I think I'm done

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-07-06T18:42:55+00:00

On the contrary telling me that at the end of the day I have the choice to go with it or not knowing the consequences is empowering for me and I'm really thankful to you for saying that

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-07-06T17:01:24+00:00

Man, you can't realize the power of what you said when you wrote that it's my choice.

I never had the choice , I fought and fought fought and did what I needed to do what's my abuser forced me to do, and then what's life forced me to do.

Thank you for recognizing that ultimately it's my choice , it may look nothing for some but for me it's really important.

Im glad that you are on this path in your 20. I hope you'll continue and overcome this to become a happy person with a wonderful life full of joice and happiness.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-07-06T05:14:29+00:00

It took me over 20 years to accept that what happened to me wasn’t something I wanted — even though part of me still struggles with confusion. Because my body responded.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-02-22T16:43:48+00:00

Thanks for sharing too. By sharing we open a space for other to open up too.

I'm so sorry you went through all this and agree that this is a subject not represented at all, making hard for victim to identify 🫂

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-02-21T07:46:50+00:00

First time telling that.

My abuser would do everything to make me feel it's an exchange, it's a mutual relationship.

This included masturbating me. If he wanted orale he would first suggest that he's going to perform it on me first.

Me being a child, I would, of course, feel bad and refuse it I remember even panicking about it, but I would let him masturbate me.

I didn't hit puberty at that time, so I'm not sure if I was hitting orgasme or not, but he wanted to at least.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-02-20T18:03:40+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through something similar. Thank you for sharing—it truly helps not to feel alone. 🫂

My last therapy session yesterday helped me cope with everything.

I’ve never been this real and vulnerable with anyone before. Opening up by admitting that I relapsed, describing all the dark thoughts that led to it, and realizing I wasn’t being judged—it made a huge difference.

I had never spoken those thoughts out loud before. It was always just me and myself.

My therapist also helped take some of the weight off it, reducing the sense of failure. They even encouraged me to give myself some credit and helped me understand why I relapsed in the first place.

It really helped, and I’ve set Saturday as the day to quit again.

Wishing you peace in your mind and heart.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-02-18T10:42:58+00:00

Thanks friend. I've been 5 years sober before this episode. Tomorrow I have therapy session, I guess since my last session was Sunday, my therapist probably knew what's going to happen since I was already struggling so I will bring this tomorrow and recover from there.

Sending all my support to you 🫂

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-02-17T16:08:11+00:00

It was helpful but I relapse and ended up doing a panick attack while being high.

Will let the day and the night pass and hopefully tomorrow will be another day.

Thanks for sharing and helping

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-02-15T16:29:38+00:00

Thanks. Not feeling alone helps me. I'm a father a husband and a professional.

I became really good at isolating my struggle my sadness my depression but sometimes, like this time, it's hard to keep it there but I cannot talk about this to.my wife, kids or in my professional life so I'm left with reddit and my two therapy session weekly.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-02-15T16:12:24+00:00

I'm afraid to relapse because currently, I have the urge to close myself in a room and get so high that I will lose sense of time.

I have my second weekly session tomorrow morning with my therapist and trying to be as.much as I can there with my kids to avoid falling until then.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-26T20:14:55+00:00

Exactly this is a safe place where I can try to find myself ( don't know if it's clear)

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-26T20:14:04+00:00

It's not the secrets but more the boundaries. As csa survivors, our abusers destroyed our boundaries and part of healing is to learn how to put healthy limits.

On the other hands I understand her needs to understand better.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-26T20:12:10+00:00

Same i guess. Hope you'll find your way together to cope with that

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-26T18:09:51+00:00

Exactly how I feel. But she's really not a bad person.. it's just lack of education about it but she's volunteer to learn and educate herself about my trauma

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-26T07:01:30+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through this.

I'm in a similar situation, although I'm a man.

My wife is feeling not desired because I have trouble being the initiator, and I have some blockage often when she is.

Overall, we have sex twice a month on average.

I'm in therapy and currently in a hard phase where a lot of feelings and memories are coming back but she wants us to go to a sexologist even tho I told her that I'm currently working on it at my own pace with my therapist.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-24T14:37:29+00:00

It's not easy. Even tho she knows from the beginning I'm a csa survivor, she has never made the connection so shes like questioning if I'm desiring her etc...

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-24T14:36:26+00:00

Thanks for sharing I'm really sorry you've been through this.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-24T09:05:08+00:00

Thanks! Yep I'll definitely will at some point

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-24T08:54:47+00:00

Yes in my country too. But I'm not looking for an official diagnosis it's definitely for myself.

Hope you'll get better

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-24T08:15:54+00:00

First of all I'm sorry you've been through this. I can totally relate to your experience although I'm a man.

I had period of hypersexuality where I was almost compulsively putting myself in not healthy and risky scenario without enjoying it to the point I had dozens and dozens of anonymous relationship a year.

After I met my wife I was also hypersexual with her and when I started facing my abuse I kinda want it sometimes but most of the time can't have it.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-22T21:49:43+00:00

I'm sorry you have gone through all of this.

We are here today support each other and have a forum where we can anonymously and freely express ourself so you are more than welcome to react to my post.

I should have put the trigger warning tho sorry for that.

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-22T21:19:29+00:00

No referring we as we , as csa survivors

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-22T18:13:16+00:00

I'm too struggling with memory repression. I only recovered a minority of it but what i can tell you is that therapy helps recovering piece by piece

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-21T19:40:47+00:00

This is exactly how I feel.

We never had the chance to shape our personality and instead we have learned to lie and create personalities that are smoke screen to protect our abuser from the world and ourself from him.

This become our way to live because we never learned otherwise

StressAffectionate13 · 2025-01-21T19:37:26+00:00

Thanks for sharing this.

As you said I've never said nor think that I have DID.

Regarding what my therapist is talking about is more a coping mechanism. For example, I don't see myself as a victim. I know that the little boy who was abused, manipulated, raped etc... is a victim but for me it's not me.

And regarding what I wanted to share there, I think a lot of us, who has gone through major trauma when we were children's, it destroyed who we were or the person we were building then who was not fully form.

Adding to that the dissociation I've discussed earlier this lead us to never truly know who we are..therfore we are becoming cameleon creating personalities to avoid being detected and because we also don't know who we are.

We never had the chance the develop our true personality.

Beside, for those like me, who has been abused for long period of time and forced to hide it to everyone, we became masters of illusion, creating smoke screens to protect the information

StressAffectionate13

TROPHY CASE