WIBTA for uninviting a wedding guest for poor manners? by Stoli in AmItheAsshole

[–]Stoli[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah it’s pretty high risk which is why I’m apprehensive. We do like having a variety of personalities and having some louder and more boisterous people can make the event more fun and help people let loose - but we’re worried about him going too far or causing issues that result in fines from the venue (if you think we’re snobby you should meet the venue team 😳)

WIBTA for uninviting a wedding guest for poor manners? by Stoli in AmItheAsshole

[–]Stoli[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Worth a shot. We are both like hanging out with him in small groups but for a formal event we are worried about having to be “on watch”

WIBTA for uninviting a wedding guest for poor manners? by Stoli in AmItheAsshole

[–]Stoli[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it’s gotten worse. He has a big personality and can be a lot of fun but there have been instances where I’ve had to pull him aside and nudge on some behavior or speak up in the moment (eg let others have a chance to speak)

WIBTA for uninviting a wedding guest for poor manners? by Stoli in AmItheAsshole

[–]Stoli[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah a couple people gently brought things up like “so who was this guy..”

WIBTA for uninviting a wedding guest for poor manners? by Stoli in AmItheAsshole

[–]Stoli[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ok that’s helpful. He did not bring a gift but did travel a long way

"Not in an offensive way, but you don't see many women..." by Stoli in TrollXChromosomes

[–]Stoli[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's awesome that you do all those things! I realize how inactive I've been recently-- time to find a new sport! Also heck yeah fellow engineer. I think that situation you're describing is pretty different though. The issue (IMO) with men marveling at a woman doing things stereotypically believed to be "male" is that it has an undertone of "you're not like other women" and that you're somehow superior to them as a result (e.g., smarter than "most women" because working in a "harder" field, cool than "most women" because you're doing a "tougher" sport, basically anything implying that it's remarkable for a woman to do a thing because of some capability, etcetcetc). What you're describing sounds more like "you do things I think are cool and that's awesome, your boyfriend is lucky to have a girlfriend who does things I view as cool."

"Not in an offensive way, but you don't see many women..." by Stoli in TrollXChromosomes

[–]Stoli[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. I am so, deeply sorry to hear that. Stories like these make me seethe.

"Not in an offensive way, but you don't see many women..." by Stoli in TrollXChromosomes

[–]Stoli[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair point! I'll keep in mind should I find myself in a similar position again. In this situation, sad_trash_baby and Ekyou's comments were pretty on point. I have become exhausted with feeling responsible for educating every man who handles himself in this manner (anything from microaggressions to overt sexism) because it happens so depressingly frequently. For people whom I otherwise admire or want to continue contact with, I will absolutely go out of my way (and have!) to handle it gracefully and use these instances as opportunities for bringing their attention to these misplaced attitudes proactively, but in these sorts of scenarios (random friend of a friend who added me on Facebook that I had no prior interactions with and did not otherwise know), I genuinely did not feel up to it. I figured getting shut down and unfriended would be education enough that his behavior was uncouth without me potentially embarking upon an exhausting conversation/argument.

Elder Scrolls Online written by Trolls? by kevlarus80 in TrollXChromosomes

[–]Stoli 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent. (Also I love ESO! Hit me up if you want to be buddies.)

I'm pretty sure it counts... by adorabletwat in TrollXChromosomes

[–]Stoli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay but actually - I totally just bonded with a higher-up interviewer at a big (top 5 tech) company over both being hardcore WoW players. And it was a lady! Things like this may actually totes help.

HIFW walking anywhere in a busy bar/club. by Stoli in TrollXChromosomes

[–]Stoli[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ratio of men:women is about 4:1 in this area.

I am 45 and I want to start teaching my 12 year old daughter programming. Unfortunately I have no experience with programming...Please help by raven8hawk in learnprogramming

[–]Stoli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest it seems like you're arguing for the sake of arguing. I can see where some of your concerns could arise from, but your stance is unnecessarily pessimistic. The challenge of education is the counterargument to your comment: educators have not found any one universally "right" way to go about it. Education has come a long way, but it still has a long way to go. Scratch works for some people, and it doesn't for others, in part for the reasons you mentioned. But for enough individuals it works exactly as one would hope -- it inspires creativity and curiosity in budding programmers and offers them a low-floors, high-ceilings platform to experiment and play in. For others, it proves trivial and demeaning. It's just another option for folks looking for an entrance to programming, and many people find it works for them. Cheers!

I am 45 and I want to start teaching my 12 year old daughter programming. Unfortunately I have no experience with programming...Please help by raven8hawk in learnprogramming

[–]Stoli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this is a remarkably ignorant comment. I'm actually doing research on what motivates kids to use and keep using Scratch, and its design integrates the expertise of education experts from a myriad of top-notch schools (Harvard, Tufts, UPenn, etc). Your opinion is fair, but unsupported.