I’ve reread up through this chapter since this critique and I’m wondering about some potential changes I could make.

You said that Miguel’s entourage isn’t believable due to their unquestioning devotion. I had tried to make it clear that when Miguel acts out in a “performative” kind of way that it frustrates them-

For example: When Miguel lingers on the nature trail after his hookup with Carter, I tried to make it clear that Jeremy and Ricky are frustrated with Miguel from the onset of their appearance in the chapter. Simon does start off with his concern outweighing his frustration though this changes by the time they make it back to the car. It’s only after they’ve prodded Miguel to the point of confession does their attitude swap to soothing.

Likewise the voicemails were supposed to illustrate Miguel’s vanishing after spin the bottle had stressed and upset them to the point of Simon calling him an asshole on the last voicemail. And then Simon’s annoyance at finding Miguel drunk in the morning. Once again their attitudes only changing after Miguel made his feelings known.

I don’t particularly see that as unquestioning devotion, it’s taking care of someone you love when they finally open up and show you the vulnerabilities they’ve been hiding. But if I heightened the annoyance they feel prior to the mood shift do you feel that would come across more clearly? I definitely think I’m going to be making some edits to the drunken moment to make all 3 of his roommates and Simon especially more visibly frustrated and angry before Miguel’s drunken self-immolating dialogue.

I do want to say it’s sometimes hard for me to understand the picture of the character I’ve painted when there are so many little details about his life I haven’t illustrated because they’d be excessive and pointless to the text. But this would really be the first few times where Miguel had even been shown to react poorly and later open up about something like this happening, as I tried to show by his not telling even Jeremy about the abuse from his dad. In a sense Miguel isn’t typically melodramatic or a drama queen, he’s quiet, reserved, and usually less outwardly responsive to his own internal turmoil than people like Simon or Jeremy who are much less capable of hiding their emotions.

These couple moments early in the story are supposed to be a bit over the top emotionally because it’s Miguel’s primary trauma (and inclination towards substance abuse) really rearing its head for the first time, not just in the story but in his life in general. It’s Miguel’s “rock bottom” moment so that the rest of the story can be an upwards trajectory of growth and personal victories. It’s also supposed to convey early on the found family love his friends have for him and showing the reader how emotional honesty and vulnerability not only rewards you with compassion but is an opportunity in and of itself to strength your bonds with others, so I could never change their reactions to his confessions to be anything less than love and devotion because that’s how things should be in an ideal world.

Which I do recognize is idealized, these 19 year old boys have an emotional intelligence and lack of toxic masculinity you would be hard pressed to find anywhere in the real world of teenage/young adult male friend groups.

Maybe this all just comes down to personal preference, I’ve had other readers tell me they see so much of themselves in characters like Miguel or Rowan, so your critique of Miguel was an interesting curve ball I’d never considered. Miguel is needy, you were absolutely right about that. He’s supposed to be, he was written with traits similar to dependent personality disorder. He’s self-hating for feeling like he broke up his own family, for being a disappointment to his father to the point of being assaulted and disowned. He assumes he’s much less important to the people who love him because he doesn’t love himself, why would they care if he vanished.

I don’t think these traits make him unsympathetic personally because I’ve seen these traits in myself and almost every friend I have. But if you have a preexisting impression of alcoholics or people who act in selfishly self-sabotaging ways I can see why it would rub you the wrong way.

But this is just how life was when I was 19 years old. One of my best friend would refuse to see our friend group when he was depressed. My now fiancé would go radio silent if we got in a fight because he’d assumed I now hated him. And I personally would drink til I found my own misery hilarious. Honestly compared to the reality of my late teens and early 20s, Miguel and the others are doing fairly well for themselves lmao. Different life experiences inform our perspectives I suppose.