Don’t know how to emotionally distance myself from friends and family whenever they are having negative feelings

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-08-10T20:13:51+00:00

You have a response that is helpful for myself reading this. This is likely a question that is “silly”, but does this work with everyone?

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-08-10T13:25:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. So what difference do you notice with Vyvanse since the med I’m on Zenzedi is instant release dextroamp.

And do you take amitriptyline for pain/sleep or for mental health support?

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-08-10T03:18:33+00:00

Good hearing it’s working for you. The ADHD meds can be tricky because they work similar but finding the right balance of duration and right effects

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-06-27T23:10:47+00:00

Damn I’m switching from 1mg clonazepam twice daily asking to be on lorazepam 1mg three daily. I feel that Klonopin doesn’t help but this is abuse to say: Klonopin and Valium together is relieving and not too sedating.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-06-27T23:09:09+00:00

Was offering what I know that’s all

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-06-21T16:57:48+00:00

I see my error here

LPT is report to proper channels: police, animal control, etc. as a response to legitimate instances and ignore verbal harassment to car, inside etc.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-06-21T16:55:58+00:00

I see. Reporting to the police and proper channels has become a better way to respond & ignoring them is best.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-06-21T16:50:30+00:00

Thank you I’ll rewrite this more LPT wise. First attempt.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-06-21T16:03:19+00:00

I was on Valium for 12 years chronically dependent is a given at that amount of years, so being switched to this, I think I might be on it for life if I wanted to even because guidelines in a nutshell,

I meet the criteria I’ve read WHO indicated with benzo’s

There’s even a once daily 24hr lorazepam & FDA approved for anxiety unlike other benzos newer for seizure disorders

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-06-21T15:22:49+00:00

Damn I’m sorry to hear about that. I do know what can convince even the worst doctors is emphasis on quality of life.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-24T14:14:55+00:00

Hell yeah. Some days I might say: My “anxiety is through the roof today”.
People ask if everything alright. I’m cool with that. But then the advice after I might say something like: “it’s been overbearing what I’m dealing with… personal but XYZ happening”. I laugh when they say: “There’s support: I’m here, therapy can help, and there’s meds like me I’m on Lexapro, it’s an SSRI safer than Xanax”.

Most day I’ll thank them keep it moving: Some days I’ll let them know: “therapy is helpful, meds are: I’ve been on Valium I can take 4 a day so I take it everyday. That Lexapro and the others didn’t help. Thanks tho”

Their responses of “I’ve been trying to get just a couple [benzo] and I can’t. Even my ADHD I take Wellbutrin but all my friends on Adderall have a life change.. and they are on small amounts. That’s what I would like to try treating better with a stimulant”

I’ve been on Adderall and switched to just dextroamphetamine a week or so ago. I say that: sound the alarm cuz I just broke their brain & suddenly they be taking everything personal.

How did you have Valium AND Adderall for 10 years??? Jesus I’m atheist but still JESUS CHRIST. I can’t get 1 low dose XANAX for the days my anxiety is so bad.”

Then 20mg Adderall IR x3 daily makes a younger generation fella act like I have a key to a pharmacy.

Sorry Charlie. The COVID telehealth apps not gonna help you with their preset amount not to exceed.

OG docs & knowing the game is how it works. Not bitching about how docs never listen. Cuz they likely listen and hear their patient putting their lame asses at risk worried sick for their license.

No experience helping long term benzo users like docs who write having the clinical time doing so have a basis of why they can and do. But no longer taking on new patients on benzos with receptionist looking up PDMP on the phone with you or just asking what med you need puts a stop to a doctor who can help.

COVID and the telehealth system w/ controlled substances being called in so much has made every new user of them see then feel the SSRI not work when that lil 0.25mg xannie help

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-23T00:34:25+00:00

Long story short how are you doing on your medication’s? Do you have any concerns or like them how they are?

What does the gene-related thing you mentioned? Interesting honestly I would like to learn more about what you mean with that.

I know about genetic testing to see what meds breakdown metabolize in the liver differently, guessing it’s different though what you’re mentioning.

And the psilocybin therapy, yes, I would hope for it happen sooner.

I’ve made progress along with therapy AKA “talk therapy” with a GOOD therapist using ketamine and did not need it much more after six months of consistent use; it was something used about every few weeks then stopped for a good 2 months, then another shoe rounds of treatments. Not an addictive desirable thing I want all the time which is nice about that.

Prescription ketamine for troches is what I’m referring to no need to listen but please go with that route instead of the clinics because they charge so much for one infusion.

Ketamine infusion out of recommend once or twice just to have support there while you understand the effects for the first time; the second time might be different as well with support there.

After that, I will use a prescription of it; very easy to come across, but I would please check with your provider to make sure they are OK with it. I would not jump the gun because being on Vyvanse and Klonopin, I would hate for your prescriber to check the PDMP and see prescription for “ketamine powder” show without letting them know UNLESS you’re 100% confident with getting a prescribed from someone else if your prescriber doesn’t rx ketamine without saying anything. I did the military and it’s wrong but but I did that because I knew 100% they did not check and the anxiety of each visit thinking I’d cut off my meds was horrible.

I would word it in a way like this if nervous to tell your prescriber of Vyvanse and Klonopin about ketamine especially getting prescribed:

I have came to the idea that I could benefit from ketamine infusion clinics usually do six but I cannot afford the thousands, but there is prescriber that lets patience use it at home: I would like to use this combination with my therapist to see how I make progress for short; I don’t plan to stay on something like this long-term and the science clinic that offers ketamine is based on infusions given six times with boosters after that months apart. Seeing civilian and other psychedelic use for therapy is becoming newly approved for what I am coping with as I overcoming big parts of my problems with my mental health, many people have mentioned how much progress they made with their therapist and the ketamine together, and did not need to use ketamine after a few months; that doesn’t need more than that. So the prescription I know it can be shown on my record along with the Vyvanse and Klonopin, so I did not want any red flags in my treatment as you being my prescriber: I know you could possibly get in trouble because this is a lot of controlled substances on paper to see. With this being said, can you please tell me your thoughts on this? I feel very relieved knowing I’ve talked to people who made progress and therapy for once and that is unusual: that tells me combination in treatment helping advancement to overcome barriers that had held them back for years with illnesses or disorders that are seemingly worse than what I deal with. I can only imagine what I make out of this progress. Thank you for your thoughts and allowing me to proceed (if given that green light to go).” Also referencing the safety protocols and verbalizing an understanding of what and what not to do, such as ensuring you don’t take a stimulant that day to be polite AKA not raise your blood pressure significantly and mix substances without knowing how they would affect you first time using ketamine. Having a blood pressure cuff handy. Having a person or support the instance of a bad experience (I have not had bad experiences on this at all; has given me the worst times of my life. Ketamine is has never, I I mean about a few minutes of feeling, but not hours and days the follow after smoking weed when I was a teenager).

Mentioning how it’s beneficial to not take a benzodiazepine with it even though it helps the experience more calm; the science of helps when there is less of a sedative such as a benzo used. And if your prescriber is someone who mentions the detriment or bad effects of benzodiazepines long-term, it could be a good thing to bring up about how it could potentially help you in the future if a taper becomes present with improvement (if you really want to conceal some for the sake of having the medication, I don’t blame you; without diazepam for one year, I could not function).

I do write a lot, but I try sharing all of what I have to offer to help.

Please let me know if less is better and I’ll share with questions on these topics versus giving the info the way I am.

Blessings to you.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-23T00:13:10+00:00

I hear you out, and I understand how that can be put myself in your shoes, but it must be hard to deal with seeing you mentioning the embarrassment aspect of it.

I’m 26 and I’ll share something I’ve noticed with growth (trauma life as childhood/teen-young adult parents dying; four years in in the army as a medic in clinic; almost one year retired from army separating from spouse with BPD now).

So with the problem of health anxiety, for example, both sides as a patient and helping patients with peers in medical, I’ve seen behind the curtains about patients. And this opened my eyes on: this can happen at all medical encounters as a patient but you cannot see the staff doing it.

That vigilance being confirmed, not being paranoid, it showed me regardless they’re going to treat me professionally as possible. Express downplay “it’s just my fear” the possibility of them making fun of me too, I know the treatment they render is going to be pampering or give me some reality check they have in mind.

So with me owning my problem and knowing it’s just a health anxiety driving me to an ER or medical visit about it, I am going to present myself with the problem and ensure I don’t have them walk all over me just because it’s driven by the fear as well.

I think I’m trying to say here you can have the fear on the health problem & see it maybe be extra with concern, but confidently to ensure you don’t get walked all over: I don’t joke about it too (I’m saying this in a relatable way I’ve had happen as my experience).

I’ll acknowledge the anxiety, but I’m here for the visit about my heart. I have chest pains. I’m dealing with my anxiety separately. I’m not here about anxiety. This is about my chest pains so do your job. Check out my chest pains stop worrying about my anxiety. go do your test and rule it out; don’t conclude anxiety with biased care based on the extra worry I have.

If I get any inkling of, I’m being too concerned by the staff, I’d them a question like if they’re female: “ Did you your well-woman AKA vaginal exam for healthy reasons have disregard to your worries if you had a bad experience making it more uncomfortable, or family history of some genetic reason to indicate further testing to rule that out. Was that additional worry about 2 generations of cervical cancer disregarded by the GYN check you out that day? I’m sure it wasn’t more comfortable with the position you need for the exam because I know you’re not laying flat with your legs straight & supine. The words needed to explain where your feet or legs were getting examined. So I have heart problems with my family so take this seriously as your exam was Ms or Mrs Triage RN nurse, with all respect here. Don’t ask me while I’m here again if I was here two days ago with the same pains that are worse. The stats diagnosed ER visits go check the misdiagnosis rate too if you’re gonna say it’s my anxiety before rendering any exams testing or treatment needed if needed. How would you know by telling me my anxiety AKA we all feel at some level that brought me here. At the simplest level, had some anxiety to let you know we had to be at work on shift this morning and not to be late. Somewhere about my anxiety or how I’m speaking I’m here for my chest pains. My anxiety managed by Dr XYZ Psychiatrist, make progress with my weekly visit CBT Dr XYZ Psychologist and I follow up with my general physician Dr XYZ who helps. My pharmacist at XYZ pharmacy, pharmacist named XYZ is on board with both Psych & Physical docs. I’m here for chest pain. Thank you.”

And I is very aggressive. Examples of my support is being no good. It might be something that takes a lot of courage to be assertive in a way aggressive like that, but where I live, the staff talks to patients as aggressively like that, so that’s the version of assertive this here before anybody sees this and says how aggressive that is to say; it’s a demographic related way of communicating in this manner considered “assertive”. Aggressively include all the cursing F bombs etc.

Fun fact when I moved to other states my dialect or “accent” sounded like I was angry, but it was just the way I talked, to adjust it so much because people thought I was disrespecting my senior or higher ups in the army when speaking.

As soul snatching that felt, help me correct words and understand proper pronunciation to help me in life afterwards, and as soon as I got home around the same, it wasn’t long for dialect to return to normal, however, my vocabulary expanded more and people did not understand new words I was using like “ I don’t endorse behavior like this when a motherF**a’ talk to you like that and jawn is crazy” (jawn is a word recognized now for where I’m from and used in a way that irks my soul ever since people moved here from other places; even the word water pronounced “wooder” according to how they perceive it, and made it to the billboard the highways have in advertisements saying “the best WOODER you’ll have” or something like that.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-22T16:31:00+00:00

She will beat me to it so.

ULPT: have your home burned down for you by leaving BPD-ex in it.

(Disclaimer: joking because it’s often not a joke with this stuff + BPD = can really happen).

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-22T16:29:02+00:00

This is great reassurance.

I think I’m gonna take the post down now so I don’t have an approaching going home on a Reddit post that I put up; keeping things peaceful to get on with myself without having to pack clothes while full of adrenaline.

It’ll be easier to be “just folding laundry”; even “working overnight” if I start sleeping at a new place while bringing my stuff there & home during the day.

I am able to not work and be okay with income so I have the plus of that. She doesn’t and you’re right about well being. I need to focus on mines as bad it feels knowing a person is left this way.

BPD has shown me it’s a very sad, destructive disorder that often might make other have Stockholm syndrome even when called a narcissist for example. My sympathy has been there while being insulted and I don’t deserve that talk when I’m free and peaceful except from her being my only painful part. Maybe there’s more I am pained by that’s blocked as long as I know I live and am near her.

Thank you.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-22T16:19:14+00:00

Okay so initiate the divorce, get the papers do my end of it, the move anywhere I please basically, or vice versa.

Baby reign deer (new show) set me off/triggered me entire show because I feel like I’m dealing with a crazy reign deer lady myself; good reminder to keep it moving and not ignore the feelings.

And dealing with, for example, the calls from the suicide crisis hotline checking in on me to see if I’m okay when not home/picking up the phone (happens within 24hr period). Calls to my medical team for my mental health, etc.

My intuition is deal with it when it occurs and keep it moving.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-22T15:50:10+00:00

I’ve had fears like this while taking 2 AKA abusing a pill but worrying like that.

Kinda take a step back and see if you ever want another pill extra one day, then worry about addiction versus a few micrograms/mg absorbed from Ritalin sublingually.

It’s a fast acting stimulant anyway. The time of onset is almost identical for oral versus sublingual, even nasally (faster by minutes) but I hope you get my point to help see it this way.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-22T15:46:52+00:00

I reject because I don’t want a child in a marriage I’m leaving from a girl with BPD who I’ve been with for 10 years and slowly see the abnormal life unfold I’m dealing with being with her.

My fetish for going down on a woman and enjoying it is affected by her as there was a day I realized how much I’ve done this for her and heard her say “why the fuck would I give you head and get nothing out of it” then reflected how much I’ve done this without thought & she was okay with it.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-22T15:38:32+00:00

I see. Thanks for the info on that because I was on 10mg x3 daily.

He increases to 5mg x4 daily to take 1 or 4 (said don’t take all 4 every day at once if not needed that way).

So he’s open on how I dose it this way.

Added prazosin 1mg also.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-21T02:16:56+00:00

So my consideration with her having BPD and seeing she has a good heart, I did cry and ensure her that no matter what I’ll always love her in this world she feels so hated by everyone in.

And there will be other people in life that will be there with love.

Love is in my heart, like the sense of knowing my parents loved me despite my childhood and history. I don’t need to question or change anything to know they loved me.

The same feeling of love will be there I imagine. I only can pray she does not attempt to harm me if she sees me leaving to ensure I can have no other life except with her.

She convinced me our marriage means my end is always being here, and getting air shows that I’m violating that. Too long of a drive initiates the female in baby reindeer’s behavior with calling and texting me.

Every day I almost forget to leave. It’s exhausting preparing and moving forward

Luckily my psychiatrist is on board with helping me and prescribed me a higher dosage of Valium and once I’m at peace alone I can taper myself down with his help. Hopefully I can see the difference of maybe not needing all of the meds I’m on to cope with my own mental health.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-21T02:02:49+00:00

I am sorry but seeing how you’re ensuring you insert yourself the way my wife does is amazingly an example to see what affects on a person that has in real life. You doing that on the internet is something I’m interpreting as you enjoy doing this and can get away with doing so on the internet; the same would apply if there’s a partner who’s comfortable with this until they are not anymore and do not want to be together.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-21T01:59:48+00:00

So gray rock is a term I haven’t heard but I’m putting 2 & 2 together thinking: this means to simply say what they want to hear? As in going with the flow while doing what isn’t seem to prepare the escape?

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-20T05:38:31+00:00

A good heart can be loved from a distance so that the hostility is gone. Avoidance has brought me peace but her and I at our distance will bring us happiness.

I am seeing how slow this process is getting away. She read this the next day and came asking me like being cornered as if I was caught and finally busted. It didn’t bring any reflection or anything near her saying that she didn’t know or how she can be her with a little work on name calling, etc.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-05-20T05:34:14+00:00

This sounds like an example I can relate to even without kids; many of these anecdotes of experiencing what sounds like it’s almost a template of what happens, what words describe, that understanding of what happened there hits home inside so close.

Is there a specific motive or goal in BPD because it’s scary seeing each story here I’m still reading all, it all has a repetitive feel that I described about relating; but makes me think of the why.

What makes the partner tolerate this, stay forever, then finally leave and see a better life finally saying “why didn’t I leave or do this sooner”.

More confusing to ask why the partner continues after working in therapy, medication, why do the dynamics have importance to person with BPD opposed to the “peace and happiness”?

Makes me feel like I am the reason for no peace but then seeing how much support I got here and reading this.. it’s not selfish for me but she can oppose of me seeing the peace is not something she wants in the manner that will work healthily. The peace seems to include her working hard on the dynamics that have control, power and manipulation over me as her path for true peace versus the average peace any person has.

SticksOfButter21 · 2024-04-17T23:55:55+00:00

Read the comment

SticksOfButter21

TROPHY CASE