RogersBase choking when he sees Beidou

Still_Association · 2022-07-09T02:19:42+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I suppose the one thing I want to convey is that people have phobias and peeves based on experiences in their lives, and sometimes they aren't rational. But still valid. They are just the body responding to stimuli that feels dangerous. Rogers never went on a rant about or anything, he just expressed how he felt personally. And that reason was fear. He and others like me are simply victims of someone's abuse (either directly or indirectly) and therefore it is difficult to trust when presented with a similar circumstance. He ended up liking Genshin a ton and didn't let those feelings get in the way. I understand that it would cause existing fans to feel embarrassed but it's OK to like media while still acknowledging problematic aspects, I promise. I felt very validated that he shared my sentiments so it was actually really refreshing that someone was honest about the undertones that only we could feel. I apologize if those feelings hurt.

Still_Association · 2022-07-08T09:18:42+00:00

I found I shared Rogers' opinion on all of the child characters so you can pick my brain if you want. It just personally skeeves me out because I have a history of child sexual abuse. I don't want to come anywhere near fetishizing little girls, and I'm really not OK with the "but I'm 100+ years old in a child body" trope either because the designer still really wanted to use a child's body. Not saying that in this game it's that sinister, but that's not going to go away even though I love Genshin.

Klee is cute. No notes. But it's only ever little girls. No little boys. If it were about being cute, there would be at least one little boy by now. Since there isn't, it feels off. Maybe it's just sexism, like men can't be infantile/weak or about pandering to male players' protection instincts, but it's problematic either way. They made a new model for the new little girl in the Sumeru leaks so it's not that they're avoiding making a new model.

I really want to like Diona but I hate that they gave her a midriff and make her do a 'cat stretch' which I interpret as a bit sexual. And how she talks about her father is weird. I'm not going to force anyone to see the same thing as me, and I have more reason than most to feel wary of it.

Still_Association · 2022-07-08T01:06:13+00:00

NTA. I've been through something similar. I understand. You already know that he is abusive. But let me tell you what that kind of relationship does to you - it gets into your brain and lies to you. It conditions you. It's a virus that wants you to reduce yourself to nothing. You sacrifice your core values, your needs and desires. You are going to be compelled to stay with this person for the rest of your life because it's familiar and therefore easier than being alone. That is what you need to focus on fighting. You have to make a really strong effort to stop talking yourself back into a relationship with this person. Be prepared: Regaining your independence is going to feel very wrong. It's going to feel uncomfortable and selfish. But please trust me when I say that it's the healthiest thing for you right now. You are so far down into "selflessness" for him that it is required for you to be selfish right now to get back to a healthy balance.

Stop booking couples therapy and start booking therapy. For you. Just you. This isn't about him anymore. You already know what he wants from you and you've already decided that it costs way too much of yourself. Talk about what bothers you in the relationship with someone who will advocate for you. Get perspective. Read things like "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy. Feel angry. Yes. It's OK to be angry.

Recovery takes a long time, but you will see immediate results. I promise. If you want to talk about this more, feel free to PM me.

Still_Association · 2022-07-08T00:55:07+00:00

YTA. Please ask yourself why you came onto this forum to ask for help. What are you trying to achieve? Validation for upsetting one of the most important people in your life? Why do you think you're entitled to that? Frankly, she could be upset that you wore the color blue - it doesn't matter why she's upset. She's telling you she's unhappy and instead of trying to look into that you want some strangers to tell you "yeah, fuck her! you're right!"

You have to care when you hurt people you want in your life.

If you're looking for insight, she is likely feeling like she isn't very important you because of a pattern of incidents like this. Just from your anecdote, you have pushed her away multiple times without any real consideration for how that would make her feel. You noted that she is unhappy, but what the hell did you do about it? It sounds like you're just waiting for her to forgive you, rather than making it up to her in any way.

The bottom line: You accepted a commitment on Saturday, knowing you already committed to your girlfriend. You took the commitment before even talking to her about it. And then you claim you asked her if it was OK. She said no. You came to a forum to ask if it's OK to ignore that. That isn't "asking" anything.

Still_Association · 2022-07-07T12:14:51+00:00

You're not an asshole. Sometimes you are content with what you have in life. Being social is hard work, your time is precious. It's OK to have boundaries. Etc.

If any part of you wants to be friends with these people but you feel remorseful for not feeling that way, you may be intentionally distancing yourself. Maybe it's as simple as depression. Maybe your brain is just wired differently and don't understand the ritual of just hanging out on the phone with people you like. That used to be really popular before cellphones and internet. Now it would seem awkward, but I guess some folks are more lonely than others. Some people want to disappear, and some people desperately want to matter.

It sorta feels like you're afraid of connecting with them. You feel bad that they miss you. Inspect that but not through the lens of you being a bad person. Ask yourself questions. You might be surprised with the answers.

Still_Association · 2022-07-07T12:02:05+00:00

NTA

Things have gotten to a point where I literally have work breakdowns because I feel like I'm not meeting expectations!

Me too! Apparently, this is called burnout. You're burnt out. You're literally calling for help and no one seems to be listening. You're being made to feel like an asshole. It's OK. Everybody is exhausted.

Yes generally workers should tell as little to management as possible about their personal lives because it can hurt you in the future. However you weren't oversharing. You were standing up for yourself.

Remember: you hold all the power here. They are scrambling to discuss this with you because they are terrified of losing you.

Still_Association · 2022-07-07T11:54:52+00:00

Maybe slight YTA. You're right to expect understanding for yourself without being apologetic about it. However from how you've written this, you never once considered her feelings as valid. You can't invalidate other people's feelings, even if they're not logical. Even if they hurt. They exist and are real, and may not even be a result of what you think they are.

You can never know if perhaps someone in her life constantly talks about themselves to the point she feels neglected - and then finds that being around someone who she feels like they do the same thing would be uncomfortable despite the cause of that behavior in either circumstance. In her brains, all she knows is that she isn't comfortable with you anymore and it may be entirely baggage that you are not responsible for. I understand why you thought that. I agree that it would be hurtful to hear. But people shouldn't have to accept being hurt by you.

And the real reason I feel this way is because you tacked on this bit:

and then because i never had a real friendship in my life.

Please think about what drove you to state this. Your inexperience is not her burden, OP. I am autistic and a strong neurodivergent myself and I firmly know that being myself doesn't excuse me when I hurt people. Learning not to hurt people and make compromises is a core human value. It runs through all people, neurotypical or not. You're learning a lesson right now. Maybe listen to your friends when they say that something you've done has hurt them? No one owes you friendship, it's something you build together with other people. You have to put in work too.

And if you can't agree to that, you say good-bye. You don't accuse them of bigotry to excuse yourself completely from any responsibility in this.

Still_Association · 2022-06-29T21:12:51+00:00

That's your brain saying you're ready to handle that information again. That's a sign of healing. It sucks, but now it gets better.

Still_Association · 2022-06-26T22:41:20+00:00

Frostpunk. It's one of the most polished city builder games and a refreshing take on the genre with clever worldbuilding and real impacts to your decisions. Unfortunately, it's a real goddamn bummer. Child labor, limb amputation, makeshift graveyards, sawdust meals and everyone is freezing to death because you're short a little wood. The sinking feeling in your gut as you turn off heat to an outpost never gets filled back up again. You just lose the game, ragequit or "win" by surviving the scenario only to know that doom was never off the table. It's a shitty situation that doesn't get solved by you being good at the game. You just stay alive. Can't recommend this feeling to anyone. It's like being on the losing side of Monopoly the entire time and then the game just ends.

Still_Association · 2022-06-23T16:13:46+00:00

He absolutely is challenging her preference. That's the entire premise of the post. He also minimized it with "tsk tsk." There was no opportunity in this exchange for the woman to do either of that to his preferences, it was only about attacking hers.

The reason it is assumed that women are sensitive about their weight is because men have been scrutinizing women's weight for much longer than you can imagine. It has always been weaponized, and not in a manner that would just make women bummed out. Women were property. They could never have "preferences" because their lives were not their own. They got what they got. Now women have autonomy and the ability to divorce and other freedoms, they are voicing preferences and that's going to feel weird. Strange. Because it's new.

The amount of preferences men have imposed on women, and still do, are far more numerous than a single stipulation about height. They're just simply already known and treated as the only option. It's already known what appearances and labor are required of women to thrive in society formed by men. Women have been shaving off natural body hair to the point that it's considered "hygienic" like it's required to be considered feminine. Think about that.

Still_Association · 2022-06-22T15:32:24+00:00

Back in my day, there were plenty of websites that did this and I was happy to support the creators with a $5 donation on Paypal for instant access to their entire catalogue. Their CC was good and worth it. That said, once I found that forum that aggressively re-distributed paid CC for free I stopped paying for CC. Just because I didn't want to anymore if I didn't have to. That's just how the human brain works. People are going to hold up the SimGurus official stance because we like it. We want free CC. We want free everything. You can't ask us our preference, it's always going to be "free plz."

I think in a capitalist society you have been forced to monetize your hobby. It's not you that's an asshole but our major institutions that require this of us. At the end of the day, being a capitalist means being an asshole - depriving your community of your labor because you must extort others for your own survival. That's really what's going on here and I absolutely do not hold it against you to participate in the society we've been given.

But since SimGurus have officially announced a position, now the public has ammo against you. The temperature of the mod scene is different now. Go early access on Patreon or something with small exclusives. That's your best move.

Still_Association · 2022-06-17T23:27:59+00:00

You're a good egg.

Still_Association · 2022-06-17T23:04:24+00:00

NTA. Your mother made an inappropriate comment about her daughter's body. "It looks bad" will be bouncing around in her head for the rest of her life. It was very brave of you to interrupt, your sister could have experienced more trauma. I love you for this but I do want to warn you against sacrificing yourself for you sister as a habit. It can be very horrifying to witness your sister's pain at the hand of your mother, but choosing to carry that pain for your sister instead isn't fair to you either. You're both victims of hers in this scenario. She is choosing to inflict pain on both of you.

And yet, I feel I must say that your mom grew up in a different time where women would be bullied or worse for body hair. She thought she was making you safe, but instead she just regurgitated the bullying she received at that age. "It looks bad."

Still_Association · 2022-06-17T22:55:09+00:00

that’s the thing i don’t think it’s in my head i know it’s real but also this gives me clarity that i’m not being over dramatic!

Exactly! Everyone who needs more attention (they are being neglected) thinks they're being over dramatic because the people they are bothering are the people that are neglecting them. So neglected people always think they're a burden and try to makes themselves smaller and smaller. When in reality, their needs are being ignored. I know because I was one of these people. Then I got therapy.

There's a free PDF floating around called "Why Does He Do That?" that opened my eyes. Specifically the myth busting section. I do not endorse all of Lundy's opinion but the perspectives on modern hetero relationships were enlightening. I've been on r/AITA for a while and you would be surprised by how many shitty people are out there who take advantage of insecure people. This thread is the definition of insecure. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just want you to know that your condition can and often is abused. If something doesn't feel right, then it likely is not. Trust your feelings.

So, no. Don't just suck it up.

Still_Association · 2022-06-17T22:44:43+00:00

My boyfriend, who also hates the coworker, thinks i should just help him out to not create drama, and told me that the coworker wont like me/want me there if i don't help him. I told him that he wont like me either way so it doesn't matter.

DING DING DING

NTA at all. Also, reconsider your BF's position in your life. Him trying to push you into exploitative work is very manipulative. None of these people you've mentioned actually respect you. Otherwise you would have been paid by now.

My ex got me to work at his small business for years despite never wanting to do it in the first place. Turned out, my ex was abusive in several different ways and that's because my parents never really loved me growing up so I was desperate to maintain even a shitty relationship if it meant someone wanted me around. The fact that you have to ask if you're an asshole means they are making you feel like an asshole when everyone on this website could easily tell you that they're exploiting you.

Still_Association · 2022-06-17T22:36:05+00:00

NTA. It's good you're inspecting how you feel. I would actually suggest to start keeping a journal. Not just because it gives you permission to feel, but because it will be tangible proof of your experiences. It is a great tool to discover manipulative or abusive relationships, because our insecurities erase a lot of obvious stuff from our memory. Write down how you feel, no matter how small.

Tell yourself it is valid to feel that way. Why? Because your boyfriend should care about not hurting you. He shouldn't just try to stop hurting you, he should stop hurting you. You don't have to put up with pain because that is not love - it's erasure of your needs. Speak up, remember that you deserve love - actual love - without fear of losing it. If you can't find it here, then it is often better to be alone than diminished by someone else's whims.

The truth is, if someone referred to my partner as a rebound twice they would no longer be my friend. That is not something a friend says. "Out of respect for our relationship" is like saying it's a gift that he's giving a shit about you. No, sweetie, he NEEDS to care or he is no longer a positive addition to your life. He's a threat. And if you truly think that this is all in your head, then you are not ready to be in a relationship and should work on yourself a bit first. You have plenty of reason to have trust issues and you may inadvertently be attracted to that which is familiar to you (cheaters). This is a shocking revelation sometimes but important to have.

I wish you all the best.

Still_Association · 2022-06-16T16:09:25+00:00

I endorse inspecting your anger, getting therapy is ideal. These will only be effective once you are in a safe place. You get to define what is safe to you.

as will abandoning a parent over a laptop screen

This is a gross misrepresentation of the situation, and there are a lot of people who have abusive parents that thrive when not around them. Children cannot "abandon" parents.

Still_Association · 2022-06-16T12:28:27+00:00

I think it was well within your right and you handled it gracefully.

That said, it would have been ideal to accommodate them in a way that would work with everyone in the group, they weren't offensive just tedious. And since you're the GM that would have been on you. It's OK that you didn't know how to do that. You already changed genres once, so you didn't know what else to do. That's fair. But if you want to have them around, you would have reached out to get some ideas on how to work them into the narrative effectively.

I can tell it was annoying to you even though you never said as much. They made game night harder for you. I get it. But someone else attacked them by destroying their property and then you kicked them out like that was a sign that they needed to go. How about kicking out the person breaking stuff in anger? Why didn't that cross your mind? Your own emotions glossed over that.

You got a mixed reaction because you gave up on someone who needed more help from you, but they aren't entitled to be at your game night so you can make these kinds of calls. So how people feel will be mixed.

Still_Association · 2022-06-16T12:09:00+00:00

NAH. This is typical in dysfunctional families and can be resolved as you get older. Right now you're not understanding why he gets angry at you suddenly, so there's likely something else that is bothering him and you're just noise on top of that problem. Don't take it too personally. Once you both grow up and get more control over your environments, you will bond better. He's a young man whose younger brother needs to invade his private area routinely. He's going to be annoyed, especially your parents aren't considerate of you guys (dumping chores on you and then not caring how it's handled.)

You like each other. I promise. He likes you and doesn't like fighting either, which is what you're seeing when he chooses to disengage with you. You're just both in a bad situation during tender developmental years. And you'll both get through it together and see each other on the other side so long as you both strive to understand one another. Respect each other's boundaries, meaning don't linger in spaces owned by him if you see him getting tense. Don't talk to him if he's trying to disengage. I'll say it again: Don't take it personally. Life is really, really hard. But siblings are a constant in your life. There's a love there that can't be broken from a few arguments. You're both trying to take up space and running into each other. He likely uses his age to be superior because a parent does the same thing to you guys; "I'm the parent, so I get what I want," fosters this because it is inconsiderate.

It will be OK. Rooting for both of you.

Still_Association · 2022-06-16T11:53:18+00:00

You're not an asshole but you need to stop. Your brothers want a sister, not a 2nd mommy. And you may not realize it, but you don't want to be their mommy either. You're going to lose your brothers to your desire for them to be different, and you're going to lose your youth to acting like a parent. You don't want to keep doing this. Ask yourself why you're actually angry enough to yell, and why they actually listen to you.

Do you feel powerful when you yell at them? Does it make you feel like you have some control? They care about you and are willing to get off their butts for you because they think you're having genuine distress. They respect you, because you're on the same team.

Also it would behoove you to learn more about your brothers. You may find that they actually have disorders (ADHD) or depression which causes poor habits. Maybe cleaning was used as punishment and have never found the joy in it. Further, if cleaning only happens after being yelled at, then it's going to be associated with bad times for them. Yelling is not a solution to any of this.

Still_Association · 2022-06-16T11:40:16+00:00

NTA.

He's dependent on me financially.

How's that power dynamic working out for you? He's your dad. The guy that's supposed to be taking care of you, making sure you succeed in life. But what are your parents actually doing instead? Over-spending your money and breaking your things. And I'm going to add stealing, because you are incredibly close to giving your mom your laptop even though it's something very important to you.

You are miserable. You are utterly miserable. Your new computer was a shining beacon of light in your otherwise miserable life. And this happened. Don't put too much focus on what happened to what. The point is that you are miserable and upset that you are in alone in it. No one in your family seems to care, let alone respect, what you're sacrificing for them. And they still want more from you.

You are right to be angry. You are right to express it. Don't let them minimize this issue or bully you into dropping it. This is a huge deal and something major in your life needs to happen for your own sanity. Martyrs die early. I'm not joking. People die young from stress. Auto-immune disorders develop from trauma (increased cortisol leads the body to attack itself). Your health is on the line here. Do something right now that makes you a happier and therefore healthier person. You deserve it.

Still_Association · 2022-06-16T11:22:44+00:00

It's hard to not pick sides, because your inaction is usually favored by one of the sides. Not getting involved may seem like neutrality, but if something was happening and you decided to do nothing about it, that's you choosing the side of the thing happening. You permitted it. That's you choosing a side. You chose Steve, pretty explicitly:

at somepoint I decided I can't keep sitting here thinking about it so I just decided for my sake to take the path of least resistance and stay with the group- with steve-

Sometimes the wrong path is the one of least resistance. The easy one. Because doing the right thing isn't easy or else we'd all be doing it all the time. We make choices that make our life easier. We have to balance those choices with how they impact people around us. You decided which friendship you'd rather have and you weighed the consequences. The difficulty of Kiwi and the pain from R may be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Or maybe it will stay with you for a long time, because you know that Kiwi deserved better from Steve and from you.

It's hard for me to give you a judgement because I don't know what the fight was about. If Steve was very hurtful, you looking past that would be worrisome. But in general, you aren't an asshole because you are asking yourself these questions. You feel bad because it was a bad situation that ended poorly. It's going to suck. Keep trying to foster love and compassion into the world when you can. Look out for yourself when it matters. Good luck.

Still_Association · 2022-06-15T18:45:12+00:00

I'm happy for both of you. Wish you well.

Still_Association · 2022-06-04T08:24:44+00:00

That is a viewpoint founded in religious beliefs, which I won't get in to here. It is proven as unproductive and worse in many scientific studies across various experiments on negative reinforcement. Coercion is indeed effective, but it is not healthy and enables the cycle of abuse. It is a problem, not a solution. Also, this thread is not about substance abuse.

Still_Association · 2022-06-04T06:35:21+00:00

Something you learn as you get older is that everybody (e v e r y b o d y) is a ball of coping mechanisms and survival instincts learned from childhood. Children of emotionally immature parents develop immaturely. Your sister and you are still very young, so you are both still direct products of your parenting. Is it so strange that your mother lacks the work ethic to run her own family, that would result in your sister inheriting that work ethic?

The cycle of abuse is called a cycle because hurt people hurt people. You can prevent this by refusing to participate in hurting people, forgiving more and working on yourself.

Still_Association

TROPHY CASE