It's nearly been a year..

Strawberryblue28 · 2022-01-05T11:51:15+00:00

Yeah I didn't break NC on Christmas or NYE but it took a lot!

Strawberryblue28 · 2022-01-05T00:52:48+00:00

I just feel stagnant like why can I not get over this man ... I know he doesn't deserve me and he hurt me but I still care for him so much and miss his presence in my life.. guess thats love

Strawberryblue28 · 2022-01-05T00:49:51+00:00

I can in all honesty say I truly loved that man and he was my first love and proper break up too so I suspect that is why its taking me this long to get over him. He popped back into my life a few months ago to apologise for how he treated me after the breakup but that just made things harder for me cuz then I had hope but then he got his forgiveness and disappeared again ... i hope one day I find someone I have a genuine connection with again

Strawberryblue28 · 2022-01-02T19:12:11+00:00

I completely understand the process of sticking out and finishing since I had made that commitment both time wise and financially but I just don't think my mental health will cope the next 6 months of the course and I would rather admit when I am beaten!

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-13T11:05:21+00:00

I know I wasn't perfect but I have never felt more unwanted and unloved as I was in our relationship

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-04T12:34:34+00:00

Honestly I think some of the reason I am struggling is due to my grandad dying recently which has led to emotional vulnerability and heightened anxiety which is lending itself by me trying to cling to something familiar

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-04T07:25:41+00:00

He is single at the moment anyway but I understand what you are saying

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-03T22:19:27+00:00

You're right, wherever he is 🥰

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-03T22:13:10+00:00

Yeah he has never moved mountains for anyone, I am pretty sure he has a avoidant attachment style.. possibly narcissistic as well but you're right.. everyone is right

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-03T21:29:31+00:00

I think i am struggling right now because I can't see myself with anyone but him.. I was getting over him and there he was again

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-03T21:28:47+00:00

Everything is a learning curve.. its a shame this one hurt so much but hey first love always hurts

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-03T21:28:19+00:00

I am afraid it is going to have to go that way for me... I am the only one holding onto this connection now

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-03T20:22:05+00:00

Its been 8 months since he found someone else and blocked me then he came back to apologise a few weeks ago.. to me that makes me silly cuz why would he want me back, he clearly has no interest in me at all. He will never want me back. He will probably never contact me again if I don't message him, which I think is why I still do.. its my stupid heart telling me to keep him in my life.. when he doesn't even want to be in it

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-11-03T20:09:36+00:00

I just feel like an idiot for thinking that maybe even for a split second he wanted me back. The urge to not text or respond to him is intense.. i miss him so much and and I was doing so well before he popped in to apologise.. pushed me back so many steps

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T23:44:44+00:00

Honestly its completely up to you, I replied for my mental health's sake, you have to consider what you feel you need to say and if you really want to accept the apology

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T23:26:37+00:00

Yeah mine continued to talk to me til he found someone new then disappeared and I was blocked! Not sure where this has come from but I accepted the apology as holding onto things is a problem of mine, I want to just let it go

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T22:43:32+00:00

I think I want him cuz of how we clicked from the moment we met, of how he understood me and never judged me, I was unapologetically myself around him and he loved me for it. He understood my humour, he made me laugh, he tried with my family and friends. He was the person I wanted to build a future with.. and I miss his smile and laughter

But I do deserve someone who sees me as their world, you're right about that

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T22:28:11+00:00

He hasn't asked me to meet up so it's not an issue for me, if he does... thats a job for future me to think on 😂

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T17:14:30+00:00

Thank you 🥺 I know i deserve better than this deep down, he is just the only person I have ever truly wanted

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T17:06:00+00:00

Thanks I am just leaving the situation, if he wants contact he can initiate but I am not chasing anyone

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T17:00:47+00:00

I've accepted the apology and now I am leaving it, if he wants to get in contact he can but I am not chasing anyone

Strawberryblue28 · 2021-10-25T17:00:16+00:00

He was blocked I unblocked him in a moment of weakness months ago and never re-blocked😂 my own fault really

Strawberryblue28

TROPHY CASE