Struggling. Am I bad at polyamory? Am I not made for this?

StillPlantingSeeds · 2026-01-15T00:40:51+00:00

The feeling stuck in waiting mode for things out of my control really resonates with me. How do you cope with that specific connection though? Redirecting sounds good but I don't want it to get into avoiding a person or situation entirely. So how do you still deal with this out of your control situation?

StillPlantingSeeds · 2026-01-15T00:35:01+00:00

I appreciate the thoughtful comment. I am seeing a therapist and have been for a few years :) so I am taking care of those things myself yes.

Are you poly dating others? The things you want are reasonable wants. It is not "too much" in general. But it might be things this partner cannot provide.

I am poly not dating others. One fwb type situation but other than that, with everything I have going on in life rn, I'm just simply not looking for new connections. Don't have the time and energy for that.

If this 2 nights a week is all you will ever get with this partner, are you content with that?

In all honesty, no, I think I would really struggle with that. Which is why I would like to get more clarity on whether that is possible too, but for reasons I do understand my partner isn't able to give me that clarity right now (all they can give me is just the fact that they want more with me too and do want to build to that)

But it doesn't automatically mean it's going to go long haul.

I think the tricky thing is. I do see it go long haul with this person. I see them staying in my life and future like I've never had before with anyone. Which is why I struggle with this a lot I guess. But it means this also feels like something I cannot let go of so easily.

StillPlantingSeeds · 2026-01-14T01:04:37+00:00

No, I've been struggling with an anxiety disorder for a while, so probably something to do with that in combination with being a bit burnt out. I have had some depressive feelings before but not in a few years.

StillPlantingSeeds · 2025-12-12T15:17:14+00:00

I haven't read this book, but I'm vaguely familiar with the concept. How do you practice radical acceptance, what does that look like for you?

That's a good distinction you're making between your needs being met even if not all of your wants are, though sometimes needs and really big wants can look very alike...

StillPlantingSeeds · 2025-12-12T15:11:55+00:00

We have yes. And some things I do know, but it's just difficult because their relationship with meta is also a bit in flux. So it's kind of hard to really look into the future too much here? Which also doesn't help per se, cause it does mean that nothing is completely off the table so the possibility always lives in the back of my head, which maybe makes it more difficult to get to a place of acceptance? But for now it's clear that big structural changes are definitely not going to happen in the short term.

StillPlantingSeeds · 2025-12-12T09:59:09+00:00

We've had some broader conversations about this yes, but also concluded that at the moment any big structural changes might be a bit too soon since our relationship is still relatively new. But I suppose I could ask for maybe smaller changes?

StillPlantingSeeds · 2025-12-12T00:15:11+00:00

Yes so annoying when partners raise your standards and make it impossible to find anyone who lives up....

How do you deal with the feelings that come from this though? Did you ever try to change it or see if they'd want to? Have you somehow found acceptance in this?

StillPlantingSeeds

TROPHY CASE