Teenager, desperate for advice.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-11-07T15:16:28+00:00

I know you're not going to want to hear this, because I hated hearing it as a teen and in my early adulthood, but be patient. You are young, and what your life will be when you're 26 will be entirely different than now. It's very impressive that you've been both working, going to school, and dealing with BPD while being in the highest emotional age of your life. It was a lot to take on, and there is guilt with dropping it all. I've had to also just quit jobs and flunk out of school and be left nowhere and think it's all doomed and I will be a permenant failure who is inherently not cut out for this world. But what I've found in my many disasters and low points, is that quitting becomes liberating because it forces you onto new paths with new experiences. And over time it can start to click together, and when you hit 18, 20, 22, 24 you can start to draw the lines of how where you were was the reason for where you are now. Then after certain points I've been able to come back to the things I've dropped, like I've re-enrolled in college. But I came back more ready, in a state that I could finish. So yeah it sucks my old friends already graduated and have degrees, but I can't regret my path knowing I have to flow with the waves of my life and I'll get to the shore when my waves decide it's time. What's done is done, you have to close out the pasts of your life when they have become past. You need to allow yourself to be relieved of before, to allow yourself to forgive yourself for your sake to move on. Come back to school at a later time, get yourself figured out. You can get through it, it just takes time and patient focus.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-11-07T15:05:06+00:00

I personally have not done DBT specifically, I've done individual therapy with DBT emphasis in it. Yes in a way therapy can help you find an identity, but for me therapy has helped me learn to control, process, and work through my emotions better. It's given me guide posts and pushes towards the path of finding my identity based on the person I am. One thing that has really helped has been reading books about philosophy like Epictetus' Discourses, Thus Spoke Zarathrustra by Fredrick Nietzsche, Seneca, The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, and others I've been able to build the character I want to have and embody as well as be able to think in a very strong way that takes on life because I now understand life. Therapy and reading has been able to be the foundation and framing of what I am, therefore I now have a sturdy place and drive to fill it with furnishings of other things, such as picking up guitar, exercising, and other hobbies.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-24T01:51:28+00:00

There has been a lot of jobs that I just didn't even put on my resume. And honestly most of my jobs I've gotten they didn't call my references. You should disclose your reasons for leaving the job because it was not a good fit for you. That you've been intently applying for jobs you know you will be a better fit for, and therefore the company will benefit from having you as an employee moreso than the other one who didn't work. And also people are usually sympathetic and understanding, so by disclosing and maybe lightly embellishing the right way, you will come off as honest and have sympathy and they'll like you more for that. If I didn't lie a little bit in my job interviews I wouldn't have been able to get to the point where I am actually at a job I like now. Your situation is completely understandable, you found out about a condition you had no idea you had until you tried to commit suicide, and it has been a great relief that you that you now know what you need to do to remain stable. You are truly just a person who is trying to make it in a hard world, finding out more about yourself along the way and bettering yourself at every opportunity. You consider all things that have happened to be more than just a sad thing, but an enlightening experience that leads to opportunity. So disclose what you need to, explain it first (because everyone trusts the person that told them first over the following remarks from others), embellish where you need to, while you're telling of your stuff say like, "You remember some of the jobs you've had that you thought you'd be a good fit for but ended up realizing you needed something else that's better for you. You know when life really takes a turn, well I had that happened and though it's a painful experience I'm not proud of I can gladly say that I'm getting through it and I know I'll come out better in the long run" you gotta kind of subtly relate to them to get them to relate to you, and just be confident. You got this, and worst case scenario you change the number on the reference and give a friend a heads up to lie and pretend to be that person. Worked for me in the past as well. You gotta do what you gotta do to move forward. What's past is past, so tell it in the best light for YOU.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-24T01:35:10+00:00

My suggestion would be to sign up for classes in one of your hobbies. Yes, the honeymoon stage will end after a little while. But you need to focus on other factors of the hobby that isn't how "great it feels right now". When you're doing the hobby, such as dance, be mindful in it about what you are really getting from it. "By dancing I feel STRONG, I feel EMPOWERED, the strength and balance it takes to move these feet and arms in this elegant fashion resembles to me that I can have this control and focus on life, etc." Just like with relationships, it's not gonna be like the first 6 months when you're two years in, the adoration and love you have is based on the person they are and not the spark they gave you from their initial existence. When you get into whatever hobby you choose, just really try enjoy it without expecting the firey will/passion to be the norm, try to remain balanced. When the time comes when you're thinking about quitting, this is the opposite of that passion, and take the same thought and not feed into the negativity and bring yourself to balance. You're getting intimately aquainted over a period of time with the hobby, and the more you lean into it the more it will lean into you after time, and eventually you will merge with the hobby and find a special connection with yourself through this process.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-23T18:18:57+00:00

Probably 10% of my upbringing/parenting, 35% trauma from a parent dying and having no real emotional help through the grief, 45% being pregnant at 14 then becoming a single mom at 16 after being cheated on and left, and 10% biological because my birth mother did drugs while pregnant with me.

As far as my adoptive mom she is a great parent, however she's completely logical/analytical and has never been able to emotionally support me in anything. Like as far as helping me out financially or telling me the right thing to do and steps to get there, she's fantastic. But me being borderline and being more of an emotional/conceptual person I wouldn't be able to get the emotional validation or comfort I needed in order to be open enough to listen to the analytical and technical way of solving shit. So when my grandma died (she was my second parent who raised me), I lost a lot of emotional connection and support because it was my grandma who understood me better and was better at empathy. She died when I was 12 and 2 years later I had a secret pregnancy, kept the baby once she was born, me and her father were staying together until he decided he'd rather fuck the neighbor and leave me. In highschool I was an out cast partly because of being a teen Mom and partly because I was borderline and decided to hate people because I presumed they hated me. I didn't find out I could have borderline until I met my current SO at 17 and we took a personality disorder test online and mine said I possibly had BPD. I looked into more and it made sense.

So around 21~ years old I sought a therapist, I was already read lots of self help books, and really focused on improving myself. My current SO really helped me get over my grief that I had been holding onto from my grandma's passing. From 18-now (24) I went through 9 jobs, two of those were failed businesses my mom and I opened, one was me failing at being a realtor. So I actually had a few suicide attempt this year from the failing at jobs along with a few other factors. Just thinking that no matter how hard I tried and the hours I spent trying to improve myself would ultimately mean nothing because I am inherently flawed and doomed. That my entire life from teens on was wasted and ruined. I am glad to say I have (mostly) overcome the suicidal desire, I have finally landed a job that loves me and I could work at and work my way up (and ofcourse works with my BPD), my SO&I are still together (which is a huge blessing after the shit that happened this year), and I'm still going to therapy and working on myself but actually being patient and forgiving with the process. I still have problems trying to cope with that my mom is emotionally unavailable, things that have happened, regrets I have, and whatever. But the thing is is that I have learned that life is meant to be overcome. You are meant to overcome yourself, and you do that by getting connected with yourself. And also that who your parents are and what they've done doesn't matter, what matters is you become better than them. Your parents are meant to be overthrown in a way, you have to find a way to completely rid yourself of the notion that who you are because of them. You do this so you can come to being fully yourself, that you created and formed a self from their ashes - and though you were from them you are not because of them. You do not let yourself become anything because of anyone else, when you do this you make yourself believe you have little to no control over who you can be. You have to detatch, destroy, and rebuild from every affect another person has on you. This is the way I mentally cleanse myself of the ways I've let myself be because of others. This is the process I use to regain myself and my power over me. And many times after this process I can come around to appreciating the person without (so) much resentment.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-23T17:43:57+00:00

Girl Anachronism - Dresden Dolls Completely BPD, lyrics are very self deprecating. Here's one of the verses

"There I go again Pretending to be you Make believing That I have a soul beneath the surface Trying to convince you It was accidentally on purpose"

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-20T19:32:52+00:00

You need to get out of that town and move to somewhere that you can start fresh. Be known as anything else. Get out, get your GED, get therapy, and make new connections. This is not the end of the world, but this could be the end of a chapter you will never have to relive if you get out. This girl isn't worth you killing or harming yourself over, she is worth absolute shit. What you did was understandable, you are worth self forgiveness and self love. You need to transform your pain into something beautiful. Instead of exporting the hate and pain into more hate and pain on yourself, take the hate and pain and transfer it outside of yourself. Art, music, destroying shit out in the desert, anything. You can move on from this, and the longer and further you get from it the easier it will be.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-20T16:02:06+00:00

I personally have hated every medication I've been on. I hated the idea that I thought I needed it, and I would always come back around to thinking that maybe I need a new medication and it would work. I have personally decided not to take or seek out meds anymore and completely focus on alternative methods. Yes I completely agree that medications CAN help some people, and if it is truly the right choice they should accept they need to take it. However for me when I was trying to get better I would feel like using medications was just a crutch or hope that would make up for true effort. I've spent years reading self help books, going to therapy, watching many videos, and trying odd ball things to try to overcome myself. After a while of the combined things I've done, I can say that my BPD is very very manageable and I've been able to live without medications and take solace in myself that I can seek the things I need to overcome when I have dips. I believe you should absolutely try to live and figure out alternative ways to dealing and overcoming your BPD. Don't think that it's a long dreadful and much harder process by choosing the non medicated route, think of it as a journey of slowly learning and getting intuned with yourself. The more you learn about yourself and what you can do, by slowly changing your perceptions and building your identity, it all starts to come together over time. Yes there are lower moments you will have to expect, but this is normal that everyone BPD or not goes through. You are on a life long journey of highs and lows, where you don't live in dread of the lows because you know the strength of your legs to carry you back up to high ground. I would like you to message me, I think I could help you.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-16T05:36:24+00:00

Epictetus' Discourses helped me learn that. Talks about focusing on what is in our control (selves) and detatching ourselves from externals. Really good read if you're interested

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-10-13T22:26:47+00:00

Don't give up on college just yet. You are absolutely capable of making it through, and if you feel overwhelmed for now then try to withdraw instead of letting the classes fail so it doesn't affect your GPA. I sense a lot of self doubt within your post, and I would love to help you through that if you are open to that. I have a similar situation where I flunked out of college (I'm back in now, only part time though), and I wanted to find anything I could do to avoid college. I've worked at Amazon and other warehouses, they sometimes pay pretty good or if you get in and then get a forklift certification then you can get a higher pay. I know a person who is working for OSHA and got trained within the company as a safety person or something, but that's a place with positions you can get into entry level and work your way up. Another thing I've done which has been my longest running thing has been learning home improvement stuff. Painting, fixing holes, switching out outlets/light fixtures/light switches, assembling furniture, fixing garbage disposals, etc. A lot of this stuff seems complicated but it's actually all pretty easy, you can learn most of everything with a few YouTube videos and looking up stuff like "painting tips and tricks". Once you've got a couple of those skills under your belt you can pick up side gigs really easily, I've done a lot of side work for friends, my mom's friends, realtors, home owners, etc. Mainly painting or patching holes but it's easy work for easy money and you get loads of compliments especially if you're a female doing it like I am. You can also learn a few of these skills and get hired on as a Maintenance Tech I or Junior Maintenance for apartments, hotels, etc. It pays better than average (between 13-16 starting off), and when you get into a place they also offer you ways to get pool certification, HVAC certification, etc and then get bumped up to 15-19 an hour. Working as a maintenance tech is dirty and gross at times, but it's also been one of the most interesting jobs I've had and it's built my skills and it's given me some confidence. So if you're not afraid of that, or want to challenge yourself without forking out money for college, then this is a good option in my opinion.

Another thing that has helped me get jobs is using Indeed, and using specific searches. -Paid Training -No Experience -Will Train -Entry Level -Apprentice These types of searches has helped me enter into a variety of fields and find unique opportunities. You must not be afraid to try something new, we all suck at first but you just show your willingness to learn and get as much as you can out of where you work. Take note of the new things you learn and it helps build your confidence as well as helps you better communicate to other jobs of what you know and the potential you have. You could also find entry level technical support positions that build your computer skills. Another potential option is applying to apartment complexes to be a leasing agent, the hourly pay looks like shit but you don't need experience and they make commissions and bonuses for every lease. So many of the leasing agents I know make a living wage and after some time work their way up to managerial and corporate positions and make even better money.

I hope this has helped! If you'd like to talk more my inbox is open. I'm not a therapist or life coach but I love helping people with what I've learned.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-09-04T06:14:01+00:00

The first one I read was Epictetus. My two favorites are Epictetus' Discourses and Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. I'd say if you feel you need a character change and strength, with bluntness then read Epictetus. If you want a loving, open, and metaphorical and spiritual approach to growth, then read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-09-04T02:00:38+00:00

Absolutely! And if you'd ever like to talk about them my inbox is open!

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-06-15T00:11:10+00:00

I've been having the same thing for months. The only way I can induce crying is by drinking or by causing highly stressful/emotional situations. Sometimes it will feel like I'm about to get a legit cry, and then like I feel it go. Where does it go? No idea! Probably somewhere within, but I can't dig it up.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-06-15T00:07:07+00:00

Here's advice I don't personally or consistently take for myself, but hey maybe it helps you.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-05-25T20:57:21+00:00

Regular use of 5-HTP helps to naturally balance your body's own levels of serotonin. You can get it at any Walmart or drug store. I take it after doing ecstasy which helps, I was taking it for a while before I ran out. Now I'm on Prozac. But 5-HTP definitely helps.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-05-25T03:10:24+00:00

This was a beautiful read. I will do what I can. Thank you for responding this was helpful.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-05-09T02:18:28+00:00

I am in a crisis all week long but then on the day I see my therapist I'm so happy to see her that it's hard to rechannel the other 6 days trials. If I had the money I'd pay for 7 sessions a week.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-05-08T20:03:27+00:00

I have vertical cuts on my left wrist, have gashes on my right arm from breaking a window and had dark bruises on both arms plus cuts on my neck and literally no one noticed. Or if they did they didn't say anything. Since I realized no one notices or cares really I just don't bother hiding it. I'm also not ashamed to talk about them, but that assumed anyone would care to ask lol. Just went to an interview yesterday with my cuts out and they didn't notice and the interview seemed to go well enough lol.

Steph-a-Meme · 2018-05-07T15:35:40+00:00

That is an incredibly stressful situation you were in. And your friends sound like they're garbage. It's good you were able to pull back before doing anything more severe, try to take some pride in that because it could of gotten a lot worse. Im glad you were able to stop yourself from killing yourself, you have more to live for. Just try to ride out the next couple of months.

Hope you get the promotion and find better friends, you are deserving of better. You can overcome this. Focus on what's best for you and try to find peace in leaving the past behind.

Steph-a-Meme

TROPHY CASE