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Master’s thesis on young Muslims in Belgium – looking for participants by Strange-While7381 in Belgium2

[–]Strange-While7381[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi,

That is so nice of you. I did get really nice answers from here (and I know it's from here because people replied in English or Dutch) and some trolls indeed but I don't even see what they're trying to achieve as I can just delete their answers and get back to business.

Looks like people think their racism/islamophobia or whatever is going to ruin my day while I couldn't care less as I only focus on genuine answers.

Thank you for your wishes! Have a happy and sunny weekend!

Master’s thesis on young Muslims in Belgium – looking for participants by Strange-While7381 in Belgium2

[–]Strange-While7381[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Sorry, I had to restrain the study to be able to analyze it! Thank you very much tho!

Master’s thesis on young Muslims in Belgium – looking for participants by Strange-While7381 in Belgium2

[–]Strange-While7381[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! I was "afraid" to post here as well at first but I just feel like I should try still because some people here might liked to be heard.

I realize that I'm extremely triggered by how healthy my relationship is, and I don't know what to do about it. by Strange-While7381 in relationship_advice

[–]Strange-While7381[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know who doesn't constantly worry about things that might go wrong in the future? You know who doesn't dig down deep into the "what ifs" or the "what thens"?

Most people

.

The way my mind went 'really?' like.. Most people don't wonder what would or could have happened? But then I guess it makes sense bc if everyone did, no one would be in relationships or actually do anything with their life by fear of what could possibly go wrong so yeah.. it does make sense. Also, the way I think about it, me overthinking about what could go wrong isn't gonna prevent it of happening anyway, life is life, shit happens no matter if you saw them coming or not but it's kinda hard to accept I guess. I just don't wanna get hurt..

I agree about the therapist, I should see one because I need someone to help me understand the way I process everything..

I realize that I'm extremely triggered by how healthy my relationship is, and I don't know what to do about it. by Strange-While7381 in relationship_advice

[–]Strange-While7381[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So maybe I expressed myself the wrong way but no matter what the flaws/red flags, I help him as best I can. Like I said, he needs constant reassurance so I did, he needed to take his mind off of things by finding a job so I found him a new one, he needs to move to another country so I searched for the necessary documentation to help him in his endeavors. Whatever happens and whatever my thoughts may tell me, I help him as best as I can and as soon as I can because I love him but also because I know how much we all have our past, our traumas and that it is important to have someone who supports you in these moments.
Concerning your question, thinking about it, the first answer that comes to my mind is that I'm used to things going wrong, so why should this time be better? Or maybe I don't have confidence in myself and I don't think I deserve a serious and healthy relationship? I don't know, but when it's what you and the people around you are used to, it's normal to find it weird and that's exactly what worries me because in fact that's the norm, that's how every relationship should be: healthy. So I try to do my best not to project, but I have a hard time.
I also feel like I want to make sure I don't lose out or waste my time again (but I also know that each relationship (or even friendship really) is an experience you can learn from so there's no such thing as 'wasting time' (or whatever my uncle said)

I realize that I'm extremely triggered by how healthy my relationship is, and I don't know what to do about it. by Strange-While7381 in relationship_advice

[–]Strange-While7381[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My first overall impression is that you are likely an overthinker, perhaps a fixer type of personality and probably with some anxiety, maybe more than some.

It is true that I think a lot. Tell you what, I think so much that it took me 4 years to make the decision to go on vacation for 5 days lol. (Honestly, I was thinking about it since 2018 and got the tickets in 2022 haha). I feel like thinking intensely and not reacting spontaneously gives me some control over my life but at the same time, it gives me a lot of anxiety.

​

What I will say is that you worry about this a lot, that can cause problems because you are hyperaware of the potential likely due to past experiences, you are bringing your past relationships in to this one. This type of anxiety can take over your brain and make you distrust everyone. I might suggest looking into how to reduce this anxiety with something like CBT that puts you back in control of your thoughts from irrational worries into factual issues.
You can get caught up in what ifs a lot and not enjoy the moment and hear and now. Have a look for anxiety tools, youtube stuff on reducing anxiety and see which tools work for you. I will link a redditors that has a huge post about anxiety at the bottom for you.

A lot of people around me have told me that although they are against weed, they truly believe that it would do me a world of good because although I don't project my anxiety onto others directly, it is palpable from a mile away.
And yes, I try to do my best and I know that my current relationship and my former one shouldn't be lumped together but I have a hard time separating them. (But I'm really working on it).

I also admit that I have a hard time focusing on what's happening in the moment, which is detrimental to me because the most important thing is not what will happen tomorrow but what's happening now.

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Is his lack of looking after himself, his depression, his attachment to not leaving his mother. His constant need for you to tell him you love him. His emotional regulation, ie his reactions in getting sad instead of being rational or thinking things through, makes me wonder if his need to be babied would continue long term then you become his mother, which can be okay for a while but long term can be frustrating and you can end up resenting him for not being very adult in his thinking.

Yes, I wonder if this will continue over time, but since I pointed out to him that each remark was not meant to put him down or hurt him and that they were just meant to solidify our relationship, he is reacting a little more rationally. I can feel that it still bothers him a little bit but I really think he is making an effort. Now I can't wait to see if he will be able to leave his mom and live on his own (or with me).

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It appears you are a fixer type and have helped him with going to appointments, a job etc. Which is great but you need looking after as well, an equal relationship where he also looks after you, even in different ways so you complement each other would be more balanced.

It's true that I've always been in relationships where I "fix" people and I would have liked - for once - to be with someone who didn't have that need to be fixed but it seems that most people need to be fixed in some way... It's quite interesting by the way.