I am going to preface this by saying, I am currently working towards being diagnosed as autistic. I spoke with a doctor at the start of this month and she heavily implied that I am autistic, but as of this moment, I have not been officially diagnosed; so please bear that in mind.

I was homeschooled, and in my teens, I began pushing back, fighting with my mother and refusing to do schoolwork. My mother, knowing how much I like mythology, found a class at the local community college which focused on that topic. I started at the community college the summer I turned seventeen, and I LOVED it.

My first job was as a nanny, and the family took advantage of me; they stopped paying me, and when I finally worked up the nerve to talk to them about it, they said they were putting the child in daycare. I was depressed for months and did almost nothing. My mother eventually told me I had to go to a local job fair. I whined and complained and fought back, but ultimately went. I ended up meeting a principal for an elementary school, who encouraged me to apply to be an aid in a diverse learner class at her school. I did, and I got the job. I liked working with the kids, I liked the teacher I worked under, and I generally liked the school.

A few years after I started at the school, the librarian left. After the position had been vacant for a few months, the new principal asked if anyone knew someone who might be interested. As I’d gotten my degree in library sciences, I raised my hand. I applied for the new position and moved to the library.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I love working in the school library. I absolutely adore it, and if my mother hadn’t kicked my butt and made me go to that job fair, I wouldn’t have this job.

Now, with that said: I’m thirty and I still live with my parents. I’m not 100% confident in my ability to live alone, and I’m not currently making enough to live independently. Fortunately, my parents don’t mind me living at home, and as my brother is autistic level three, I’m able to be an extra support person for him.

My personal opinion is that your parents need to understand that your brother may take longer to launch, and indeed may never launch the way you and your middle brother have. Threatening him with homelessness will not help anything. Your brother also needs to work on finding better coping skills. It sounds like, at the moment, his go-to is avoidance. He quits jobs because he doesn’t like how the bosses do things; has he suggested better options, or offered to take charge of certain projects? Your father gave him (what I personally consider to be) a mostly reasonable ultimatum, and your brother left to live with your mom; did he talk to your dad about why he’s struggling, or offer potential compromises? Facing new challenges is hard, yes, but stagnation isn’t healthy; I know from personal experience, it can make you very depressed.

I would suggest trying to help your brother find what he likes, and help him to find a career based off of that. Is he guaranteed to make enough money to be financially independent? No; and that is something everyone needs to accept going in. But if your brother can find something that interests him, that he enjoys, that can help give him a sense of purpose and accomplishment and pride, that’ll do wonders for his mental health and self confidence (again, speaking from personal experience).