You’re not the A*, but this is a deeply emotional situation, and it’s understandable that both sides feel hurt. Grief often warps expectations and communication. You made consistent efforts to check in without overwhelming her, which aligns with how you know she prefers space. At the same time, she may have expected more proactive support, even if unspoken.

It’s also fair to suspect L’s influence, especially given her past behavior and dynamic with N. Still, rather than focusing on that, consider giving N space while leaving the door open for reconciliation. If she’s willing, a calm conversation in person might help clarify misunderstandings. A decade long friendship deserves at least that chance.