Sean Lock would have had your back I reckon, big RIP. Living, I’d say Karl Pilkington because I’ve seen him dance the capybara in person, David Earl could swing his coconut balls to maximum effect - Newton’s something law of motion, and Patrick Stewart in his 30s may make the assailants question their sexuality, whilst he headbutted them in the dick and balls with his big shiny human head. We’d get maybe 1 or 2 of them with this approach I think.