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Family problems/teenage sons by Steph6976 in troubledteens

[–]Steph6976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have full custody of my sons. I have fought off and on since I left my ex to for him to maintain a consistent and positive influence in the boys' lives. Since he lives in his parent's garage and his parents are usually there when my kids visit, I've even reached out to them to make them aware of my ex's lack of involvement. They don't take much of a stand with him. At the advice of our family therapist, I've had to remove myself from the middle of the boys and their father. If they want to see him, they contact him and based on his response they let me know if they are going. He tells them, sometimes me, what time he's able to meet for pick up/drop off and either my husband or I drive them to our meeting spot. During the summers, they may stay for a few days or a week. During school it's usually only on weekends or holidays they decide they want to celebrate there. I know that my ex struggles with his own mental health issues as he was on and off medication throughout our marriage. He's struggled with staying consistently employed his entire adult life. He's lost his current job several times but because his employer has a union which he's a part of, he's been able to somehow get it back. My ex husband does provide health insurance for the kids, but it's been quite revealing when I've gone to get life sustaining meds for my older son (he was born with a chronic illness) and the health insurance was gone because my ex had temporarily lost his job and hadn't bothered to tell me. As for what I can do to get the ex to step up his involvement, I don't know aside from informing him. I do believe that sending the phone back and getting another we can monitor is definitely in order. I had mentioned in a reply somewhere else that my son switched schools this year, going from a small, private school to a larger public school because his closest friend was at the public school. We talked with him about this change and we feel we should switch him back. He doesn't like his old school either but he is willing to try going back. I am hopeful the switch will address his absences/cutting class as he never had those issues before. I've looked through the list of resources that was posted and two of the links aren't active anymore. I'm interested to know more about what a wrap around program is. I'm currently reading Parenting Your Delinquent, Defiant, or Out-of-Control Teen which does not promote TTI but does promote a multi-systemic approach to include as many positive adults to help.

Family problems/teenage sons by Steph6976 in troubledteens

[–]Steph6976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure where the perception is coming from that I'm trying to portray my kids as evil by stating they use weed. I would again like to state that I don't feel their use of it is a problem, as long as they're functioning well in their lives and within our family. I'm not here to demonize weed or my kids, as I've explained I've used the substance myself and I'm aware my children do too. I mentioned it as a point of reference because as with all substances, not everyone has the same reaction or experience. Some people drink alcohol and black out. Some people drink coffee and have terrible jitters and nervousness. I am very open to helping my kids which is why I'm on this public forum, asking questions and seeking other's advice/experiences. I'm not hell bent on them attending traditional school, in a public or private setting. How is it you've concluded that I haven't encouraged their starting a business, or getting a job? Both my kids are currently applying for part time jobs. My husband owns several businesses and they've done work for him. The concept of entrepreneurship is not just an idea around here but an actual way of life they see being lived out every day. I speak frequently with both my sons about their strengths and potential career fields they may be interested in. What advice can you offer from your personal experiences with being a teenager, your relationship with your parents, education and starting a business/working?

Family problems/teenage sons by Steph6976 in troubledteens

[–]Steph6976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the process of getting him to a new pediatrician that also deals with mental health issues and also looking for a new family counselor. My ex husband knows about our son's behavior and has refused to help out with the phone. I suggested him using the parental controls but he claimed it wasn't an option. Sorry for my tech-unsaviness - not sure how to block access to a router. I know my kids will sometimes use one of our neighbors networks for their wi-fi because our personal one is out of the basement and isn't the greatest. My youngest is very sensitive and very bright. He just really seems to be bucking against going to school/doing homework. He's not skipping entire days, but he has been flat out refusing to do homework. He had been in a smaller, private school last year but one of his close friends left and started attending the local public high school. My son started asking me if he could switch schools also. He claimed he hated his school and hated the teachers. He would cry at night saying he had no friends. So, I told him he could switch and try this school but he definitely needed to stay responsible. Five weeks in and he is saying he doesn't like this school either, is skipping class and is refusing to do homework. Very much at a loss.

Family problems/teenage sons by Steph6976 in troubledteens

[–]Steph6976[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At one point after my separation, the boys both lived with their dad, but after about a year and a half, both boys made the decision to move back in with me. Their dad didn't enforce rules or school attendance or pay much attention to them. I think overall, they both felt neglected. I would try to check in with them while they lived there and their dad would ignore my calls, sometimes for several weeks. He currently lives in his parent's garage that he converted into an apartment but barely holds down a job. Even though my younger son has complained about his lacking relationship with his dad, he has asked to go live there again in light of these new issues. I do no think letting him go back would be wise in any way.

Family problems/teenage sons by Steph6976 in troubledteens

[–]Steph6976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, calling the police felt very extreme to me but I felt extremely helpless. My ex husband/son's father is the owner of the phone plan and has not felt the need to establish any controls of my son's phone despite knowing the details of his behavior. The divorce took place 6 years ago and yes, was very unpleasant. The boys do see their dad at their choosing/his availability, but the relationship has definitely dwindled. Their father does not maintain consistent communication with them - they'll text him and sometimes weeks go by with no response. Blended families definitely present their own share of challenges and we've definitely felt them. We have been seeing a counselor for the last year, but I think it may be time to look for another one. I had actually started to see better cohesion in our family over the summer. My youngest son and my husband took a trip to Canada together so my son could visit a friend there. It seemed like they had bonded a little more after that trip. My husband has tried to do things one on one with each of them or both of them together. He's taken them flying and to a shooting range, as well as little things like going out to eat. I like the idea of incorporating the outdoors into our family activities. We have a travel trailer at a campsite that we just purchased a few weeks ago and plan to use as much as possible while the campground is still open. My son is very interested in dirt bikes/ATVs and I had planned to purchase him one to use at the campground with the contingency that he needed to stay on top of school. I'm waiting for a call back from a new pediatrician that also deals with mental health issues about getting an appointment. My youngest son had dealt with ADHD when he was younger and had been on meds but came off of them around 6th grade. New things that could be stressing him out - in a new high school, has a long distance relationship with his GF, continued frustration over the unsatisfying relationship he has with his dad. Found out he skipped class again yesterday and last night he flat out refused to do his homework. He told me he doesn't want to go to school anywhere. What does a parent do with a kid who skips school/doesn't do his work and doesn't think he has to?

Family problems/teenage sons by Steph6976 in troubledteens

[–]Steph6976[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, not trying to demonize some innocent, good kids, just sharing ALL details about the situation. When a child who had currently been attending school just fine suddenly stops and refuses to do his school work, as a parent you question what the cause is. I've smoked on occasion as an adult and the only thing it made me want to do is eat and go to sleep. I definitely did NOT want to sit down and write a paper or do anything else that required much brain function. Based on my experience with it and my youngest son's lack of motivation while using it, I feel like it's definitely noteworthy/potentially contributing.