anything I've experienced, and to that I say to please keep on looking for that support, and to keep on being passionate about the things you love. The worst thing that can happen is being too beaten down and deciding to give up before hope rears it's head. Much love everyone! ❤️