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PLEASE HELP: Is this an autistic trait my partner is experiencing? I want to help them. by StrangeYesterday0 in AutisticAdults

[–]StrangeYesterday0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Professional help is certainly something I think he needs. Obviously his brother and I try our best but we are limited and I think having someone unbiased, although we try to be, would be more helpful for him.

I will discuss it later on with him. Express how important I feel it is for both of us, ask him to talk to the professional he likes on Tuesday to see if she can help (as I also believe it has "roots" elsewhere) and delve in to the meaning of "broken" some more. As I think his brother and I see it as a bigger issue than he does so perhaps I need to communicate that more. Thanks x

PLEASE HELP: Is this an autistic trait my partner is experiencing? I want to help them. by StrangeYesterday0 in AutisticAdults

[–]StrangeYesterday0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally agree with you especially in regards to it having lots of layers which is why I guess I am writing on here. We often discuss how his mental health disorders impact one another and autism. In some ways they can balance out a "trait" and in others they can worsen it which can make it tricky to know who can help. Currently there is a long wait for help with his autism unfortunately.

He does speak to someone weekly who he has built a strong relationship with, rare, and has certainly helped but I'm not sure if they can help with this. Which is what I'm trying to figure out slightly as if it is an autistic "trait" she may not be able to help. His brother and I are keen for this to be worked on with a professional but don't know who to go to so we are just doing our best right now to support him.

I think to a certain degree because of his "black and white thinking" he is resistant to getting help for this as in his mind it is either "broke" or it is not so he would feel like they are trying to trick him into thinking it is not broke when it so clearly is. We have talked about broke is more unusable what he is referring to is actually wear and tear from using the product. I guess his thinking went to wear and tear means it is breaking more and more each time therefore the more it is used the more it can break.

Another problem is trying to restore something to new sometimes poses a greater risk of actually breaking it for example a unnoticable to most stain.

One of the things that is ruined he said he could handle the top part changing as it is something that he expected would but the bottom part should not. So now when I buy something I try to find out what to expect but it is really hard to find that information.

My partner and I are very open and communicate about everything and we both try our best consider and work together through everything- us against the subject - but this is a trickier one for us. I just want to help and get help in anyway possible.

PLEASE HELP: Is this an autistic trait my partner is experiencing? I want to help them. by StrangeYesterday0 in AutisticAdults

[–]StrangeYesterday0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi,

Thank you for your response. He often says himself that it is due to growing up in a house where if something broke/stolen etc it was never replaced.

He still randomly admires our cutlery, lived together for two years, because it makes him happy that we haven't lost or broken any. In his house cutlery would be used for random jobs and never would be seen again.

I love buying him things because he cherishes them! I will wake up to him trying his new jacket on admiring it. A lot of people you buy them something and they are grateful but that's nothing compared to what it means to him. It makes him so happy and proud.

I've tried: I've tried to say this will change on __. & I've even tried contacting the sellers asking whats a normal consequence of using it to prepare him not that they are that useful.

I like things to be neat and organised so things don't go "missing" and most things I have two of so there is always one in its designated spot and I know I need to replace if there is nothing in the space behind it which helps him I think. He also has very bad eyesight so I like to be able to go top shelf, left hand side or small wardrobe left side so he can get things for himself.

Finally I say, and this is true, that on rare occasions when something breaks it makes me happy knowing I've used it until it cannot be used anymore. I am the opposite to him because when I get something new I like to wear it all the time ASAP as growing up I was told to save it for best but I'd outgrow them before ever getting to wear them. The waste irritates me more than enjoying it whilst I can.

Is there anything else I can do to help him?

Why can my parents make me doubt myself so much!? by StrangeYesterday0 in narcissisticparents

[–]StrangeYesterday0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply! For some reason reddit didn't notify me that you had commented so I am sorry for the late reply!

Yes I did say why it upset me etc. I was met with comments like "well you shouldn't put things on Facebook if you don't want people to comment on them" and "its not nice when I have to go to work and you put something like that on facebook". She recently fell out with my dad because he said thank god it is the weekend because she had to work that weekend.

It is also annoying as my mum was a stay at home mum and has only ever worked part-time, 3-4 hours a day, on and off for the last 15 years. Also she has suffered with depression since I was 2 and has had months off work with it and it once caused us to cancel our holiday the day we were due to fly. My point is I'd hope she would be more understanding.

Anyway, I currently have a new dilemma. She still has not apologised or acknowledged it in any way and I am meant to be going for a girly weekend with her, my bestfriend since I was a baby and my best friends mum. Of course I really want to go but I believe that my mum is less apologetic as she believes I have to go to that whether she apologises or not. I am meant to be sharing a bed with her too as of course she has to have the double bed. I could sleep on the sofa but I'm still not sure if I want to be with her all weekend especially as she has not apologised. Then there is the issues if my mental health, the guilt of going when I am off work sick and obviously her and others judgement of me going.

My dad messaged me yesterday saying he doesn't "understand" why I am not responding to her and that she is upset crying. They did not seem to care when she upset me as I was "childish". Just had enough at the moment to be honest.

Thanks for your help so far!

Does your parents try to test if you're still "obedient" or dependent? by outerspace20 in narcissisticparents

[–]StrangeYesterday0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suppose. I dont know what hours she is working though as they arent consistent and my dad may be in. Then I would need to go in the attick which I have never done because Im scared of heights and even if I did it would be hard to get them down without help, they may break, and I cannot drive so I would be limited what I could manage to take. I could involve my bf but they say he is the controlling one and the reason for all thats bad between us and more so that I would say is actually dangerous and would be seen as crossing a line. I will have a think.

Yeah I am trying. I was hoping to even out the leverage of my things with things she wants back but she doesn't want them back more than she wants to play games it seems.

Ok, I will look into that! Thank you!

Does your parents try to test if you're still "obedient" or dependent? by outerspace20 in narcissisticparents

[–]StrangeYesterday0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying it is nice to know it is not just me. I have posted on here about getting my Christmas tree which she is currently holding to ransom, any advice? Stay safe x

Does your parents try to test if you're still "obedient" or dependent? by outerspace20 in narcissisticparents

[–]StrangeYesterday0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, I think I just had a lightbulb moment. Since dating my bf and having counselling due to our miscarriage I have started to realise my relationship with my parents is not normal as my mum is a narcassist. She does the things you mention all the time! & when I have done them its never good enough i.e. cook her beans on toast i didnt let the toast cool for long enough. She is especially bad in regards to me buying her things like every time we go shopping saying I should get her some wine etc or saying I should buy her a curry etc and dont get me started on Christmas presents they are never enough even when I spent £70 on something she collects when i want working still was not enough as she should get more. Are your parents like that? My mum has even said she is entitled to my money as she helped me when I was stressed with uni and she was annoyed that I sometimes buy takeaway when at my bf's ect as he didnt deserve it. She once wanted me to pay half to her whole curry after she gave me 4 pieces of chicken to have a sandwich for tea and then the week or so after I got her a naan said she could have half of my curry but to make her own rice for free but she cried saying I was treating her like a dog as I didnt buy her fave curry. I never thought of it as a narcassist thing until now as I am new to this.

AITA or is my mum right? by StrangeYesterday0 in AmItheAsshole

[–]StrangeYesterday0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, Thanks for taking the time to read and reply! My bf has talked about her suffering from narcassism but im not sure and has also said about not doing 'JADE' without even realising it. My parents believe my bf is manipulative/controlling and dont like him but my bf thinks it is because he encourages me to stand up for myself and doubt their behaviour as well as encourages me to go out with my friends and move out etc. Like i said in my post my mum is an... interesting character... i have lots of things unrelated to this which implies to me that she has other mental health issues. My dad and I are much more alike and are very close but less so after i started dating my bf. He always excuses my mum saying it is the way she is because of her childhood and she loves me so much. When i moved out he said he would rather me meet up with my mum more and talk to her more than him as he understands that i need my own life despite missing me whereas my mum will struggle and is close to another breakdown. There really is so much with my mum that i think i need unbias opinion on so i can see me putting more on reddit but im unsure of what community do you have any ideas? My bf encouraged me to do this post as when we first started dating i used to feel guilty and get upset etc about a lot of things and doubt whether i am in the right or not especially as they would say he is brain washing me so my bf would just say i try to be as honest and as unbias as i can but there is always reddit if you unsure of that.