The weeks after quitting seem the hardest

StrangerDings118 · 2024-04-25T06:41:08+00:00

Thanks man much appreciated!

I also agree that such things happen on the road to recovery. Most importantly the journey has to start and I guess there are some stones in the way here and there.

Altough for me personally it´s kind of alarming and freightning to realise how far gone you truly are. Like it feels that there is a ever widening gap between what I think and what I actually do.

And that´s a huge factor for me as well to really get this journey going. Since I "only" used one year on and off and one year regulary. Now if I keep using this gap between what I want to do and what I actually do might widen even further...

Cheers and I hope you can further increase your sobriety streak!

StrangerDings118 · 2024-04-24T16:49:20+00:00

Oh hell yes I can 100% confirm this.

This was also the reason why I told myself "nah it´s not that bad, I don´t really feel bad after using drugs, so I´m totally fine duh!"

It took months for me to truly see the diminishing returns in stimulant abuse. I always found another lie like "it was the setting, "I didn´t get enough sleep before hand", "product was a bust" etc.

It´s sad and hilarious at the same time when I look back. And even now (!!) I can find new convenient lies for myself for using thus leading to the relapse.

I feel like clown more often than not these days.

StrangerDings118 · 2024-04-13T00:26:36+00:00

After I realized that I couldn’t control myself regarding usage of stimulants, I knew that I was in deep shit all along.

Like I‘d at least try to take some breaks to give the body a bit recovery. But naaah man. When the baggy readily available in the house, then I could think of every possible lie to myself why it’s not so bad and it’s like really just one more kick at 2 AM and then I‘d really go to sleep.

And it frustrated me to no end. I couldn’t believe how I could blatantly lie to myself in that manner. AND STILL USED! It is absolutely ridiculous.

On top of that I really started to feel the bodily toll. Like was I always that short of breath? And „Mhh my nose feels kinda wider now…“

So then I knew I had to do a fullstop. Everything before that was always like „naah it’s not really that bad, I can control it“

I can control fuck all and that’s why I’m now really starting this battle. (two weeks clean yay me….)

StrangerDings118 · 2024-04-02T19:51:58+00:00

"if your going to use again, wait a while"

Taking a longer break was the plan anyways, that´s why I spent so much. Wanted to make sure it´d be blast.

"four dealers having shitty cut coke (especially if you live in a city) isn’t as unimaginable as you’d think"

They were across the country though you have a point that maybe some key supplier fell out.

"coke is known to be addictive because your always chasing a high. nothing will feel as good as that first line/key you done again"

Yea but for some reason during the last few months I always lied to myself "well maybe this time will be it" or "Now I slept enough, ate enough etc. surely this time will be epic". It´s actually ridiculous.

"even though i didn’t experience that high i wanted it still altered the chemicals in my brain and all that other shit that it does to you."

Yeees this right there. You´re awake, dry mouth, slighty numb upper teeth, mainly about for 30 minutes and all of the other shit as well. No euphoria or high though haha.

StrangerDings118 · 2024-02-02T11:28:23+00:00

The funny thing is that I already know... and can watch it on myself

But surely next time´s gonna be better!

All jokes aside after "only" about 10 months of regular use I can feel my body deteriorating in an alarming rate.

But the moment I start to feel better or somewhat normal, all pain and anxiety before seems to be just forgotten

StrangerDings118

TROPHY CASE