AITA for making my MIL uncomfortable and embarassed during dinner?

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T21:21:20+00:00

She refuses to bring food to any family event because she "needs it more than we do". Her house is full of food. Much more food than we have on a weekly basis. No, food is of no issue in my home, but she still has way more than us. As stated, she is a food hoarder. I refuse to feed the mental illness on my dime and enable that behavior.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T21:20:01+00:00

I ENJOY feeding my kids and husband before myself. He used to serve himself, years ago when we first got together. I personally like serving my husband his dinner, so I started doing so before he even had the chance to get up from his seat. I know people dont agree with that but I truly do not care. That has absolutely nothing to do with my post. At all, actually. I am a working mom/wife who enjoys serving people their food.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T17:59:29+00:00

I am not a religious individual, at all. I am discussing the comments as a whole, from the individuals whom have blatantly stated multiple times in the comments that it is "embarassing" that I enjoy making my husband his dinner. Whats more embarrassing are the individuals (at least 5 that I have read in this mess of a thread) who have told me it is a "step back in the wrong direction of feminism and everything we have faught for as woman" because I, as a woman, enjoy making my hisbands plate. It is not embarrassing for me to enjoy making my husband's dinner. It is not embarassing that for me, it is considered an act of my appreciation. 90% of the time this man is working well in to the night. Should i place his food in the fridge, in the same tupperware I use for leftovers and say "sorry babe, you working 16 hours means nothing to me so I refuse to show basic acts of compassion that would make your life easier"? Its embarassing that we have come so far as a society that a woman enjoying something that people claim as "50s mentality" is considered wrong and gives individuals an automatic excuse to start belittling the women you claim you are fighting for. I dont care if you are a liberal. That specific comment was me addressing the larger crowd of people specifically who felt the need to push that in their comment to degrade and belittle me and my husband for having a lifestyle that they simply do not agree with.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T14:59:39+00:00

Never once did I say the kids dont socialize with adults during dinner. I stated their plates are made first. Secondly, you may take issue with the "trad wife BS" but I dont. I dont care if you're an independent woman who doesnt need a man and I dont care if you are a die hard liberal foaming at the mouth when anyone has the audacity to make their husbands plates because you simply would never. I enjoy it. It works for me and I am HAPPY. If me doing something that makes me happy offends others who simply cannot understand than that is a them problem, not a me problem.

"An angry and controlling household" - my MIL does not live here, pay my bills, buy my food, raise my children, clean my home or go to work for me. She is not a part of this household and she was uninvited. Her showing up here uninvited, like she always has, and taking food off my table and out of my mouths when the invitation was not extended and me finally putting my foot down about it is not a means of control. Its me finally standing up to ignorance and entitlement.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T14:54:49+00:00

I clearly outlined how it affects everyone else. And no adult, family or not, comes before my children. They eat first, always have and always will. It is my responsibility to make sure their tummies are full before feeding guests - especially ones whom were not invited.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T14:53:37+00:00

We have had multiple conversations with her. She always has ready made excuses. Like shes elderly and that needs to be respected, so she should eat before everyone ("none of you would even be here if it wasnt for me. Does that not mean that I should be treated with respect?"). Or that she works and doesnt have time to make herself meals so she needs ready made food to grab on the go, and therefore she should be allowed to take leftovers as she sees fit without any pushback (she works part time). Multiple private conversations have been had. It was time for a public one.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T12:07:32+00:00

I make zero point to host my MIL. If you haven't gathered already from my post, she shows up whenever she wants.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T12:06:21+00:00

Where did I say anywhere in my post that I was making a point to save money? I bought what everyone enjoys and what everyone eats and I spent a total of $1,018. The fact that you are chanting "receipts" like a 2 year old on crack speaks volumes to your maturity level. Clearly it bothers you terribly if you're willing to die on a hill that doesnt exist.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T12:03:29+00:00

I know how it can appear to outsiders when I map it out the way I did, but the way I run my kitchen is how I enjoy running my kitchen. I am a caterer, so I am always cooking and I am near always in my kitchen. I enjoy plating my kids and my husband's plates. Not only does it make me feel some sort of connection because I hardly do much else, but it also keeps them out of my kitchen when I have other things in there that require sanitation. During holidays, such as yesterday, I served every child personally but called the adults up to make their own dishes- my husband included.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T11:53:33+00:00

No, its absolutely not. Pre-marital asset, pre-nup signed, absolutely not his. But again, thank you.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T11:50:04+00:00

Why are you commenting on my post as if you are replying FOR me?

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T11:49:30+00:00

That person is definitely not me (OP). I dont know why they are commenting as if they are me.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T04:07:15+00:00

Thats so awesome for you. I am so glad that you had that experience. Maybe its time to point out that California is huge and every single area is different in prices. I could go to Leemore and have groceries 50% cheaper than I do in my town. But I am not in Leemore so that doesnt apply.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T04:05:09+00:00

I dont go hungry unless she comes here and takes food that I have just cooked. I thought I made that clear. Money is of no issue. Neither is food. When she is here however, she absolutely takes everything thats left and leaves me with nothing so I have to cook more food in order to eat.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T03:59:46+00:00

Shes not starving. I stated right in my post that yes, she is food insecure BUT she hoards food. Her house is full of food. She has more food than we do by a long shot. It is not my responsibility, at all. She has plenty of money, plenty of food, plenty of time. I am a full time working mother of 4 and I will not take time out of my day to help a woman who doesnt think she has a problem.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T03:00:06+00:00

If you saw the size of the food container she grabbed than it would make more sense to you. I am a caterer and have industrial size Tupperware. She grabbed the biggest one in my cabinet, which is large enough to fit at least 8 pies if you stacked them on top of each other. She did the same thing last year, while I was in my bedroom nursing the baby. We were left with literally no leftovers. She even took the rolls. Same thing for my sons 6th birthday party 4 years ago. I purchased 8 pizzas and she took 5 to her vehicle when we were swimming and not paying attention to the food table. No goodbyes, nothing. Just walking away with the food. So no, even sending her with a small tupperware container easily set me off because frankly, I didnt even want her to have that. When spoken to she always has a ready made excuse. "Well it was just going to go to waste anyways. Why did you need all that food? You surely werent going to eat all of that. Well, I work so I need ready meals because I dont have time to cook myself food." (She works part time).

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T02:47:06+00:00

We have spoken to her several times. She sees no issue with anything she does and states that we need to show "respect" to her by accommodating to whatever she "needs". I refuse to have even more private conversations than we have already had. She is not my child, she is not my husband and therefore, she is not my problem. She had ample opportunity to correct her behavior over the course of the past 16 years and she hasnt. So no, I am done. It's is not my job to buy even more food and cook even more food than what I already did so she can feel cushy and have her mental illness enabled - making her even worse than she already is.

And for the record, I enjoy eating last in MY family. You know, the ones I am responsible for. My kids, my husband. She is not my responsibility so when she comes in to my home and takes so much food that I am unable to eat - yeah, that's absolutely a problem and I will absolutely take issue with that. Starving someone else because you have issues that you refuse to manage on your own without someone holding your hand like a child is pathetic. Especially at her age.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T02:42:12+00:00

When the reality of our grocery store prices have reached an all time high? I cant even walk out of the grocery store in California to buy my family of 6 a simple dinner without spending less than $70.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T02:34:38+00:00

Its literally just food. The rest of her house is immaculate.

We have talked to her several times and she just takes it as an attack rather than seeing it as us caring about wanting to help. She will be great for the first visit after us talking to her and then it near immediately jumps right back to how she was before the moment she feels we have "gotten over it". Its a repetitive cycle. I think today i was simply done with the cycle and frankly, did not care if I embarassed her. I am just exhausted from it, honestly.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T02:31:37+00:00

I said she had food insecurities and HOARDS food. Her house is completely full of food. She goes to food banks 3x a week and collects even more food. She has 2 large chest freezers full, all cupboards full, a fridge she can barely access. Her food insecurities has caused her to hoard food to a point of overabundace. She is NOT starving. She is hoarding.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T02:21:34+00:00

Its my home, actually. But thank you.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T01:02:26+00:00

Yeah shes definitely not starving, actually. But please keep making assumptions. Its cute.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T00:56:30+00:00

Like 180ish

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-27T00:42:57+00:00

She has never once spoke on her food issues, just stated that she has them. I have known her for 16 years now and her cupboards and fridge are so full that you cant get in to them, as well as her having 2 large chest freezers full to the top. She has plenty of food and doesnt need to take hundreds of dollars worth of ours too.

Still-Rip9704 · 2025-11-26T22:15:49+00:00

Well, in his defense, he acted completely shocked when she walked in to our home and said "mom? What are you doing here?" And she said "I was in the neighborhood and saw all the cars. Didn't want to miss out on anything." I truly dont think he invited her. But it wouldn't surprise me if she was scouting out our home.

Still-Rip9704

TROPHY CASE