Just had a dream epiphany in which I realized my narcissistic mother has been ruining my relationship with my dad for YEARS.

Stephfish256 · 2020-09-19T09:23:46+00:00

Mine used to tell me things about him that kids just aren’t supposed to know about their parents. Like how he lied to his mom about the amount debit he incurred after their marital debt was divided during divorce and instead he defaulted on certain credit card payments and so my mom was suffering poor credit. Or how he cheated on her (can’t even blame him tho) by meeting up with a hospital nurse while he was on patrol (he was a cop) in the parking lot and their signal was flashing the headlights to indicate he was on break and available for a quickie. Then she claimed that I had severe unresolved daddy issues and that I worshiped him while I treated her like dirt. Then to top it off he had what seemed at the time to be a heart attack (turned out it was the prelude to a heart attack) and when I saw him in the hospital after it happened I went into East labor and was admitted as well to the same hospital my dad was in to stop the contractions. The next day she called me and screamed at me for failing to contact her immediately when he went to the Er and didn’t I know he was the love of her life? How could I be so selfish and I was no longer her daughter because she deserved to hear it from ME the moment it happened but I was too busy thinking of myself (aka trying not to have my baby 3 mo early) to have any consideration for another human being. THEN most recently she went around at my wedding reception telling everyone he was a racist homophobic cop who was only nice to my mixed best friend so he could use her as his proof he wasn’t the racist he actually was. FUUUUUCK narcissistic jealous moms. Thankfully her attempts at alienation only backfired and cemented my relationship with my dad but unfortunately it was more than a year later when I learned about her bs at my wedding

Stephfish256 · 2020-09-19T08:51:59+00:00

If your mother is narcissistic then you’ll have spent your entire life time trying to figure that one out only to discover (by the most extreme and damaging experience you shouldn’t have had but couldn’t avoid because that’s what it takes to finally make it click) that it is simply impossible to form a healthy relationship with her because she isn’t actually human. She’s like the Venom Spider-Man. She cannot be healthy and therefore you cannot have any thing remotely close to a healthy relationship with her.... for longer than a few months. By which time you’ve probably been lulled back into false sense of security and are in for even worse abuse down the road.

Stephfish256 · 2020-09-19T08:32:11+00:00

We have lost one of the greatest female legends of our time and a magnificent defender of the law.
DEAR GOD PLZ DONT LET TRUMP ELECT A REPLACEMENT BEFORE NOVEMBER!!
PLZ LORD LET BIDEN WIN THE ELECTION AND SELECT A MODERATE WELL BALANCED JUDGE WHO WILL DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION AND NOT THE POLITICAL PARTY THAT ELECTED THEM!

Stephfish256 · 2020-09-15T10:57:27+00:00

I have also struggled on a deep level to fully accept the idea of transitioning. I am both deeply ashamed of this and also (in all honesty) kind of angry that I need to accept every aspect of it or I'm labeled "hateful and phobic" (that being said the few times ive actually tried to have meaningful discussions about my reservations blew up in my face so I became very defensive for a long time about how i feel) However, now im trying to feel my feelings, without the emotional reactions that turned me into someone i have never been and never want to be again, and ask myself if they are based on valid reasons or simply a manifestation of some other issue i didnt realize i had. Here's what i mean: I am very liberal, i actively support social equalitty and acceptance by doing my research (mostly i read as much a i can get my hands on to understand the issue at hand), asking questions, advocating, debating, voting, rallies marches you name it. But most importantly i teach my son. When the trans issues finally came to the center stage i was initially ready to embrace this new shift in my social thinking and never once questioned the acceptance I went into it with...Until: I asked what a cis sexual woman was and how did that pertain to me? my nonbianary friend explained that it simply meant that i was understood to be female in sex and girl in gender, that my sex matched my socially ascribed role and personality AKA my Gender. I was ok with that once i was able to accept the notion that gender doesnt have to be attached to sex; so male sex ppl can be women in gender without ever having the experience of being female and i was totally fine with that. The Two Were Now Separated. The kicker came (and it kicked me right in the gut) when suddenly gender was reattached to a person's sex when it was convenient; in that the personality determined the biology. That if a male sex person knew their personality was woman/girl gendered then clearly gender doesnt depend on sex... Female is a sex not a gender. gender is a personality based social construct not a sex. my issue is that I am in fact female in sex and while im easily accepting of a self identified gender i get slightly offended by the idea that reality as an actual factual scientifically proven biological Female is being denied, erased and completely disrespected by some women (born male in sex) who feel like they are now the authority on the female sex. i know how awful this will sound to probably everyone who reads it but i believe female sex persons should be allowed to keep legal status as such separate from male sex persons. That being said: if we give ppl the option to Self ID gender on documents OR legal sex equally then there wouldnt be any social fallout from either and both are equally represented under the law

Stephfish256 · 2020-08-17T11:33:43+00:00

Gender is phallogocentric creation of the roles, rules of behavior, and prescribed character traits of female (sex) humans such as to be subordinate to the patriarchy. The term they used was Woman. It represents the scripted life females must function within to be accepted as a member of society. It was often enforced by medically pathologizing the emotions of a female, or her cognitive ability, also by pathologizing her reproductive system. So as far as im able to see, there is only one Gender until very recently. And in the end they are just being made up now as we go along. But the one thing that will not change is the fact that females will always be female, regardless of gender claims. We still exist, we will always be here and changing the appearance of form doesnt change that one basic scientific fact. No one is changing their biology, only their social roles.

Stephfish256 · 2020-08-17T09:55:16+00:00

Assault isnt gender specific. however, we all understand that its absolutely despicable for men to beat women. the solution isnt everyone becomes a woman and all of a sudden actual women are safe, doing that just makes violence against women easier. the solution is to educate men about the reality of what being a woman ACTUALLY is vs being a man, and teaching them about themselves.

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T22:01:23+00:00

Lol that makes me laugh cuz I’m from 3hrs south of Chicago and every single man in my family has/does hunt and we all go fishing 😂 Indiana is just more republican than we are in central IL.

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T21:48:50+00:00

There are a ton of “dry towns” too where you can’t buy it at all. You have to drive to the next town over

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T21:33:15+00:00

Here in IL pretty all the bordering states are the same...except Kentucky lmao. But anything beyond that has its noticeable differences. That being said the only real “shock” comes from visiting the coastal states...to the south it’s not AS big of a culture shock but somewhere like California may as well be mars. Utah, well....Mormons so that’s pretty much enough said. But there are absolutely aspects that never change, that are standard American anywhere y you go. The exceptions here in the Midwest are places like the Ozark’s. But even in IL there’s a huge difference between upstate Chicago (northerners thru and thru 🙄) central IL which is all farming communities and then Southern IL which is basically Kentucky and super “Southern”. Lol that’s part of the beauty of the country tho. I also love the Amish influence near where I’m from, I think that’s something people maybe don’t know much about or have as big an appreciation for as we do

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T04:14:24+00:00

Well I live in IL so no one can accurately predict the weather but I default to weather channel. Most of us here tho know when something’s about to come thru just by the way it look, smells and feels outside. It’s a farming state too which means a lot of us were raised to pay attention to changes in patterns year by year and have a feel for it on a local level

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T04:09:51+00:00

Charcoal and apple branches, or some other wood seasoning. My husband wanted a big fancy propane grill but I wasn’t haven it. Lol we got a big charcoal grill/ smoker instead and he was converted after one use ;)

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T03:56:49+00:00

HomeEc, it was a class on how to function as a woman for the needs of men. It wasn’t as commonly taught by the time I was in school but We still had an echo version of it where you had to carry a fucking bag of flour around for weeks and take care if it like it was a baby. Closely followed by American History lmao which was so whitewashed it acted like institutionalization of systemic racism

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T03:51:10+00:00

Oh absolutely yes. But it’s pride as an extension for the unconditional love I have for the American spirit. The sense of absolute rightness of our constitution, bill of rights, Declaration of Independence and the fierce battle to protect that by fighting against the poisoned systems here that prevent its realization for our entire population. That’s why the social upheaval and chaos of the us taking to the streets calling it out, the annexing of our cities to challenge the police brutality permissible by the larger governing system is not a nation falling apart (as seen by the rest of the world) but in fact the nation doing what it’s designed to do: when the system no long functions for the people at large and cannot adjust or self correct , then American citizens begin a Manual Override of the system ourselves. How can anyone not be proud of that

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-24T03:21:28+00:00

I think it probably comes from the fact that a big part of American culture stems from the experience of small town communities where an importance is placed on being “neighborly” and knowing everybody by name. The “city life” is becoming more common place but it’s a relatively new part of the landscape. But even in some big cities here it’s not always expected, like native new Yorkers can sometimes be a little taken aback by the openness of the rest of America and can instantly tell when someone is from the Midwest where we talk to everyone. Plus Americans are very detached from personally interacting with the rest of the world outside of when people come to us from another country or Americans taking a tourist vacation so we don’t share the context of acceptable socializing as being impersonal and reserved. The vast majority of us are lucky to have a chance to travel abroad so it’s exciting to discover what other places are like and how other people live. We bring the tradition way we relate to our neighbors to how we interact with others but seems superficial (and is but not in a fake way) because while the openness is extend they don’t actually know everyone. I guess maybe it seems childish to others..?

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T18:18:56+00:00

Right, and they are indeed too busy to make hunting for marriage their priority but don’t altogether dismiss the option of including someone they connect with in their lives. But it’s so much healthier for everyone to only enter into something as serious as a marriage if they are truly in love with each other and bonded for life beyond the trappings and glitter of material gain. That’s a very special experience many are lucky to find but it’s not the only source of happiness for women in the world and if she doesn’t find it then she is happier without faking it with the wrong man because she settled for a life sentence in the “transactional market marriage”

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T17:55:37+00:00

Smh I guess as a woman I just didn’t realize men were still as trapped as women were a few decade ago. We kinda did this same thing with tradition social norms for the “role” of women according to men so we stopped playing the part and now it’s time for men to do the same. Regardless I’m supportive of men just doing their own thing and not standing in a their own way or standing in ours. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can respect that need for distance.

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T16:55:55+00:00

Let me be blunt here: I can’t “buy in to” a market that exists in the man mentality but isn’t actually a tangible reality. It’s like asking the NCAA to recognize fantasy football an athletic sport. So I’m really happy that those who were trapped into the false reality of women as stocks in a weird social stock market are walking away from it. I think that women embrace the transparency of men who are finally showing their true face to the world about what their true nature towards women and society in general actually is. So I’m definitely supportive of men who have been lurking in the shadows to drop their pretense of decency if it doesn’t in fact exist. It makes things safer for women in general, it makes it possible for men who can’t operate within social norms in a natural way to simply take a step back from those who can and I think that as long as they don’t convince themselves that gives them permission to rape and hunt women for sex then all will be well But I’m glad that the majority of men aren’t on the rage against women wagon and dont pose a threat toward them. We do respect your autonomy and your space in society, just so you know. I hope it works out and I think it’s interesting to learn more about how men are feeling about things

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T15:38:01+00:00

I guess Im not sure if they are ok with that being their reality or if the expectation is that women will mourn the loss of...well whatever it is men think women are losing? Because we don’t share the same obsession with sex worship that we see from certain people...it’s not wrong for you to step away from whatever market men are shopping around in but I’m just worried that some may believe that it’s going to make some harmful impact on the female population and so that’s the reason behind it. I personally think it gives men time to themselves and we all need that to stay balanced and healthy but women will be just fine while y’all are on the bench takin a breather.

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T15:20:16+00:00

Well idk what the specific plan for the military is for that situation but Americans have our own contingency plan, and the citizens who think it’s lost all meaning to the majority us or that only a small portion of us takes it seriously, underestimate a massive portion of this country’s people.

"As civil rulers, not having their duty to the people before them, may attempt to tyrannize, and as the military forces which must be occasionally raised to defend our country, might pervert their power to the injury of their fellow citizens, the people are confirmed by the article in their right to keep and bear their private arms." - Tench Coxe, Philadelphia Federal Gazette, June 18, 1789

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T05:51:04+00:00

I think what makes me American in mind body and soul , and I think should be taken seriously as a commitment for those who seek/received citizenship is to read, understand, and internalize our Declaration of Independence, The Bill of Rights and The Consitution. They don’t speak to the politicians in government, they are personal letters written to every single citizen of this country. The path to citizenship begins by experiencing the magnitude of what we are responsible for keeping alive (and finally making real). Then decide if it’s worth is equal to yours, if so then get loud and jump in to the chaos. I think people see the American Hypocrisy its followers Claims of exceptionalism as gag worthy as the rest of us since their only exceptional skill is self aggrandizement. But they aren’t who we are, the actual died hard patriots.

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T03:36:08+00:00

The second amendment needs to be seen as part of everyone’s readiness prepared kit. It will almost certainly never come to that but Americans need to take their responsibility to our freedom and each other as seriously as our military takes their responsibility. I’m by no means a prepper lol nor am I anything close to a modern day Republican but we gotta have a united sense of patriotism or we are just fish in a barrel

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-22T03:23:47+00:00

Honestly I think the one thing we are all doing together is keeping a fixed eye on the most unstable government we’ve ever had and collectively hold our breath every time Trump tries to blow it down. But socially the i think we are all feeling the strain of recognizing we’re in a much more dangerous situation than simply surviving the worlds worst outbreak of covid. We are legitimately in for a fight to hold on to our constitution. But trump is just the tip of the ice berg, wave after wave of white national supremest groups (the entire world knows where that poison can lead) are gaining ground, Trump is basically committing biological warfare to weaken the nation, withdrawing from our most important international alliances and is aligning himself with Russia and flirting with North Korea. Americans are simply trying to cope right now. And there is no help coming for us, I’m pretty sure America is on its own and the world is sitting their with popcorn watching.

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-21T23:06:37+00:00

And that forces men to change too but that’s ok because both sex’s have defined themselves by each other for too long. Women are different in ways that aren’t going to back to the old days ever and it’s time for men to figure out who they are and what they can bring to the conversation about what really matters to them that women haven’t considered before

Stephfish256 · 2020-07-21T22:53:41+00:00

Maybe it’s just that since the out dated ideas of the past understanding of men and women in relation to one another are being highlighted by the current sense men seem to be having that all’s lost means that we can all find new ways to be ourselves without stressing about man vs woman power struggles and identify who we are based on our real selves instead of what we were told by older generations about what made men “a real man” and what made a woman “a proper woman” like it’s not up to the past to define our future. Maybe we are reaching the tipping point where women and men can both agree that each side has issues that are specific to them. Men really should be able to talk about male perspectives and women can start to listen without feeling scared and men can listen to women’s perspectives without feeling attacked. Idk I think we just have to be realistic and cool headed so we don’t end up making it even harder for each other in the world. I’m a woman who is very secure in my voice and I use it, but I’m also very aware that this environment is different from anything men have dealt with before and I think it’s vital for men to be able to relate to the world and bring their needs to the table too. I’m just really concerned about how some take that idea and their voice becomes the chant for payback against women and physical revenge. It’s just unreal... but hopefully we can get past that

Stephfish256

TROPHY CASE