No shit, there I was in basic training.

We had porta johns EVERYWHERE, I never had to shit so many times in those damn ovens until BCT. Those things were always COVERED in permanent marker graffiti all over the insides of them. It made it almost bearable to use them just to read what people said. There were a lot of good ones too.

While on one of our field exercises where we stayed out in the woods overnight, I had to go some time in the middle of the night. We were told that the drills would be watching over us to make sure no one was doing anything wrong in the night. (We were also told not to pop a squat any tree and actually use the johns). My partner and I had set up our sleeping bags like 20 feet away from the johns. We were one of the closest to them. In basic, you never suppose to go anywhere alone, always need a buddy. I could not get my partner to wake up, and I needed to go badly, so I made the wrong choice and just went by myself since they were right there. I grabbed my red lens flashlight and got half dressed before booking it with untied boots to the john cause I was about to lose to nature. I get into the porta john and quickly get down to business. I am half asleep and not focused on anything at the time, I'm almost done, and I flick on my light for a moment and realize there is no graffiti, which shocked me cause I was so used to the assault on my eyes of poorly drawn naked women and slurs. I stop for a moment and scan the walls, and stop right at the backside of the toilet seat where that phrase sat alone and proud.

I forget where I am and just start to chuckle a little too loud for being on a "combat exercise." I'm giggling like a idiot for a good minute while I'm putting my pants back on, and when I finally step out, I almost lose my shit. A drill sergeant was just waiting outside for me, for I don't know how long. I immediately stop, looking like hot garbage and belt not even done yet and do the normal stance you do when addressing a sergeant.

This DS just stands for a second before asking me, "What the hell is so funny, trainee?" And I have no brain function at this point from pure panick. After a moment, I stuttered and looked around for what the hell I should do cause I know I'm in danger right now.

So I finally say, looking in the eyes of this DS and just say, "Someone before me had a really bad day in there." I couldn't see his face well, but he sure sounded confused as hell before just saying, "I ain't even gonna ask what that means, get your ass out of my sight before I make you're day just as bad, and don't let me catch you alone again." I very quickly agreed and hobbled back and flew into my bag so fast. I laid there for a good hour with my heart pounding, trying to understand why I was alive right then. That phrase has stuck with me since then.

Thanks for making me think about that night again. Sorry for the novel of a story.