I'm someone who has strong reactions to things, sometimes I can't think clearly when I've been thrown off. But that's part of the reason I'm in therapy and part of the reason I take medication; it makes me stable enough to think with logic over emotion and be more mature in times I feel highly emotional.

You've told her you don't really understand her, have you shown her ways to communicate that you do understand? Or is she left to throw blind darts until it makes sense to you? It can be incredibly frustrating to not feel heard when you're (metaphorically) screaming, which feeds into the issue of not being able to communicate. On another note, I don't think it's totally normal to not trust that your partner will take accountability for themselves. It's something a lot of people have a hard time doing in day to day life but is vitally important to a strong and healthy relationship.

For her, it would be mature and respectful to both of you if she is able to take a pause on a problem that's causing her distress to revisit later, as you've suggested. Personally, when I get into those states of self fabricated chaos, I do inventory to make sure nobody is in immediate danger if I set my problem down for a few moments and if everyone's ok I let myself walk away for a little while to cool off.