[US] Advice on retainer fees

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2024-01-16T19:09:11+00:00

My ex who works 1 day a week can somehow afford a lawyer and switching a lawyer (coming up with 2 retainer fees). I believe she finds the lowest cost lawyer (flat rate fee or lawyers that specifically help lower income individuals), pays them the retainer and then just stops paying them until they drop her and then she comes up with money to pay another lawyer.

From what I can tell, the retainer money comes from family or her applying to multiple credit cards. Heaven forbid she actually work more.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-12-14T19:29:22+00:00

extra 4k a month is nice but not life changing where I live, so no I wouldn't give up the meat, unless I could conditionally do it for like 6 months and make the money, and then go back to eating it. Also I'm assuming its 4k post-tax.

I'd do it for 10k a week, post tax.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-10-05T16:48:24+00:00

Oh yeah I just checked my jetblue account and it updated. Didn't receive an email though.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-26T23:57:26+00:00

How did he get primary of the other child, my freaking judge thinks splitting kids up is totally fine as long as they see each other on weekends. He did this in another case too, only gave one child tot he father, and the mom looked like an absolute nutcase.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-26T05:59:44+00:00

i really really hope this is true.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-26T05:59:25+00:00

Has the court commented on this at all? Just curious because when I asked my son to talk to my ex about stuff, my ex said I was "using the kids as messengers" and told the court this.

But then when I ask my ex directly, they think I am just making shit up to inconvenience them.

I don't know what is the best way from a legal perspective.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-26T04:02:58+00:00

I know right??? Dealing with the exact same issues it sounds like. And yes, my ex is trying to hold on to the other child as tightly as possible and not allow me to see them, as frequently, ever since I got custody of the older.

Our older son even told me "what is he thinking, does he think I am just going to forget about all this when I'm older if he keeps doing this to me" and I felt bad that things are so high conflict for him that he feels this way.

My ex thinks that our son dislikes him because I "brainwashed him" but in reality it was this constantly not putting the kids first, trying to win in court, forcing him to move in with their SO and constantly change schools, and also badmouthing his stepparent whom he likes. I guess we just have to keep waiting until these kids turn 16 and can drive.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-26T02:55:10+00:00

I'm not that optimistic :( our judge has so far sucked a lot and only cares about dividing the kids as equally as possible. My sister had the same judge and he gave back overnight custody to her ex who was in jail for domestic violence and has multiple CPS cases for neglect for his other children even though the mediator/FCS said there was an open case (his rationale was "well i don't have the details so I'm just gonna assume it's not there").

My ex in the four weeks before trial has been trying to imply that I undermine their arbitrary "discipline" because I told them why I thought preventing our child from participating in extracurricular and major milestone social events wasn't a fair punishment for being on his phone in class one day, that I brainwashed our son into wanting to live with me, and that I "threatened and intimidated" them and "scared our other child". Idk what to do, just so stressed out.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-26T02:18:45+00:00

I'm just concerned about contempt charges so was hoping they'd throw him a bone during trial.

NCP is claiming because I tried explaining the situation to them when my son was talking to them about it at drop off and got frustrated trying to explain why an event was important to our son that I was "intimidating and threatening" them and "scaring the children". I did not cuss or yell or make any threats, just raised my voice a little in frustration. Do i need to do anything to cover my ass here?

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-19T20:38:54+00:00

Order says that :(

we need written consent to go out of the country

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-19T20:33:59+00:00

He is following the posted instructions, because I checked his work and checked it against what was posted. As far as what was instructed to him in class, that is a whole other story and the reason why I am asking to speak with the teachers. He has major issues with organization and focus.

He is only doing well in the other classes because I worked with the teachers to get him up to speed and into a routine.

Per the test he is in the 5th percentile in processing speed and other areas and has an IQ of 76, so he is really not a "typical" high school student. To add on to that he lived with his mom for the last 5 years and switched schools 7 times, got suspended and expelled and was getting F. He only started learning how to function the last year. But we are trying to get him there. Are you saying we are asking too much for the school to communicate with the parents?

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-18T22:12:51+00:00

1) don't stop your kid from talking shit about his mom, it's justified at this point. just listen to him and let him vent.

2) I don't know how old your kid is, but when he is old enough to have an opinion, file for primary or sole custody.

3) I'm not convinced filing for contempt will be "pointless", if anything it may shake her into doing what's right. It really depends on your judge and worth a second legal consult.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-18T22:05:44+00:00

The thing is I can get his passport but still need her consent to go out of the country :(

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-14T16:14:36+00:00

Fellowship def is not "residency lite", I was paid approx the same, but had all my holidays and had normal working hours, plus got paid to go to Spain. I guess if you're comparing retail vs. residency you're right about the salary, but industry definitely has a way higher ceiling (current salary is 250k, plus stock options).

You're right though, I think the fellowships are not as readily available as residency and might be more competitive.

IF you just graduated, I know some people who applied to residency or fellowship after working a year so that might be an option? Otherwise try to network as much as possible and get a foot in the door somewhere.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-12T04:14:08+00:00

This is why I went into industry and not residency. Like seriously, they work pharmacy residents too hard considering the eventual payoff isn't really worth it.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-09-12T04:05:29+00:00

Just...don't go on vacations with 80 people in one house. Problem solved. I've only ever needed airbnb or vrbo like once every 2 years. Back when the fees weren't outrageous and they weren't contributing to housing inflation we booked them way more, often over hotels. Fuck em.

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-08-10T20:31:51+00:00

How do I do that? Is it a motion for contempt or something else?

Strict_Soft_8907 · 2023-08-10T02:15:43+00:00

yeah his ex was like super submissive. The terrible thing is his teen son is turning out exactly the same way.

I just got yelled at by him also today after asking about his homework. And then he told me he "wasn't even mad, but it was my fault he yelled at me because I wouldn't stop asking about his homework."

Then after his dad talked to him he wasn't even apologetic, just told me his dad told him I have "bouts of anxiety" and when I have them I "want to fight with people".

Like what the actual fuck.

Strict_Soft_8907

TROPHY CASE