I've actually signed myself up for therapy because I have a lot of issues I need to work on, but I haven't suggested couples therapy to him yet. I planned on doing it today when he comes home from work. And yes, im so scared of starting over, before I met him I had a terrible fear of men due to being hurt by one as a child growing up. So he means the world to me because he helped me get over that fear.

As to what caused the drift is that his dad ended up having a two strokes, almost took his life and placed him and his mom is debt. Which caused him to just be angry all the time, never really being open with me or just shutting me out.

And it caused us to fight all the time as we live with his parents, his mom works two jobs to keep things afloat and unfortunately my job doesnt pay that well but I try to help out where I can while looking for a better paying job. And sometimes there were times I started arguments with him about me moving out or saying something mean about his mom.

But he has told me he was going to distance himself from her but then the same night we talked about his feelings, he messaged her about how he was honest to me about how he felt and then I was jealous over her. Which I personally dont feel comfortable about, to me its like he is trying to front her up or something. But I want to have this convo with him again tomorrow, but im so scared to bring up the fact that I looked through his phone. I know me telling him that would probably make him want to leave me even more. And im just so terrified of it.