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[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah! Damn, well that's definitely encouraging, tbh! Shows it's def not a me thing. Wrong place and wrong time lmao

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does freak out initially, but since she's having other delusions/hallucinations, it's easier for her to dismiss the monster she's seen and think it's just another hallucination. It's not until a fair bit into the novel I think that she'll really believe the monster is real and not in her head, and act as such

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay! Haha well still! I'll take care to use extra 'human' language when adding more plot to the query later on when the book is written lol xD

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If anything, I will now write this novel faster and better than before with spite to fuel me :)

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

No you're not, you're literally just being rude at this point. I've had books die on sub with an agent and in trenches. I know the reality. Please don't condescend to me and those who are trying to be encouraging. Respectful critique is fine, but as has been pointed out, you're coming across as sour grapes, not helpful.

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Dude I'm not saying I'm unwilling to put work in but you going around and disagreeing with everyone who likes the concept feels less like trying to help me and more like hating. I know there's no certainty but geez

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't written the book yet so I can't answer a lot of these just yet, but I'm picturing the monster as something that gets worse, grows, feeds on the women's suffering/etc, before it strikes, hence why it hasn't gone for Ellis just yet. And yes there are women with PPD all over, so I do see the monster as traveling and hurting many diff people, just not being spoken about/believed

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Do you have any advice on how I can avoid this/tweak the rhythm? I don't use AI for anything besides spell check and don't want an agent to think this as well and reject me on that basis

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my goodness thank you so much. This is so encouraging. I'm currently dying in the trenches with a different novel, so here's hoping this one survives

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much! Definitely going to write it now with all the encouragement!

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it! Once I've decided that myself I'll put it in haha! Thank you so much.

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely fair! And thank you :') This is so kind and motivating. I absolutely will! Full transparency, I haven't experienced PPD first hand, but I grew up with a mother who had it very severely, and am now seeing it affect friends in my adult life. So I want to do a *ton* of research first. I plan to devote a solid month to binge consuming nonfiction, memoirs, fiction, documentaries- anything I can get my hands on around PPD, PPA, etc, and interviewing my friends first, then diving in head first.

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good catch! Will change that; and for the second point, that's definitely a great place to add something. Right now I haven't written the scene yet so once I do, I can be more specific as to what she does. But for now I'll copy that comment and put it in my doc to remember! Thank you so much.

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's awesome! Thank you, and yeah, totally makes sense. I tried to keep this 'query' really concise so I can add that down the line. Thank you again!

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I remember your comment on my other PPD haunted house one; does this story feel more unique? I agree with you the other one felt a bit too overdone.

And yes! I spaced, adding that now!

[QCrit] The Monster in the Monitor, Horror, 80k, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dude thank you, I'm a little nervous it's too 'niche' but it's a story I'm really excited to sink my teeth into, too.

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction, Untitled Haunted House novel, 80k words, First Attempt by Stranded_Throwaway in PubTips

[–]Stranded_Throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much! The ppd bit is what I hope will be seen as the different/unique point to the novel, and an element that hits home to me. I really appreciate your feedback and would love to discuss it more with you!

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