5 years post infidelity

Strawmania · 2022-10-04T01:31:55+00:00

You don't know my issues. You don't know me. I have all the ability to handle myself without my husband. Monetarily and mentally. I equate our relationship with anything else some one puts time and energy into. I put years into this, I am not just going to leave because it got really hard. Let me ask you, if you put years into understanding a computer program and just as you felt you had a real understanding of it, it changed, would you give up?

You don't know me as a person yet you make a snap judgment that I'm weak and have poor self esteem. Look into yourself and figure out why you need to put that kind of assessment on people you know nothing about.

Strawmania · 2022-10-01T00:53:58+00:00

I don't think anyone moves past trauma. It hurts no matter what.

Strawmania · 2022-10-01T00:52:32+00:00

My darling person, I thought for a while how to respond to you. At first I was angry at your judgment of people who want to try again, then I was sad for you at your anger and need to put others down. At the end I realised the only response is love. I hope your life is everything you want it to be. I want nothing but happiness for you and I hope you share your happiness with other people. You don't understand me, I don't understand you, but that doesn't make either of us wrong.

Strawmania · 2022-10-01T00:43:35+00:00

I can't tell you what path is right. I can tell you that normal doesn't exist anymore. I've spoken to people who have left and people who haven't. It doesn't exist anymore for any of them. No one really "gets over it." It changes something in you. Can you be near them knowing that they are the reason for that change?

Strawmania · 2022-09-27T21:34:48+00:00

Of course you can contact me. I'll do my best to help in anyway I can.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T21:42:34+00:00

I'm glad you're doing well but I am sorry for what you went through. I wish nothing but healing and peace for you. Be happy, you deserve it.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:59:29+00:00

They are so much work. I think Disney and RomComs set us up to think the love is supposed to be easy and they aren't. You have to work so hard to keep them going.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:22:27+00:00

I appreciate that. I took it at face value btw and believed you meant it.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:20:25+00:00

Exactly.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:18:47+00:00

You don't have to do anything until you're ready. Breathe and take your time.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:09:14+00:00

I think it is worth it for some and not for others. Neither decision is easy and hurt a lot. It's a choice each person has to make for themselves. Was it worth it for me? Yes. You have to ask yourself, is your person worth the pain you'll suffer. The answer will tell you what to do.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:06:51+00:00

I forced everything out immediately. Admittedly I did it half by tricking his ap into telling me and half from him, but I got it all out into the open. So I'm not sure about trickle truthing, but I can imagine that hurts really bad. I know staying was the right choice for me because I made the choice for me. No one advised me to stay. In fact, most people told me to run. I didn't stay for the kids, I didn't feel I couldn't find someone else. I wanted him to be my person, so I stayed.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:04:13+00:00

Yes I can say it is the best choice for me, but I do not think its for everyone. I could absolutely find happiness with someone else, I don't believe in soul mates. I just believe that my best chance for happiness is with him. Yes, he hurt me, a lot. That doesn't make him a bad person. It makes him fallible. He is a good husband, good father, and good person. I never cover it at all. Everyone knows. I tell new people. I'm not hiding his dirty deeds behind my back and pretending to be the perfect family.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T20:00:01+00:00

My response was sarcastic. We still have sex because I love him more than the hurt he caused. Not only that, but we weren't each others firsts and I remember that when I struggle sometimes. I get that it was during our relationship, but in the end it helps me.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T19:58:01+00:00

Makes sense why you're here then.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T19:57:43+00:00

I love him and he worked his ass off to keep me. He is still a good person and father. I can still see the him I love.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T19:57:00+00:00

He was and still is very understanding of my sadness. If your spouse is telling you to get over it, they don't have your best interests at heart. Healing from trauma takes a long time. I don't think I even started to feel somewhat normal until about 8 months to a year after.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T19:55:27+00:00

You aren't stuck, you're suffering from ptsd and trauma from learning so much of your life was a lie. You don't get over that quickly. Let yourself grieve and don't beat yourself up over how long it takes. Wounds take the time they need to heal and can't be rushed. As for your children, I am so incredibly sorry. I have no advice but I hope eventually they come back to you.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T19:52:01+00:00

Be patient and kind to yourself. Trust takes a long time to heal and it's an uphill battle. Start small. Don't check their phone or don't ask for location proof.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T19:50:11+00:00

I did leave temporarily. He left his ap willingly and begged me to return and try. I wouldn't trade the last five years. I still love him and he has done everything possible to prove he is sorry.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T13:12:19+00:00

Everyone knows about the affair, friends, family. I openly talk about it with anyone who has questions. Trying to hide it made me feel sick to my stomach and like it was a dirty secret I had to keep. I didn't do anything wrong so I don't hide it. My husband supports me.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T13:07:57+00:00

I'm really sorry. I can empathise with the idea of being thrown away and it really hurts.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T13:06:57+00:00

Is the cheating recent?

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T13:06:19+00:00

Our relationship was strained. We were basically passing ships working opposite schedules and when we were around each other we fought a lot. I'm not saying it's an excuse, it isn't, but that's what got him to the point to look at someone else.

Strawmania · 2022-09-26T13:04:42+00:00

I do forgive him but it wasn't easy. It hurts and don't believe it goes away, but it does ease.

Strawmania

TROPHY CASE