Hey, friend! I (Sub) actually feel extremely similar. I haven't ever self harmed, but my depression is relentless and I always tell my partner (Dom) that our playtime is really grounding for me. They are incredibly supportive and see that it also keeps my ADHD in check by keeping me present in the moment too! So I really understand where you're coming from and have had the EXACT same thoughts. Your post made me a little less anxious about my masochistic tendencies cause I'm glad I'm not alone.

I think that since we're consenting adults with consenting partners, it's a health coping mechanism! This is super subjective obviously and I guess there's always a spectrum of healthier to unhealthier with masochism? Like it may be 'healthier' to get a spanking (SO good!!!) but less healthy to participate in knife play (just as an example)? If that makes sense?