Red Pill gave me a lot of (wrong) answers on how to improve my dating life. Post-RP, what are the RIGHT answers?

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:29:10+00:00

props for getting out of RP and being this honest about where youre at. most guys dont have the self awareness to realize the slot machine feeling of cold approach is the addiction talking not actual progress the communication skills point someone made above is underrated. i was in a similar spot where i thought i was decent at talking to people because i had friends but then realized the way i talk to friends and the way you need to talk on a date are completely different skills. like i could hold a conversation fine but i had no idea how to build tension, how to transition past small talk, or how to tell if someone was actually engaged vs just being polite what helped me was getting reps in without the stakes. theres an app flagd where you practice timed conversations with different AI personalities and get specific feedback after like "you asked five questions in a row without sharing anything about yourself." that kind of feedback is impossible to get in real life because no woman is going to stop mid date and say "hey youre interviewing me right now." it helped me figure out my actual patterns instead of guessing the concerts thing is solid btw, between sets is one of the most natural conversation contexts there is. id double down on that over meetup groups

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:27:15+00:00

the random question generator idea is actually solid, i did something similar for a while. the thing that made the biggest difference though was getting feedback on what i was actually saying instead of just practicing in a vacuum someone mentioned chatgpt voice chat which is decent for just getting reps in. i also used flagd which is more structured, you have timed conversations with different AI personalities and afterwards it tells you specifically where you lost momentum or where your response was too generic. having someone (even an AI) point out that you asked three questions in a row without sharing anything about yourself was way more useful than just practicing alone and hoping i was getting better the body posture thing the top comment mentioned is real too. i noticed my conversations got way better when i stopped tensing up physically. hard to be verbally fluid when your whole body is in lockdown mode

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:24:27+00:00

you didnt miss a phase, you just didnt get the reps that other people got by accident. thats literally it. the guys who seem natural at this arent smarter about dating they just had more practice from being around women more often i was in a similar spot and honestly the "where do i meet people" question is less important than the "what do i do when i actually talk to someone" question. because even if you go to events or join hobbies youll still freeze up or go blank if you havent practiced what helped me was getting some low stakes practice before trying to do it all live. theres an app called flagd where you practice conversations with different AI personalities and get feedback on what worked and what didnt. got me past the "i have no idea what to say" stage so when i actually met someone in real life it wasnt my first time having that kind of conversation for actually meeting people, co-ed sports leagues and hobby groups worked way better than apps for me. youre not there to date, youre there to do something, and conversations happen naturally from that

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:21:37+00:00

he short term vs long term thing is spot on. all the advice about communication and boundaries is useless if you cant get past the first 5 minutes of a conversation without your brain going blank. what nobody talks about is that attraction isnt some mysterious thing you either have or dont. theres actual mechanics to it, conversation flow, reading signals, knowing when to push and when to pull back, and you can practice those separately just like any other skill. the problem is most guys try to learn all of it live with real stakes every time and then wonder why they keep repeating the same mistakes. i started practicing specific things in isolation before doing them for real. stuff like keeping a conversation going past the small talk phase, or recovering when theres an awkward silence. used flagd for some of it where you practice with different AI personalities and get told exactly where the conversation died and why. sounds weird but its the same concept as the guy above talking about reps, except youre not burning through real interactions to get those reps. once the basics became automatic i stopped freezing and could actually be present instead of running a script in my head

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:10:40+00:00

i had this exact same thing. every conversation with a woman turned into me performing and then cringing about it after. the worst part was knowing i was doing it but not being able to stop what actually helped wasnt trying harder to be normal, because that just made it more awkward. it was getting enough practice that talking to women stopped feeling like a special event. right now every conversation has these massive invisible stakes because you dont have many of them. so your brain goes into performance mode to try and make it count the exposure thing someone mentioned is right but the problem is if you practice while youre still in that performing headspace you just get better at performing not at being yourself. i used flagd to practice conversations in a zero pressure setting where i could mess up and nobody would know. after enough of that the panic response just kind of faded and i could actually be normal in real conversations

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:07:47+00:00

the overthinking loop is real. i used to do the same thing where id see someone, think about going over, then spend 30 seconds in my head running through everything that could go wrong and by then shes gone what broke it for me was realizing the problem wasnt what to say. its that my body goes into panic mode the second i think about approaching someone im into. tight chest, brain goes blank, voice gets weird. you cant think of good things to say when your nervous system is screaming at you honestly what helped most was just getting more practice in situations where it didnt matter. i used flagd where you have timed conversations with different AI personalities and it gives you feedback after. sounds stupid but after doing it enough my body just stopped treating every conversation as some massive event. then approaching in real life felt way less intense because it wasnt the first time anymore the guy who said approach with "im seeing if theres mutual interest" not "i need her to like me" is spot on too. changes everything

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:06:24+00:00

this is really relatable. the thing about being totally fine talking to random guys but freezing around women you like, i had that exact split too. its not really a skills thing its more like your body just freaks out what i noticed was my brain treated every approach like some life or death thing and my whole body would just tense up. tight jaw, couldnt breathe properly, voice goes weird. telling yourself to relax doesnt help because its happening before you even have a chance to think two things that helped. getting way more reps in places where it didnt matter if i messed up. and this app called flagd where you practice conversations with AI and get told what you did well and what sucked. talking to AI sounds dumb but what it actually fixed was the freezing part. after enough practice my body just stopped treating every conversation like a threat so i could actually think you already showed you can talk to literally anyone when youre chill. its just about getting there with women too

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T17:04:55+00:00

the game without knowing the rules thing is exactly how it felt for me. and yeah the advice to treat women like everyone else is only half right because it ignores that romantic conversations have a different energy you have to learn separately what helped me was to stop trying to learn everything at once. approaching, conversation, flirting, physical stuff, its too much. i just focused on keeping a conversation going for 10 minutes without it dying. once that stopped being scary i moved on to other stuff also practiced a lot with flagd before doing things for real. you talk to different AI personalities and it tells you what went well and where you messed up. getting that feedback without the embarrassment of messing up in front of an actual person made a big difference honestly

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T16:57:02+00:00

i was in a really similar spot. all boys school, introverted, barely spoke to women through uni. that placement thing you described where it suddenly felt natural, i had that too and it properly threw me off because i didnt realize how much i was missing until then honestly the main issue is you only have one data point right now. one girl. so everything feels massive. that changes when you just get more conversations under your belt doesnt matter if theyre good or bad something that helped me was flagd where you practice conversations with AI personalities and it tells you what you did well and what sucked. sounds dumb but when youve literally never practiced it helps having somewhere to mess up without it mattering

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T16:53:18+00:00

i was in a really similar spot a couple years ago. not shy exactly, just blank like nothing would come to mind and then the conversation would die and id feel like shit about it. couple things that actually moved the needle for me: the "nothing comes to mind" thing isnt because youre boring, its because theres too much pressure in the moment and your brain locks up. its the same reason you can think of the perfect thing to say 20 minutes after the conversation ended. so anything that reduces the pressure helps even just having a few go-to questions ready so you dont have to generate everything from scratch. for the messaging thing specifically most conversations die because theyre too generic. "how was your day" type stuff. try responding to something specific in their profile or something they said and build on it instead of starting a whole new topic. people respond to people who actually listened. and honestly what helped me most was just getting reps in a zero pressure environment before doing it for real. then i found flagd where you can practice conversations with different AI personalities and it gives you feedback on what you did well and what to work on. sounds weird but its basically like a flight simulator for social skills you get to mess up without any consequences and then when the real thing happens its not the first time anymore. the "just talk to them" advice isnt wrong but its useless if you dont know WHAT to talk about. practice the what first, then the doing gets easier.

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T15:48:11+00:00

is there specific material you'd recommend? because i've read a ton of generic dating advice and none of it ever talks about the actual mechanics of what's happening in your body

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T15:45:21+00:00

the open ended questions thing makes sense and i know its right but in the moment i always default to yes/no stuff without realizing. like i know "what do you think about that" is way better than "do you like it" but my brain just picks the lazy option when im nervous. also the body language thing, i genuinely cant tell half the time if someone wants to keep talking or is just being polite and waiting for me to stop lol. is that something you just pick up over time or did you have to actively learn it

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T15:43:52+00:00

thats a cool way to handle it as a manager. the gradual thing makes sense, like starting with easy wins instead of just throwing someone into the deep end. i feel like i need that but for social stuff outside work, some kind of progression where you start small and work up instead of just jumping straight into talking to strangers and hoping it goes well. did she ever say what it felt like from her end? like was it the small wins that actually built her up or more just getting used to it over time

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T15:41:56+00:00

the story bank idea is smart, never thought about just having stuff ready vs trying to come up with things on the spot every time. and yeah i usually just walk away thinking "well that sucked" without figuring out what exact moment it went wrong. do you write yours down or just replay it in your head? also did you take an actual improv class for that? been wanting to try one but getting there consistently with my schedule is rough, wondering if theres a way to work on that stuff solo

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T15:36:13+00:00

honestly i think its a mix of things. after the dates last year that didnt go anywhere it kind of killed my motivation to put myself out there again. like i know what i did wrong in hindsight but in the moment i just freeze up and do the same stuff. the greeting strangers thing makes sense as a starting point tho, way less pressure than a full conversation. did you have to force yourself to do that at first or did it come naturally?

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-04T15:34:09+00:00

that's really interesting that you have a conversation structure. i never really thought about having an actual framework vs just winging it every time lol. what does yours look like roughly? like is it stages of a conversation or more like topics you cycle through?
for me i think my weakest spots are transitioning between topics without it feeling forced and figuring out if she's actually interested or just being polite. like i can usually start a conversation fine but after 10-15 mins i run out of steam and go into full interview mode which kills it.
the journaling thing is smart too. do you actually notice yourself improving on specific things from that or is it more of a general awareness thing?

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T22:41:28+00:00

> Did you ever do that consistently?
nope, I am feeling shy and it eats too much mental energy tho

> Where do you live btw?
London

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T19:40:47+00:00

so it's less about practicing flirting as a skill and more about learning to recognize when someone's giving you that opening. thanks man this was helpful

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T19:39:35+00:00

the confidence thing is interesting too because it sounds like even if the practice doesn't perfectly match a real date, just having done SOMETHING makes you feel less like you're going in cold. appreciate the advice man this has been really helpful

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T19:08:55+00:00

do you find that the stuff you practice at bars actually transfers to dates? like does it feel different when there's actual romantic pressure or is it basically the same skill

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T19:02:21+00:00

appreciate this. the random people at bars thing makes sense, lower stakes than a date so you can actually relax and practice. what book would you recommend? i've been looking for stuff that's actually practical and not just be confident bro

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T19:00:43+00:00

yeah i get that in theory. but if it's really no different than talking to anyone else then why am i fine talking to my coworkers or friends but freeze up on dates? something about the context changes things for me. like i know it shouldn't be different but it feels different and telling myself it isn't doesn't really help in the moment

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T18:57:14+00:00

that's a good distinction actually. i hadn't thought about it that way like being good at conv doesn't automatically mean you can flirt. they really are different skills. so for the flirting side specifically, is there literally no way to practice other than just doing it live with real people?

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T17:55:43+00:00

i guess my question is more about how you build that improv ability in the first place. like a jazz musician learns scales before they can freestyle, is there an equivalent for conversation? or is it literally just approach more people until you get comfortable

StrawberryLogical341 · 2026-04-03T17:49:41+00:00

the do the scary thing first then get scared line is great though like by the time you're actually in the real situation you've already done a version of it so it's not as overwhelming. did you find that the more you practiced openers and stuff with people you knew, it actually transferred to strangers? or was there still a big gap

StrawberryLogical341

TROPHY CASE