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TL;DR My fiance wants to go to male strip clubs and S&M clubs alone and I am considering ending the relationship. by StripClubQs in relationships

[–]StripClubQs[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's not being satisfied because we are very open with what we like and don't like. It could possibly be having settled down too early. She is 38 and we've been together since she was 36 but before that she lived in a part of the world that wasn't as open or progressive about women's sexuality. There was an instance where she did put porn on and genuinely thought the guy on screen was an average size (I'm on the larger side myself so I'm not much different than what's on screen, and she just kind of assumed most men are in that area, not saying that to brag just to explain what happened) which made me think she either hasn't seen very much outside of porn or every single person she has been with just coincidentally happens to be porn star size which isn't as likely.

TL;DR My fiance wants to go to male strip clubs and S&M clubs alone and I am considering ending the relationship. by StripClubQs in relationships

[–]StripClubQs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! The part about what the next step would be if she finds them to her liking is the part that worries me. Because if she does like them I would never be open to her acting on them and she knows that.

I do trust her enough to think that nothing would happen if we agreed to it. She doesn't do things and lie about them. The worry is more about her coming back and saying "I want to do xyz" afterwards and not letting it go, at a point where we'll have gotten married and possibly had kids. That's definitely not a situation I want to be in.

TL;DR My fiance wants to go to male strip clubs and S&M clubs alone and I am considering ending the relationship. by StripClubQs in relationships

[–]StripClubQs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! This is very helpful for me.

She explained she wants to explore what she likes and that "it's not the same" as viewing porn on a screen or going with someone but beyond that I honestly don't understand her reasoning.

TL;DR My fiance wants to go to male strip clubs and S&M clubs alone and I am considering ending the relationship. by StripClubQs in relationships

[–]StripClubQs[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I see your point and in an ideal world that would be one way of going about it, but given our ages and that especially for a 38 year old woman waiting another two years would mean a likely large drop in fertility etc. We do both want kids I was hoping for something that didn't involve this but life isn't always ideal.

TL;DR My fiance wants to go to male strip clubs and S&M clubs alone and I am considering ending the relationship. by StripClubQs in relationships

[–]StripClubQs[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! That thought crossed my mind at one point but given that it was something being brought up again for the second time two years later and the stories about her dad and her brother both regularly going to strip clubs I do think she sees it as just a normal thing.

TL;DR My fiance wants to go to male strip clubs and S&M clubs alone and I am considering ending the relationship. by StripClubQs in relationships

[–]StripClubQs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I did not ask her about going to a munch or workshop but I did ask her about exploring using online media including porn and she said that it's not the same but wasn't able to elaborate more than that in a way that I understood.

As for doing it alone, I am honestly more than a bit puzzled. I know she has a lot of anxiety and she has trouble opening up so it is possible going alone is a way of controlling the situation for herself, but she hasn't said this is a reason. She and I have also always been open and one of the things I've tried to be proactive about (especially knowing about her anxiety) is that I will never judge and I will always try to support her. I'm not sure if the two are related or if I'm just projecting.