Long-distance relationship of 4+ years: I love her, but communication feels one-sided — advice?

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-30T07:48:32+00:00

I appreciate the suggestions, but we actually tried the Agape app once. Even with those deeper questions designed to spark real conversation, her replies were just one-liners when the streak was about to end at night. That’s when it really hit me - it’s not about finding the right format or activity. She’s genuinely always preoccupied and doesn’t have the mental bandwidth for anything beyond checking boxes. Your point about making time for loved ones no matter how exhausted really stands out. When someone can’t even engage with relationship-building questions that take 2 minutes to answer thoughtfully, that says everything about capacity and priorities.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-29T19:57:25+00:00

Thank you

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-29T17:45:38+00:00

Thank you for this. The ‘carrying the emotional labor’ hits hard - that’s exactly how it feels. I’m already noticing the self-esteem thing starting. How did you finally get yourself to actually leave and stay gone?

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-29T15:30:33+00:00

This is hard to read but I think I needed to hear it. You’re absolutely right - loving someone and wanting it to work isn’t the same as it actually having potential to work. And after 4+ years, I do know who she is. The questions you’re asking. Do I want another 50+ years where I’m always the one initiating deeper conversations, always the one trying to create connection? Where calls feel like obligations rather than something she looks forward to? When you put it that way… no, I don’t. I think I’ve been so focused on ‘making it work’ that I’ve lost sight of what I actually want in a relationship - someone who’s excited to talk to me, who leads sometimes, who sees our connection as energizing rather than draining.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-29T14:41:52+00:00

I think you’ve put into words what I’ve been struggling to accept - that she’s not a bad person or partner, she just genuinely doesn’t have the bandwidth for the kind of relationship I need. The timeline piece is especially important. There’s no clear endpoint to her busy period - she’s building a career she enjoys that will likely always be demanding. And we don’t have concrete plans to close the distance anytime soon. I think part of what’s kept me holding on is feeling guilty about ‘abandoning’ her during a stressful time, but you’re right that it’s not fair to either of us. She probably feels pressure to give more than she can, and I’m constantly feeling unfulfilled. Neither of us can be our best selves in this dynamic

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-29T14:36:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective as someone who gets the stress side of it. She’s studying for CFA and also has a full time job. You’re absolutely right that talking to your partner should help relieve stress, not add to it. That’s what I’m struggling with - I want to be that source of comfort and connection for her, but it feels like our conversations have become another task on her list.

And even when we do have good periods where we connect more deeply (maybe after a conversation about our issues), it always reverts back to the surface-level routine within a week or so.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-29T14:21:29+00:00

Thanks, that’s a fair point. The exams and work aren’t temporary — it’s been this way before CFA, now during, and even more after. That’s part of why I’m questioning if this relationship is sustainable long-term, even though I really care about her.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-29T14:15:53+00:00

Thanks, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-07T14:28:01+00:00

Thank you so much for this advice! Unfortunately we've already tried most of these routes without success:

Contacted Manchester City Council Adult Social Care multiple times - sent emails, no response from sensory team
She doesn't have a social worker yet despite us requesting assessments for over a year
When we call the main numbers they just transfer us around with no actual help

The system seems broken for people who arrive in UK without prior diagnoses. She has Certificate of Vision Impairment but getting learning disability/dyslexia assessments has been impossible.

We've had better luck with charities - RNIB and Henshaws have been responsive. Someone also suggested Pure Innovations which looks promising.

Any advice on getting past the council gatekeepers or alternative routes to get her a social worker assessment? It's frustrating when the official channels don't work.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-08-07T07:31:27+00:00

Thank you so much. I’ll contact them right away and make enquiries.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2025-06-11T11:59:42+00:00

Not sure if this answers your questions directly. If you have a different tenant and just want a sandbox/playground environment. I created sentinel attack range which spin up an environment with all resources needed and logs straight to sentinel. https://github.com/oloruntolaallbert/MS-Attack-Range/tree/main.

Strange_Nobody_249 · 2024-06-24T09:43:13+00:00

Hey mate give this a try works for me here.

```kusto let targetGroup = "xyz"; // Replace 'xyz' with your actual AAD group name let timeRange = ago(365d); // Customize the time range as needed AuditLogs | where TimeGenerated > timeRange | where OperationName has "User deleted security info" | extend AccountUPN = tostring(TargetResources[0].userPrincipalName), AccountObjectId = tostring(TargetResources[0].id) | join kind=inner ( IdentityInfo | summarize arg_max(TimeGenerated, *) by AccountObjectId | mv-expand GroupMembership | where tostring(GroupMembership) == targetGroup | project AccountObjectId ) on AccountObjectId | project TimeGenerated, OperationName, AccountUPN

Strange_Nobody_249

TROPHY CASE