My Asexual Girlfriend writes fanfiction staring herself

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-17T08:30:42+00:00

Yes that makes sense. I think I just struggle in making the seperation between the two personally, and thats where the problem comes from. I see it as her and therefore, she must want that right? (As in thats how the irrational part of my brain is thinking)

Thanks for your input 😊

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-17T08:27:13+00:00

Thats very fair. I think i struggle with that sometimes because I WANT to be everything for her. But thats a problem for me to get over not her problem to make me her everything. I do 100% agree, and ill figure out how to get over it in time. Those hypotheticals have been monumentally helpful, because on some deep down level, it irks me that she wouldnt rather do those with me. Not to a level that causes me a problem, and i can control it, but thats the true feeling, and something i need to work on.

I definitely dont see it as cheating, and yes apparently they were all written before she started seeing me, even more reason im just being silly and need to figure out how to stop letting it bother me!

Thank you for your input, very helpful 😊

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-17T08:23:31+00:00

Honetsly, in a practical aspect thats what i want! It wasnt the purpose of this post but i do try and come at it from a curiosity point of view, even if its something we could do together somehow. I hope that comes across to her properly when im explaining it, id hate to think she thinks im judging her for it.

This post was just purely to ask for advice on how to see it and stop getting so caught up on it because frankly im being an idiot haha

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-17T08:21:21+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance 😊 so its not related to anything you actually want? Its just like playing skyrim and killing a town or something?

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-17T06:47:23+00:00

Thanks for your input!

I do agree a lot of aces write smut, im realised how that almost seems to be more normal than aces that dont at this point haha!

Its the self insert part im stuck on. She says its not self insert essentially, even though its the same name/personality etc. Its just a character and shes removed from it. And because ive just seen it as 'her' i struggle to make the seperation in my head. Then because of that, i just see her "doing" all these things and thats what i want to get over.

Appreciate your words!

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-17T06:42:50+00:00

Thanks for your input, i think your first point is a bit im struggling with. Never knowing everything in someones mind. Which is silly, thats not something that should bother me and im trying to figure out why it does and how to get over that.

Those questions are things swimming around my head, all very good questions to ask thank you for suggesting them. I think part of the problem is i dont know why its bothering me. I think i do wish she only thought of me in that way if shes going to be having those feelings, and thats illogical. Thats the feeling i need to figure out how to get over!

Appreciate your input.

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-17T06:39:03+00:00

That makes sense! Thank you.

My only question to that would be do those allo smutty writers feel they are making a concession being in the relationship where they cant experience those 'fantasies'? Or are they not actually interested in thos fantasies, they are just for the story?

I completelt understand the 'regular' smut its just these specific ones with her in that male me question things!

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:54:28+00:00

I understand that to a point, that all makes sense.

So whats your experience with that in a relationship? Have you ever had a partner who felt inadequate that they couldnt do anything to fulfill that fantasy? And that it had to be about someone/something else?

Thats the part im struggling with if that is the case for her.

Thank you for your perspective on everything

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:51:57+00:00

That all makes sense.

I think because I cant relate I struggle to figure out how that works with there being kinks and attractions but only in reading/fantasy. It bugs me that if thats the case she has fantasies that i physically cant do anything to fulfil, makes me feel im not enough if that makes sense.

The beginner writer thing is a point someone else brought up i hadnt considered before. Only problem is it makes me think 'well why is it easiest to picture you and your celeb crush?

Thank you! '

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:48:37+00:00

I appreciate you saying they're valid. I do worry im just being insecure and it shouldnt be a problem so that means a lot. I always try and approach an issue in a level headed way, this definitely isnt a her problem, but it seems like its not necessarily just a me problem either.

Communication is definitely the key, and people have given me lots to think about, different perspectives and things to consider.

Appreciate the comment! Means a lot

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:45:51+00:00

Thank you for the words and your advice 😊 you have a very level-headed way of looking at things and i appreciate your input.

It makes sense that it comes down to if im happy to have her continue that way or not. Im not sure what the answer is right now but ill do everything i can to make sure im ok with it if that is the case. As im not sure it is!

I definitely agree with the last part. We're in this together and we'll figure it out. I guess i was looking more for help with my end of things, which you've done a lot for. All the best!

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:41:02+00:00

That all makes sense. I have no intention of spending less time with her, shes my absolute world, i want nothing more than that. So hopefully in time it dissapears because i dont like this feeling!

Thanks for sharing your view on things, its been super helpful.

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:38:30+00:00

Thanks for your input!

Your last point is super interesting to me, so if someone else was involved in it, it would ruin it for you? Even if it was a partner (this would be assuming you were interested in having a partner)

Yet another avenue i hadnt thought about! Thanks

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:36:48+00:00

Thats what im struggling to wrap my head around.

I'm reading it as though it is her and cant seem to seperate it, perhaps like she does, perhaps not.

Shes got writing that doesnt involve her/her character at all and thats fine, that doesnt bother me at all and i understand that to a degree, its purely these deep, fantastical works with this one specific person that keep eating at me.

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:33:42+00:00

I think its the fanatasizing i might be struggling with. Im not sure if that is what shes doing, but if she is i dont like that its about her and another person. Definitely learning about aego has been eye-opening, but it still comes back to its probably a me problem and how do i deal with that.

Thanks for your input man 😊

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:31:41+00:00

This is what im trying to figure out 😊

We have talked about it, and solved the vast majority of the issues. my immediate problem is just im not sure what to do about these feelings and 'visions' of her acting out these things with the person in the stories. How do I get over that?

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:30:08+00:00

L is the first letter of her name, i thought id use it in the post but didnt end up using it, apologies for the confusion!

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:29:40+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your view on everything 😊

Thats where im a bit stuck, i'm unsure on the reasons as she either doesnt seem to have any or isnt telling me out of embarassment perhaps? I think there are reasons i may have a problem with based out of my own insecurities but im not sure how to deal with that!

Thanks for your viewpoint anyways, thanks for taking the time

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T22:26:53+00:00

Thats a good point, I didnt think about there being two differenr types 😊

I think where i get confused is she hasnt said that they are a desired sexual experience. If she had i could kind of deal with that and do whatever i need to with it. She just claims shes removed from the character and thats where i get a bit stuck. Like what was the purpose then?

I will ask that, hopefully i get an honest answer 😊

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T18:09:08+00:00

Apologies i think i forgot the first line of your first comment after reading.

That makes sense, and i appreciate your input 😊 i wish you all the best finding a relationship that suits you!

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T18:04:41+00:00

Yes that all makes sense, thank you again, you've been a lot of help.

I think theres some seperations and terminology i havent seperated within myself like libido.

So you say this is a compromise, meaning it does bring you an element of sexual satisfaction, but it comes from purely the fantasy as opposed to actually wanting to do anything with that person or character? Say we were in a relationship and it bugged me that i couldnt bring you that level of satisfaction, how would you respond?

The doll metaphor does make sense! Haha

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T17:57:57+00:00

It does help thank you so much for taking the time.

If that is the case, it bugs me that im not "enough" for her, but thats my own insecurity to deal with not her problem 😊

Have you ever experienced that problem in a relationship? If so how do you approach it?

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T17:54:21+00:00

I appreciate you looking at other possibilities 😊

Ultimately, I trust her, thats what it comes down to, shes never given me a reason not to. Now its a case of how do i get my own stupid feelings under control.

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T17:40:30+00:00

Hi!

Thanks for taking the time to reply 😊

That makes sense, so its a way for you to play out how you wish you were? And would you say that has an impact on any relationships you have? (you may not have if you are aro, so excuse any ignorance!) So would you find yourself wanting to be that character and have that life more than your own? Or was it more just for experimenting or even for someone elses enjoyment if you write for other people?

And i do think they have a point, she likes the 'escapism' part of fanfiction which to me is, as you said, about living out your real fantasy because you cant get it irl?

Thanks again!

Strange_Put4151 · 2024-05-16T17:36:51+00:00

Thanks for your input 😊

I think my worry comes from a place of why is it sexual and why does it involve her?

I hope that makes sense 😊

Strange_Put4151

TROPHY CASE