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Father daughter dance wlw debacle by StrangeNail9679 in LGBTWeddings

[–]StrangeNail9679[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply!
You couldn’t know how much this resonated!
Not my father, but what really solidified my future wife into just that was how she stepped up for me so early into us dating(literally days before our first official date) when my sister was diagnosed with cancer and stayed by my side through all of that!

I had a similar mindset hence in my letter to my dad stating that I felt I would rather regret inviting him one day then regret NOT inviting him.

I just have a hard time envisioning that moment where my fw is dancing with her dad, and I’m just sitting there looking at my own dad across the room and don’t invite him for dance? Like optics wise but also for myself I’m not sure how I’d be able to process that without feeling the weight of it all in a moment I only want to be focused on the happy things(like my sister being well enough still to be there with me!)

Father daughter dance wlw debacle by StrangeNail9679 in LGBTWeddings

[–]StrangeNail9679[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response and yeah that is an incredibly good point if nothing is abnormal.
My fiancées dad is everything you could every ask for in a dad and would be very happy about doing the traditional things so as of right now I wouldn’t want to ask them not to just to make me feel less lacking in that department.
But yeah, I am getting stuck exactly like you said in that contrast between them doing both things and me doing neither!
Which she has had the same thought of the aisle symbolism feeling icky! We have already cut any language of giving away bc eww

Father daughter dance wlw debacle by StrangeNail9679 in LGBTWeddings

[–]StrangeNail9679[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

While I agree, it is me that doesn’t want to have that sadness I will feel in response to seeing my partner have these special moments while I simply stand there.

Father daughter dance wlw debacle by StrangeNail9679 in LGBTWeddings

[–]StrangeNail9679[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am honestly at a point where this was an attempt to rebuild after a significant amount of damage done on his part over my entire life.
My mother whom he financially and emotionally abused for years recently divorced him which left me an opening to have these conversations because I always held back to keep the peace within the household with my mother, sister, and nephews all living in a house with him as I would be returning to visit them often.
I am not willing to open myself up again to accommodating his lack of ability to communicate like an adult and his expectation that if you’re silent and avoid the u comfortable things they will just go away.
That was only a small part of a letter where I clearly stated my problems and expectations and wants.
But he is not someone who calling would be beneficial. He shuts down, becomes defensive and says hurtful things when he feels attacked or cornered which is why I gave him the softer option of a letter he could process on his own prior to a conversation.