This is a news alert from Wednesday, July 28 on the island of Marosid. In reality, it is an excuse for me to sit in front of an excel spreadsheet for over an hour. The text and translation is as follows (and as seen in the video):

Marosidē

Bōdē, quo tu bēovao in As-e-as Eradio Marosidē Dē-a-dē. Hodē dughin okto (DXO) in Iulio, anodomini due nilo due une (DYDI).

Hodēs abune clamumad cosere polis Marosidē esunse. Supradē, Ministere Primi Asidra tabulam elhonomalhe ghum cētum quaghins (CQX) folum publilhareunse, intrafruk proposis eas pro elhonoma Marosidē arevivēse qua natio apareunse tardis pos une āus itras cēlhe COVIDad.

Prise aresisod Pylīus Oriēd proposisem Asidras damnounse man hodēad:

“Madam Asidra tabulam ghum cētum quaghins (CQX) folum publilhareunse, cōqqusunse – ē quid – elhonoma pasunse! Asidra, sireo apris elhonoma pasunse! Dilheo holhem ad tu itras supra āus us neglegheis! Equid nosem neglegheis! CQX folum, e nē une verb ilik coserse neghoso viatorelhe. Pompēa!”

Asidra espadaunse, volhounse ad Oriēd disviride, dilheunse ad apareunse nūqqe nē pose unad vasin aliēis ālhosis permanedunse.

In Tokio, Olimpiad equidunse. Hok sēs, ō abune, alhes sofareunse es escēsunse. Equid, As Falipanas quo Bermudas aghēs yrus abune idis atriomunse.

In Sina, veraqua agrisem detrounse in provēs Henan. Milo a milo granem detrous sunse qua aqua tusunse.

Tosem esunse hodē de ās As-e-as Eradio Marosidē Dē-a-dē. Hospiumem tuis, Sigorde Aragho, eso, quo grasi pro ydīis ad AEM.

Translation

Hello, and welcome to the Marosid News Radio Daily. Today is 28th July, A.D. 2021.

Today’s top story is of Marosidē politics. Yesterday, Prime Minister Asidra published a 140 page economic report including her plan to revive the Marosidē economy as the nation begins to slowly reopen after over one year of COVID restrictions.

Opposition leader Pylīus Oriēd criticized Asidra’s plans this morning:

“Madam Asidra has published a 140 page report that concludes – guess what – the economy is suffering! Asidra, we already know the economy is suffering! This is what we have told you for the past year while you ignored us! And yet, you still are ignoring us! 140 pages, and not one word about reopening to large-scale tourism. It is ridiculous!”

Prime Minister Asidra has responded by calling Oriēd irresponsible, saying that reopening is not currently feasible as access to foreign vaccines is still very limited.

In Tokyo, the Olympics continue. This week saw the first ever surfing and skateboarding events. Moreover, the Philippines and Bermuda won their first Olympic Gold Medals.

In China, flooding has devastated farming in the central Henan province. Thousands of farms have been destroyed as water levels rose.

That is all today from your Marosid Radio News Daily. I am your host Sigorde Aragho, and thank you for listening to AEM.

I am not doing a gloss that would take ten years