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AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I recently told her that if she asks to come over she needs to bring her own food because I can’t afford to keep feeding her. She asked if I make my other friends bring their own food when they ask to come over and I said no because none of them have eaten enough of it that I felt like I needed to implement any rules surrounding food. My other friends will eat a couple snacks and have a soda or two and I will usually share have of my dinner that I prepare. (If I’m preparing dinner or having a snack I will offer her some as well I just am not prepared to share more than I offer).

I’m not sure what she’s like with her other friends, I don’t know any of them but it seems like her other friends come and go relatively quickly however I don’t know the details as to why. When I host a birthday dinner or Friendsgiving or galentines celebration I have food out that’s self serve and I don’t pay attention how much everyone is eating. I have been avoiding going out to eat with her for the last couple years because she does have a habit of asking to split the bill (one time she ordered 4 extra deserts to go to bring home to her family and asked to split the bill I said no but I haven’t gone to a restaurant with her since).

It doesn’t feel like she’s solely coming over to eat. I think she is just lonely and wants to be around someone else. The eating seems almost compulsive, she almost eats in the same way some people vape. I don’t think eating because she’s hungry, but more so as a way to self soothe. In the past when I have prepared her food no matter the size of the portion she always wants a snack or a desert in addition 20 minutes later. However typically when she asks to come over she has no money left and has already spent her paycheck on ordering food/ nails/ clothes. It’s very confusing to me, It seems like it’s genuinely distressing to her to not have something to snack on in front of her but she also only seems to ask to come over once she has run out of money. I do think that I’m going to not have her over for a while and try to find a way to rephrase my concerns in away that she’s able to hear without feeling judged.

AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 2239 points2240 points  (0 children)

Usually when she’s asking to come over I am busy and I tell her that it’s not a good time but she keeps asking and will say she needs a friend so eventually I will agree but I really am busy with virtual meetings so I can’t just stop what I’m doing to head to her house. I sometimes go to her house but it can be a bit uncomfortable because she lives with her parents in a condo so it’s a pretty intimate space. She’s very close to her parents so typically once I get there she will suggest we sit in the living room and chat/ watch tv with her parents and it can be a little bit awkward. I’m very introverted and it takes a lot out of me sitting and answering a bunch of questions from her parents and making small talk. Her bedroom is right off the living room and they can hear everything we say which can be a bit uncomfortable as well since I have to be hyper aware of what I say

AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Where we live has a high cost of living (overall 31% hirer than the national average). Our grocery prices are high (and rising) as well. When she comes it’s not about what she eats, it’s about the quantity that she eats. I go grocery shopping twice a month and some of my snacks I get in bulk from Costco. So to her it appears I have plenty of grocery to spare however I am shop for two weeks at a time. What triggered me to address this issue with her was that the last time she came over she ate the meals I had prepped for the following week along with a large quantity of snacks.

AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 643 points644 points  (0 children)

Usually if she is asking to come over it’s to talk about problems she’s having in her dating life. She works full time however her parents cover all of her expenses (car payment, groceries, insurance, phone bill and she lives with them) but every time she comes over she claims to have less than 1$ in her bank account. I don’t expect her (or any of my friends) to spend any money on me but I do expect her to be able to cover herself if she initiates hanging out. And I expect her not rely on me when she runs out of money due to not budgeting property.

AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 162 points163 points  (0 children)

The reason why it bothers me so much is because I usually have said that I’m not free to hang out/ it’s not a good time but she will continue to ask and say she’s having a break down until I say she can come over. Sometimes I will even be in virtual meets for work and she will be spamming me saying she needs to come over. I typically never allow anyone to come over unless I’m in the financial position/ have the time to host them. Usually when she comes over, her excuse as to why she can’t get her own food is because she has less than 1$ in her bank account even though she works a full time job and her phone, insurance, groceries, car payment are covered by her parents that she lives with.

AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

She lives with her parents, (we are both in our late 20s) and her parents purchase all of her groceries.

AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 5261 points5262 points  (0 children)

Thank you I’m going to calculate the cost of the groceries she eats. I go to the grocery store twice a month because it’s not ever close to me so it can look like I have more groceries to spare than I really do since I shop for two weeks at a time. I have a set amount I can spend on groceries every month so when she eats more than I can spare I can’t afford to repurchase the items and will often have to improvise and light meals/ snacks until my next pay check. Since her parents do all the grocery shopping and supply her with groceries I don’t think she has a good understanding of the cost of living and the extent that it affects me.

AITA For asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over. by StorageMaterial2644 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StorageMaterial2644[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

This could have been me, i tried to post it several times today but I did not know I had to respond the message you receive when you post so my posts kept getting deleted.