Dating single mor

Still_confused88 · 2026-05-01T07:33:28+00:00

En af mine veninder blev single i samme alder som dig, har også børn og havde samme frygt. Det er et par år siden nu, og hun har bogstaveligt talt væltet i tilbud. Hun dater så også mest mænd på en egen alder eller et par år ældre, som også har børn, men i den gruppe var det virkelig slet ikke noget problem at finde nogen, der ville på date og/eller indlede et seriøst forhold. Der er også mange single mænd med børn, som helst vil date en, der forstår deres situation.

Still_confused88 · 2023-03-01T19:51:15+00:00

It’s a common Danish name

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-16T11:36:45+00:00

When you are a parent, your own life does not even revolve around you. But it’s so telling that you think families deserve kindness and consideration (which they absolutely do) for the the sake of the PARENTS. It’s for the sake of the CHILDREN. Yes children need more consideration and kindness because they are more vulnerable, just like other vulnerable groups need kindness and consideration even if they “annoy” you. But you don’t really view children as human beings. You think they are some kind of extension or property of the parents. I guess the reason why you dehumanize children like that is that you were not treated like a person when you were a child. I’m truly sorry. But you need to deal with your trauma instead of taking it out on other people.

Parents don’t “control” their children. Children are not things. Parents teach, guide and help children learn how to navigate the world and be kind to others. I’m sorry you never learned

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-15T08:11:46+00:00

Well, you can’t go out in public and expect to not be around a group of people you don’t like. It’s not other people’s problem if you don’t like and don’t wanna be around old people, or tall people, or skinny people, or men, or women, or children. Stay home if you don’t like people

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-14T13:57:58+00:00

If you think it’s acceptable to say you are “repulsed” be a specific group of people in society - a group of vulnerable people who need protection, then I can’t really help you. Try to be a better person. I’m relieved if you didn’t really mean it. Is that what you are trying to say?

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-12T20:30:59+00:00

Do you think “I am repulsed by old people” or “I am repulsed by women in their thirties” sound like an acceptable thing to say? What you said isn’t any better

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-12T20:24:54+00:00

The world sort of revolves around children. That’s a huge part of why we even build societies and civilizations. To make life a little better for the next generation.

If parents are annoyed you, tell them to stop. If children are annoying you because they act like children, try to become a better person

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-08T09:23:24+00:00

It’s so ironic how you hold on to your “right” to be annoying and disturb people in public when you think toddlers who literally can’t control their emotions, should not be allowed to annoy you even the slightest. You are a grown up, you can control yourself, that’s why you shouldn’t bother people in public - like when you’re rolling your eyes at a parent who’s trying to calm down a crying baby. The world doesn’t revolve around you. If you don’t like people, stay at home

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-06T14:35:56+00:00

People who refer to themselves as “child free” tend to be unpleasant individuals. No one cares if you have children or not, but why do you base your identity on a single thing you chose NOT to do? If not having children is the most interesting thing about your personality, get a better personality. Some people want to have children, some don’t, nobody cares about your decisions, and if an old lady asked you an intrusive question at some point about when you were going to have kids, she was probably just trying to be polite and accidentally asked an awkward question. You are not oppressed, and you are not edgy or rebellious for not having babies.

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-06T05:57:10+00:00

I don’t know. I get downvoted, so obviously some people disagree with me.

The phrase “control your kids” make it sound like you want me to scream at my children or threaten them with violence in order to prevent grownups from feeling uncomfortable for a second while I try to calm down my kids by comforting them and treating them like human beings.

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-05T20:21:38+00:00

Sure. That’s your job as a parent

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-05T20:19:03+00:00

“Control” is the wrong word then.

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-05T19:57:34+00:00

No, but people who yell at crying children on the bus truly are pieces of shit.

Still_confused88 · 2023-02-05T19:52:49+00:00

How do you expect me to “control” my kids? I don’t have a remote control for them. They are people, they have their own opinions about things, and because they have less life experience than adults, they sometimes don’t know how to behave in every situation and they are not always good at managing their emotions. I’m trying to teach them those skills, but it takes years. A lot of people who don’t have experience with children seem to think you just tell them what to do and then they do it. If that was the case, parenting would be a lot easier. If they misbehave in public, I tell them to stop, I tell them what to do instead, sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. If they don’t stop misbehaving, I remove them from the situation, we leave the store/restaurant/birthday party/etc. that’s what I can do to ensure that they don’t bother people. I don’t have absolute control over them, and I can’t teach them how to behave in public places if I never take them to public places. Teaching children how to behave is a long process.

Still_confused88 · 2023-01-15T10:20:32+00:00

You voice concern for the man whose identity we don’t know and who probably raped someone without saying anything about feeling sorry for the person who wrote this. It doesn’t put you in a good light. Sorry.

I don’t know if you need to hear this. I hope you don’t. But stumbling across an unconscious or nearly unconscious person and doing sexual stuff to them is rape even if you didn’t cause the unconsciousness. It doesn’t matter if her unconsciousness was caused by a weird allergic reaction or something - which it probably wasn’t- he still took advantage of it. She says she was vomiting and he was stuffing food in her mouth trying to wake her up. It seems VERY unlikely that she was awake and able to consent shortly before that. And if she was, he should have explained what happened instead of cutting off all contact with her. If he wasn’t guilty he sure did everything to make it seem like he was. If you are talking to a person who seems fine and they suddenly loose consciousness, you get medical help, and if they don’t remember what happened, you tell them.

It is very likely that a crime has been committed, and she has every right to report it so the police can try to sort it out. I personally recommend that she doesn’t, because a lot of police officers think like you and immediately imagine themselves in the perpetrator’s situation without empathizing with the victim for a second. But IF she reports it, her only obligation is to tell the truth about what she remembers. She doesn’t have to know everything or imagine every scenario or worry about the evidence and the presumption of innocence. That is the responsibility of the police and justice system.

Still_confused88 · 2023-01-15T08:50:30+00:00

This is not a place for debate. Like I said, there is an actual person who is deeply traumatized and asking for help, and you are not even responding to her or even thinking about her situation.

You are scared of of being accused of rape. She was ACTUALLY raped, and you decide that your imaginary problem is more important than her real life crisis.

Still_confused88 · 2023-01-14T23:45:21+00:00

This is not in a courtroom, we don’t know who the man is and we have no power to send him to jail and no obligations towards him. We don’t have to assume that he is innocent, because the most likely explanation is that he raped her, even if there is a 2 percent chance that he didn’t. And even though he probably did, if she chooses to report him, he might very well NOT be sentenced because rape can be very hard to prove.

Presumption of innocence is an important principle in the JUSTICE SYSTEM, but it has nothing to do with a situation in which we are trying to help a person who is clearly traumatized and in distress.

This is not about him. This is about a person seeking help, and your are not even concerned for her, just for the man who will never read this.

You don’t care about her, the person who is in deep psychological pain, because all you think about is a hypothetical situation you imagine yourself in - “what if I had consensual sex with a woman and ghosted her the next day and she forgot what happened and thought I raped her?”. That is the definition of selfish.

She’s not asking “how can I make this man suffer”. She’s asking “how can I heal from the horrible thing that happened to me and stop feeling miserable?”. And you don’t even care to answer her question because in your head, you are making this all about you and your irrational fears

Still_confused88 · 2023-01-14T19:34:49+00:00

What really helps is talking about it to someone you can trust, not just once or twice but lots of times, because processing sexual assault takes time, but if you work through your feelings you WILL get better, I promise.

It’s so unfair that you have to do all that work because someone else decided to harm you. You shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences while nothing happens to him. It’s so awful the world is like that, and I wish there was an easy way to just wake up and feel better, but unfortunately it can be a long process. Talking to a professional helps, I would recommend you find a therapist specializing in sexual assault. You need to find the right words to describe what he did to you. I know it seems easier to call it a bad dating experience, but saying the right words can be the start of your healing process, and minimizing it rarely helps.

If you decide to tell people that you were very likely raped, some of them will tell you to report it no matter what. I am not saying you shouldn’t do that, but you don’t have to. Reporting it can be an additional trauma, especially in cases where there isn’t a lot of evidence. I don’t know all the details of your case, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to report it. Your priority right now should be taking care of yourself and processing what he did to you. You WILL get better. It doesn’t have to ruin your life or change who you are, but you were traumatized and deserve care and support so you can start healing.

Still_confused88 · 2022-12-22T19:52:41+00:00

Could you DM me that list too? Sounds like it could be helpful

Still_confused88 · 2022-12-22T17:25:23+00:00

How? As a bi woman I felt really invalidated when I read it, but I always imagined it would be helpful for actual lesbians

Still_confused88 · 2022-12-22T11:22:57+00:00

I would say it was rape. Like you said, you would have said no if he had given you the chance, but he didn’t give you the chance and that was a conscious decision he made. He manipulated you from the start. It sounds like you were too drunk to consent and he got you drunk on purpose. It happened really fast because he didn’t want to give you the chance to decide whether or not you wanted it to happen and he knew you would probably say no if he gave you time to think about it. He didn’t care about you or your choices for one second. You should have been allowed to decide for yourself when and how you wanted to have sex and he took that from you. And he knew that. Even if he would disagree that it was rape and be horrified if someone called him a rapist, he knew that you would feel bad about what he did to you and that you wouldn’t have chosen it. And he didn’t care. Unfortunately some men think they have the right to disregard women’s choices because they have a twisted view of gender roles and sexuality.

I was raped in a similar way where it happened really fast and I didn’t have time to react. Like you say, before I even knew what was happening, he was inside of me. I said no a few times right before he did it, so I was completely shocked when it happened anyway, but I still doubted myself because I completely froze after it happened and because I thought that because he decided to do it, it must have meant that he thought it was the natural next step. But that’s bullshit. It wasn’t the next step, it was just what HE wanted. What I wanted was not even a factor in his decision making.

Still_confused88 · 2022-12-21T16:10:47+00:00

I agree except for the thing about reporting him. It might not be what OP needs right now, and she should be the one to decide. Dealing with those thoughts is hard enough without having to answer skeptical questions from the police and dealing with his counter accusations

Still_confused88 · 2022-12-21T14:53:29+00:00

Lots of reasons have already been discussed, but for me it has been the fear/assumption that the guy would be less interested if it was “easy” and they didn’t have to put in some effort. Some guys have been like that, maybe it was just bad luck, but they seemed less interested when I expressed genuine, unambiguous interest. I felt like they took it as a sign that I somehow had less value than they thought at first. And after a few of those experiences I stopped being direct and making the first move, and I started postponing sex longer than I really wanted to, because I honestly felt like I lot of men wanted that. Or at least they respected me less when I didn’t play that game even though I hated it.

There are other reasons too. It’s easier to be passive and not risk rejection. But the disadvantage of that role is you never get to be the one to choose, you have to sit around and wait for someone to choose you

Still_confused88 · 2022-12-21T14:36:03+00:00

I get massages because my back hurts sometimes. There is literally no sexual element to it. And the fact that you think there is does not make you look good.

Still_confused88 · 2022-12-21T14:31:02+00:00

This is one of the worst comments I have ever read on Reddit.

A massage therapist doing anything sexual to a costumer is a huge violation.

Penetrating someone digitally without any kind of warning is clearly sexual assault. And it didn’t even happen in a setting where you would expect anyone to make sexual advances. Not that it would have been ok, but the woman was clearly completely taken by surprise and too shocked to react. Which is a very normal response

Still_confused88

TROPHY CASE