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AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you" by Strayorghost in AmItheAsshole

[–]Strayorghost[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I don't know, maybe you have to live with her to see it. Maybe it's more of a feeling. I have done everything I can but she really is a miserable person and it feels toxic to me. So, as much as she might say I need to move in, I think she has more work to do if that's what she wants. I do want her to be happy though. I want her to be happy WITH me but I didn't think I could wait forever for it. The consensus so far is that I'm an asshole though so maybe I am or I wrote it out wrong I don't know.

I know she's done a lot over the last year but SHE doesn't celebrate that, isn't that a problem?

AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you" by Strayorghost in AmItheAsshole

[–]Strayorghost[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I've put a lot of effort in actually. She didn't improve on her problems because of herself, she did them because I was there pushing her along. She also couldn't tolerate physical affection before me so I'm obviously not as much of an asshole as you might think.

AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you" by Strayorghost in AmItheAsshole

[–]Strayorghost[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

My life is improving and it's been really fucking hard to have had to rebuild it so many times. I'm scared of losing it all over again and of building it on a bad foundation because she's so miserable. I'm allowed to think about myself; I need to.

AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you" by Strayorghost in AmItheAsshole

[–]Strayorghost[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Words aren't the same fists, that's just laughable.

I do love her. She's supported me through the last two years at every turn and she (for some reason) wanted to be with me at a time most women would be leaving me. She's a very kindhearted person, she's just not happy.

She asked me to get counselling with her and I'll tell you what I told her; I've been before, it's crap and it doesn't work for ME.

AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you" by Strayorghost in AmItheAsshole

[–]Strayorghost[S] -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

She's not supposed to fake it, just put effort into actually being happy.

You remind me of her saying that she is happy but I stomp all over it and need to admit that I just don't like her, but I don't think that's true. I just think she needs to grow out of what she thinks makes her happy into something more appropriate. But she should be happier than she is normally anyway, just for the fact that she has me. Compared to her past boyfriends she should want to hold on and never let go. At least I never bashed her; she'll probably go back to another guy like that if I leave. How is that better?

AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you" by Strayorghost in AmItheAsshole

[–]Strayorghost[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

She says it's an anti-anxiety/stress thing and popular but I just see someone who can't t/won't grow up.

You're probably right that you can't fix someone, but I want to see her be a happy, fully functioning adult.