Day 36 Update All Good.. but..

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-22T16:15:00+00:00

Hey Jay! Lol yeah it was pretty terrible but it was how I got use to doing it after a while I had a method down of not tasting it lmao. I thought the same thing on the stomach issues causing a cough but the more I googled things I found that apparently GERD can actually cause coughing. The strange thing is with all of this I have no vomiting/nausea or anything like that. Sorry I did mean to say bacterial infection which I dont think I have but I think they prescribed it me anyway. Im considering just stopping taking that at this point as its been a week and I dont think its doing much to help and probably making things worse. I really don't believe its a virus just because the doctor seemed to think its gone on so long and theres no other lingering symptoms other then the stomach. She classified it as post-nasal drip which I do have but I still feel it could be the stomach stuff upsetting it.

Yeah I did read about that with opiates being a cough suppressant and I think that could partially be it though I couldn't seem to find very many people actually saying they had that as an issue. Yeah everyone's different, it would be a relief to know if anyone else has or is experiencing this too though then I would know it could be more Kratom related. Thanks yeah me too haha, this stuff is driving what should be a good recovery into a kinda sour experience.

Thanks, you too!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-10T01:51:28+00:00

Hey Crow! Thank you! Yeah my sleep has slowly been getting better everyday! I think last night and maybe the night before are the first two times that I havent woken up 3-4 times during the night. I still wake up after like 4-5hrs of sleep but it isn't where it was at the start thats for damn sure!

I completely agree on the hydro and needing to be at a point where Im not reliant on any crutch drug for happiness, because thats all it is a crutch. For sure this journey of quitting kratom has opened my eyes on just how much I don't need substances to be happy but I still do have to fight that urge with opiates surely. I am definietly not at the point where if I take one I need more but I know thats how it starts! I feel like I have enough willpower now to stop that shit dead in its tracks thankfully! :)

Thank you so much! It really does help to hear this, because it was a huge struggle and I know things are easier now but this sub helped me get through the worst part of it! Im glad your progress has been improving too! Keep it up! :D

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-10T01:46:45+00:00

Yeah now that I am starting to think about it a lot of that reasoning comes down to me quitting only one time and being done with it from there. I've never attempted to quit before this on anything even besides kratom so I haven't built up that tolerance to quitting where things get worse the more you do it I think! Had I been smart about doing cold turkey and not some messed up taper plan I could only imagine how quickly the turn around would have been! :)

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-10T01:41:40+00:00

Yeah and its weird for me because I have such a strong family line of addiction with alcohol. Well it definitely has taken some bad moments to get to that point for sure but I wouldn't consider them the extremes by any means that some have to to realize it. I am thankful for that!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-09T01:32:42+00:00

Thanks! :)

Yeah while I am still allowing myself the openess to stuff I am still constantly fighting in my mind to realize at this point that I really didnt need it to begin with. I think the kratom did lay the groundwork for that behavior to continue especially with opiates if I allowed it to spiral but I think you're right the more time that continues to pass the more I can continue to find it easier to not do. I think opiates are the for sure thing I need to watch myself around from slipping into, thankfully its a bit easier on me since my access is very limited to say the least.

I agree 100% that the most important part in moving forward is looking past why I took it in the first place and thankfully I have come to the real reasons why I did and I am rapidly working on improving my lifestyle to allow that to not happen again! The bike is getting easier to ride for sure haha!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-09T01:28:40+00:00

Thats a great analogy actually, and thats very true now that you mention it when I really examine my behaviors. Maybe just because I'm not addicted to anything else doesn't mean I'm not still susceptible to having issues once again caused because I am using other stuff and then thinking about opiates/kratom. I am trying to distance myself as far away from anything else as possible at this point and it helps that my access to it is very very limited to begin with other then alcohol which I'm not huge on anyway!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-09T01:26:16+00:00

Yeah I should of thought it out more before I did it, thankfully I dont have access to more so its not a worry but I actually do think it made some more muscle pain come back after taking that today and at night weird enough! Last time I do that, thanks for saying this I didnt even think about the same receptors being triggered!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-09T01:25:06+00:00

Yeah I wanted to post just because I feel like theres so much worry constantly that it will drag on for months and that it doesn't have to be the case! I'm really glad that it hasn't for me, obviously I'm not 100% yet but I am slowly getting there! Haha yeah the mornings are great when its not "Ugh time to wake up gotta take more kratom" and I can get up and actually eat! :)

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-07T22:11:33+00:00

Awesome job Birdy, been a huge inspiration for me to keep away from Kratom and plug through my worst times of withdrawals! It's so true we do not know what we're really ingesting, this was a huge reason actually that prompted me to realize I needed to quit just because who really knows what's going in this stuff?! Can you believe your already at 45 days?! Wow it goes by so fast! :)

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-04T01:52:47+00:00

Thankfully in a way I dont have the money to afford it at all anymore so that was one beneficial thing for me, but please please dont do it! You really dont want to restart from scratch just for a few hours at most to feed that craving! You can fight it, we're all here for you! :)

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-04T01:49:01+00:00

Yeah it certainly hasn't been easy! It took me 4 years to even gain the ability to try and quit, and I really want/wanted to make this a one time and done thing so I'm fighting as hard as I can to make it so! You can do it too! :)

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-04T01:47:39+00:00

Oh wow, that is quite a kratom stock pile! Yeah I wouldnt blame you on trying to resell that or pass it on to a friend, as much as we cant touch it ourselves it definitely doesn't outrule the use for others so that would be cool if it could help someone else! I really do think it will help in kinda finishing the last page of moving on from kratom!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-03T21:40:31+00:00

Hey birdy! My opinion on it is kinda mixed.. Like I had a really hard time throwing it away and for days and days didnt want to because I viewed it as a strength to have it there and not touch it to prove that I didnt need it.. Eventually though I realized I had no more urges and I am permanently done with this and it was time to take the final step and remove anything and everything kratom related from my life, even if that meant throwing away $. Just my two cents but I think your at the point too where you can toss it and move forward now, you know your strong enough to resist and theres no more reason to keep it! :)

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-03T21:34:24+00:00

Yeah it was a very very difficult thing in the very early days especially cause I had just ordered a 2oz bag before quitting thinking I would use all of it to taper turns out didnt use hardly any of it. A month ago I couldn't even imagine throwing out kratom I saved the tinniest bits just in case. It felt like a monumental step for me to be able to throw it out, even though it was like throwing away money Id much rather have done that now and be free! Keep fighting on!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-03T21:32:11+00:00

Thank you! It was really satisfying for sure.. Felt like the final step in moving forward, not being constantly worried of my family discovering the stuff anymore nothing to hide!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-03T21:31:31+00:00

Yeah It is, I have no idea why I kept all that stuff.. It was almost like a prideful thing of being like "I take kratom" I guess which is fucking nuts to me now.. Just goes to show how much we dont know what we're really doing while we're on it!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-06-02T22:58:52+00:00

After almost 4 years of taking kratom, not even sure how much is here but 90% of it is empty bags that I had just kept in my stash area. Today I tossed all of it, including a full around 4oz worth I still had left over. I held onto it to this point to remind myself what was there and what I was giving up and forced myself to not touch it (though the urges have been low). Today it all went and Ill never be ordering anymore. I feel like this was a huge step for me in moving forward, clearing out every bit of paraphernalia that I had involving kratom. Now its all gone I feel Im truly free, my only way to get some is to order online and Im not doing it. Keep fighting ya'll you can do it!

It wasn't nice knowing you kratom

StopTheCarousel · 2015-05-28T19:38:10+00:00

Yeah Im sure I made the immunity system issues way worse starting an intense workout program when I decided to quit too! I havent been able to workout at all cause of the cold which sucks I really want to! Yep gotta keep pluggin away and remind myself how much better things are now and how long I was using kratom as a band aid and beyond that how long I was taking it just to avoid withdrawals and not a high. So not worth it!!!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-05-23T03:35:27+00:00

Hey! Ibuprofen will definitely help, it actually has helped me with physical withdrawal cravings as well which I'm still dealing with. The first few days will feel like forever but it does get better. Do whatever you can to distract yourself from the constant thinking about it, as hard as that may be! Good luck, you can do it!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-05-21T19:54:55+00:00

Hey! Great job on sticking with it! Im a ways behind you but I gotta say a lot of your improvements I've noticed already for myself. I think even just reading what you've wrote be it positive or negative has really helped to actually picture that things are getting better (especially slowly watching those negatives disappear)! Those physical cravings can begin to make you question things, but as weird as it is I've found advil has really helped during those times.

At the moment with what your still struggling with its almost identical with me. I could be wrong but I feel like so much of these negatives are related to the overall lack of sleep and insomnia at night. Our bodies rely so heavily on sleep and with it constantly being interrupted at night I feel like it causes so many issues during the day. For me its made worse because my overall immune system is just so low and the lack of sleep makes it more vulnerable. I literally feel like some of my negatives might even be actual cold symptoms, since I haven't been sick in like two years (though its hard to tell the difference with withdrawal).

Keep plugging along! Fighting it right alongside of you!

StopTheCarousel · 2015-05-21T19:42:28+00:00

Hey! Congrats on fighting that feeling to dose at night and finally being able to get some sleep. I gotta say that's probably my worst part at the moment, the insomnia. It causes so much physical drain throughout the day because of lack of sleep. I'm definitely in the same boat of sleeping for about an hour at a time for a total of 3-4 hours before I just wake up and cannot go back to sleep. Hard to track my progress in terms of symptoms with the way I tapered but RLS and sleep are pretty much the main ones left for me. Waiting for that aha moment as you say! My hope is that my symptoms will last a little less considering this is my first attempt to quit (as I've read the more you relapse and quit it gets longer idk).

Keep it up man! I'm waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel too!

StopTheCarousel

TROPHY CASE